Role Play
by KageKitsune XXX
Summary: Being in secretly love with your best friend is a heck of a lot more stressful than you can possibly imagine. Eventually, you just have to take matters into your own hands. For sanity's sake. NaruSasu AU.
1. Revelation

**A/N:** This is an AU one-shot in which Naruto is a doctor (I know, I know…just work with me- it's for a purpose). You don't have to squint to see the Shounen-ai in this one.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. I don't own anything, not even myself... Great, now I am depressed.

* * *

Naruto fell out of bed with a thud at the sound of the doorbell. Staggering to his feet groggily, he peered at the clock. _2:49, great…_

Yanking on a T-shirt, he headed downstairs and stumbled to the door. Not even bothering to ask who it was, for he had a fair idea, he unbolted it and wrenched it open.

"WHAT!"

Sasuke barely lifted an eyebrow. What kind of idiot just flings his door open at three in the morning?

Naruto glared at the bastard with red-rimmed eyes. That someone could pull off looking cool and aloof at this ungodly hour was beyond aggravating. He glared harder, waiting for some type of response. Sasuke shrugged slightly, not meeting his eyes.

"I need some help…"

Naruto snorted, stifling a yawn.

"What? What could you possibly need at this time of night? You need help hiding a body?"

_- A few minutes later-_

"I can't believe you need help hiding a body…" The two men stood in front of Naruto's garage. The door closed slowly, hiding them from the outside world.

"I do not need help hiding a body, you moron! I need…I need…"

Sasuke actually had no idea why he was here. Sure, Naruto was a doctor, but if she was already dead, what could he do? As Naruto himself often pointed out, he was a doctor, not the Christ. Raising the dead was out of his league.

It was the freakiest thing Sasuke had ever dealt with. Things had been going along swimmingly by Sasuke's estimation. The girl had been straddling him, bouncing away merrily, following his instructions to the letter. All of a sudden, she appeared to lose interest in him, their activity and life in general. She had then proceeded to rudely and unceremoniously keel over sideways, leaving a bewildered Sasuke gaping at her.

He had felt for her pulse…or what he had thought should contain a pulse. He should have been listening when Naruto was teaching him first aid, instead of just ogling like an idiot and wishing he were the CPR dummy. He couldn't feel a pulse; besides, the girl looked pretty damn dead anyway. Had he not started freaking out, he would have known that the rational thing to do was to take her to the nearest hospital. Instead he had started obsessing on getting to Naruto. It was an instinct. If something went really right or incredibly wrong, that was where he headed first.

On the drive over, he'd managed to calm down and recover his icy exterior despite his predicament. By the time Naruto had stumbled to the door, he had already turned back into the Sasuke Naruto was expecting.

* * *

The garage door shuddered to a close, settling firmly into place and finally averting the two boy's watchful gazes. Naruto headed to the car to check on the girl, muttering angrily.

"You know, I knew it was just a matter of time before you killed someone. What was this: some kind of weird Goth initiation?"

"Shut up! I didn't kill anyone! Besides, you kill people all the time and you don't hear me giving you any grief about it!" Naruto was yanking the door open to get to the back seat.

"That is different! I am a doc… I DO NOT KILL PEOPLE ALL THE TIME, YOU SOON-TO-BE-INCARCERATED ASSHOLE!" Naruto flicked on the overhead light, turned to the girl and suddenly paused in mid-action.

He turned slowly to give an odd look to Sasuke, who was hanging behind him. Sasuke caught it; granted, he was expecting any number of strange stares from Naruto given the situation, but this one was noteworthy.

"What?" Sasuke leaned down to look over Naruto's shoulder. He started swearing in his head- he had completely forgotten. Keeping his face placid, he straightened up and shrugged.

"What? It's just a coincidence. I just noticed it myself…" He half expected lightning to strike him down where he stood. Lies that huge and that blatant could hardly go unpunished.

Naruto looked away from him and back to the girl. _So that's what I would look like if I were a woman. _The girl was clad in a tight orange skirt suit that could grab attention from miles off/was an attention grabber if ever he'd seen one. Short, spiky blonde hair framed her face, while three whisker marks adorned each cheek. Her eyes were closed, but Naruto felt that behind the tanned skin of her eyelids, sky blue irises awaited.

_This is just freaky…You mean he didn't see that? How dark was that nightclub?_

Naruto started checking on the girl, still creeped out, when he caught her pulse- faint but definitely there.

"She's alive!"

"She's alive?"

"She's alive!"

Yelling to Sasuke, Naruto directed him to help get the young woman inside the clinic Naruto operated from an extension of his house.

Wasting no time, Naruto started scrambling about, trying to help the girl. Sasuke watched as Naruto switched into medic-mode, moving at a frantic pace. He heard snatches of Naruto's ramblings and realized that the girl was probably overdosing on something.

_Figures…_

Sasuke should have guessed the girl was on something. She had been literally bouncing off the walls when he spotted her in the dark club, her garish orange suit grabbing his attention as he moved towards her. He should have known that there was only one person capable of that kind of manic energy without artificial stimulation. It was probably why he was so suited to the sleepless nights and fast pace of the medical profession. Sasuke caught himself watching Naruto like some love-struck puppy and tried to school his expression. Sasuke didn't know what Naruto did, but in a few moments, he heard the girl moaning groggily, apparently surfacing from oblivion.

The girl blinked slowly and tried to sit up.

"Hey, don't push yourself!"

She stubbornly sat up, looking owlishly about the room. She looked at Naruto and finally spotted Sasuke, waiting in the corner.

"Hey! I did not sign on for a party…"

Naruto bristled and immediately let the girl know where she was and why she was there. She looked more contrite and appreciative, but apparently unfazed by the events as they were related to her. Naruto guessed that this was not a first time occurrence.

He was about to launch into a lecture when he saw the girl reach up to rub her head. She seemed surprised at the properties of the hair she found there, and a moment later, she started tugging. Naruto was about to move to stop her, thinking she was hurting herself, when something unbelievable happened.

The hair came right off. Auburn hair tumbled out and down the girl's shoulders as she stared at the blonde wig in her hand. Naruto's jaw hit the floor, and Sasuke was close to having a heart attack. Sasuke wanted to get to the girl and stop her before she did anything else to increase his embarrassment. Too late… She tossed the wig at him, and he caught it reflexively.

"Here, you want that back, right…umm, dattebayo?" She winked at him, not knowing how close she was to dying at his hands. "That was the word, right? What you wanted me to say?"

Naruto was incapable of closing his mouth, staring at the girl with a mixed expression of horror and fascination. She yawned and rubbed her face tiredly, and there went the whisker marks.

Sasuke was panicking now, the events of the early morning having tapped into and drained his reserves of icy coolness. He looked about the room desperately, searching for a means to silence the girl, praying all the while for some heavenly being to strike him down now, ending his mortification.

Naruto finally managed to get his mouth closed and was looking from the girl (who now looked absolutely nothing like him) to Sasuke, who was now tomato-red and looking at everything in the room but him- still clutching the ridiculous wig. Naruto cleared his throat and started speaking.

"Ahem, Sasuke's going to take you to the hospital for a thorough check-up and then take you home if they give the okay. You should be thinking about getting counselling. The next time, you may not be this lucky."

Naruto used a few minutes to try and talk to the girl, who nodded absently the whole time. Naruto sighed tiredly: he would have to call ahead to the hospital and tell them about her. The girl clearly needed help.

A few minutes later, Sasuke was supporting her as they walked to the door.

Dear Kami-sama, he would never live this down. He should just drive off a bridge after he dropped this girl off. But no, he knew Naruto; he'd probably do the eulogy at his funeral and tell everyone the story as some kind of colossal joke. He would then etch it into his tombstone. And when the Shinigami came to get him, it would see it and tell every other spirit the joke until Naruto himself died and came looking for him just to tease and torture him mercilessly…for all eternity! He was officially in hell; there was simply no escaping this…

He was almost to the car and to safety when Naruto's singsong voice stopped him.

"Oi Sasuke…" Sasuke turned slowly, dread making his movements robotic. Naruto face was seventy-five percent teeth at this point, his grin was that wide. Raw evil was stamped on his face. Sasuke gulped.

"What, dobe?"

"We'll talk soon, ne?"

Dear Kami-sama, he would never live this down.

**TBC**


	2. Facing the music

**A/N: **Now upgraded to a multi-chap!

* * *

Sasuke had been lying low for the past couple of weeks. He hadn't seen or spoken to Naruto the entire time, and now he had serious withdrawal symptoms. He hadn't been up to facing Naruto since the 'incident'. The idea of Naruto teasing until Sasuke confessed his feelings- all leading to an inevitable rejection- seemed far too daunting. But for Sasuke, two weeks without Naruto was like trying to hold his breath for too long. Eventually, he just had to breathe.

Muttering to himself, he stalked over to his closet and flung it open. Rows of black clothes stared back at him. According to Naruto, it looked as if death had thrown up in Sasuke's closet. The only other colours he could tolerate were blue and white. Red only made an appearance as part of his family crest. It amazed everyone who knew him, how he could get so much variety out of one boring colour.

He got dressed and headed out to the Paradox, Sasuke's black Jaguar. It had been thusly dubbed by Naruto. According to him, the car was a contradiction in itself. The car, all sleek black lines, was built to epitomise speed and stealth. Yet all it seemed to do was scream 'look at me!'

Sasuke smiled a little as he pulled out of his garage and headed off to the hospital. Naruto was supposed to be getting off his shift soon, and Sasuke figured now was as good a time as any to face the music.

Naruto's station was on the second floor. Sasuke was not out of the elevator two minutes before he heard-

"SASUKE-KUUUN!"

Sasuke winced slightly- Sakura.

He waited patiently as the pink-haired woman made a beeline for him. Sakura was one of the precious few people Sasuke trusted and considered friends. She was probably the closest one after Naruto.

She had had an insane crush on him all through high school. A crush that ended almost as abruptly as it started soon after they entered college. Their friendship had solidified and matured- but she was never above torturing him with weird fan-girl mannerisms. Just like Naruto, she was an attending at the hospital and also helped him run the clinic. Fate had conspired to keep them all together, apparently.

Sakura's outburst had alerted the other women on the floor to Sasuke's presence. They all proceeded to strike the sexiest, most alluring poses they could manage. It was always a flat-out competition to see who could get him (or at least bed him) first. Sasuke couldn't suppress a sigh at their idiocy. A second later, Sakura looped an arm through his and started walking with him toward Naruto's station.

"You know- if all it took was a blonde wig and an orange outfit to get you going, I could have done that in high school." Sasuke stifled a groan as Sakura's wicked smile flashed.

"He told you?" Sasuke struggled to keep his voice even.

"Of course he did; it took a while to get it since he was laughing so hard," -Sasuke's head dropped forward- "but I eventually picked it up."

Sakura was also the only person who knew how he felt about Naruto. He hadn't told her- she had figured it out. It was probably that fact that had precipitated the end of her crush… Of that Sasuke wasn't sure. He had finally confessed so he could swear her to secrecy, and made her promise not to interfere.

"Where is he? Isn't he supposed to be getting ready to leave now?" He'd been here almost ten minutes and hadn't spotted a hint of blond anywhere. Well, natural blond anyway.

"He's down in the ER covering for Kabuto."

"What does he think about, you know, what happened?"

Sakura was apparently mulling over the question when a voice from behind Sasuke almost had him crawling out his skin.

"I should have figured you were up here."

Naruto was regarding him with his 'fox' look, which he had been capable of assuming for as long as Sasuke had known him. His eyes were narrowed down so closely, it looked as if they were closed. Sasuke could swear Naruto's nose and whisker marks were twitching. It was one of the most fascinating things Sasuke had ever seen in his life.

Sakura stifled a laugh at Sasuke's startled reaction to Naruto's voice and the range of emotions that flashed across his face in the unguarded moment. To his credit, Sasuke recovered almost instantly before he turned to face Naruto.

"What do you mean, you should have figured?" Sasuke cooled his voice so much, you could have chilled juice with it.

"Every woman in a ten-mile radius is suddenly en vogue; obviously, it's your fault."

Sasuke looked around; in truth, all the women were still either in some serious fashion pose or doing their best runway-model moves. Of course, since Naruto was now on the floor, they had doubled their efforts. There was a competition raging for him too: Naruto and Sasuke were like the irresistible fire and ice duo to them.

Naruto regarded Sasuke again. "Well, I'm glad to see you're alive. I was getting worried for a moment there. You've been scarcer than an AB negative blood type."

Sakura giggled as Sasuke mentally shrugged. _Doctors and their esoteric jokes_. Sakura left to go check on a patient, mouthing 'talk to him' and casting a wink at Sasuke as she departed.

Sasuke followed Naruto into the TV room as the blond headed to the coffee dispenser.

"I thought you were getting off soon; I came to pick you up, since I had some free time." Naruto's green junk heap, 'Gama-chan', was in the shop.

Naruto rolled his eyes incredulously at that. Sasuke's whole life was nothing but free time. He just sat at home and collected money, or went out and collected money. Sasuke and his brother were trust fund babies- with no need to do a day's work in their lives. Wanting independence from their father, though, they had both invested their money wisely into high paying ventures.

Itachi had funded his best friend's idea of a water-amusement park. There were now parks scattered through Japan and Europe. Sasuke had taken a different route and gotten into the music industry. Fresh out of college, he had executed a ruthless takeover of one of the most successful recording companies in existence. After ousting the founder and CEO, Sasuke was firmly in control of "Otogakure records". His subordinates ran everything- their incredible fear of him prevented anyone from daring to screw him over.

"I'm hanging on for Kabuto. He's got the ER now, and he's apparently having some sort of crisis at the research lab. Luckily, it's slow today. It's practically empty down there."

Sasuke was trying not to fidget nervously as he sank into one of the sofa chairs. Naruto was acting normally- too normally. The multiple scenarios he had run in his head the past few weeks did not include this. Obviously, he would have to get the ball rolling.

"So, about what happened…" Sasuke's heart clenched in dread as he saw Naruto frown.

"She was fine the last I heard, but she skipped out on all but the first of the counselling sessions scheduled for her. You know the type: too much time and money on their hands."

Sasuke blinked, confused for moment. What on earth was Naruto talking…_OH, the girl!_ Sasuke mentally shrugged again.

"I see- that's too bad. So you said we should talk?" Sasuke offered helpfully. Now it was Naruto's turn to blink. It slowly dawned on him and a feral smile spread. Sasuke could feel sweat prickling at the back of his neck.

"Oh, yeah, I had totally forgotten about that!"

A vein twitched in Sasuke's forehead. The idiot forgot? How could he have forgotten when all Sasuke had done for the past two weeks was agonize over it? The twitch threatened to explode as Naruto continued.

"Yeah, I had a good laugh about it. You must have been drunk off your ass to think of a stunt like that! You're lucky you've been MIA; I was going to roast you." Naruto giggled a bit and then yawned. "Che, I'm hungry…let's get some food when Kabuto finally drags his butt in here!"

Sasuke could not believe this. Just like that, it was over? No accusations, no demands of explanation, no homophobe paranoia, no anything? You could drive a Mack truck through all the holes in that explanation, but Naruto just accepted that Sasuke must have been drunk and mischievous. But then Naruto gave him a serious look that had Sasuke bracing himself again.

"Oi, you aren't overdoing it when you go out, are you? You do take precautions, right? You use protection, and you don't take anything at any of these parties you go to…"

Sasuke was pissed at Naruto; the idiot was so dense at times. He zoned out as he heard Naruto launch into his safety lecture that Sasuke could now recite from memory. To be honest, he had kind of been hoping that Naruto would call him out on the incident and force him to admit what was really going on. He had fantasised that Naruto had gotten a confession out of him and instead of the feared backlash, the blond had ended up reciprocating.

Then after they had clarified their feelings and all that, they had snuck undetected into one of those infamous hospital supply closets. Sasuke had imagined that they had then defeated the purpose of all that covertness by having the noisiest and best sex imaginable.

Sasuke surfaced from the gutter to see a pair of incredible blue eyes hovering in front of him. Upon further inspection, he realised that said eyes were installed in Naruto's face and the blond was calling to him anxiously.

"Oi, bastard, can you hear me? What is the matter with you?" Naruto relaxed a little when Sasuke blinked.

Unfortunately for Sasuke, that was about all he could do. Because of Naruto's unanticipated proximity, Sasuke's traitorous brain had opted to completely shut down. Warm liquid dripped down unto his lip.

"SASUKE, YOUR NOSE IS BLEEDING!" Sasuke immediately recognized the arrival of Dr. Naruto as the blond straightened, ready to bark orders to the nearest nurse. He grabbed Naruto's arm quickly.

"Shut up! I'm fine, you moron…"

"You're not fine. You were unresponsive and now you're bleeding! Che, why am I arguing with _you_ about this?"

Sasuke jumped to his feet and clamped a hand over the struggling Naruto's mouth. "I was _(oof)_ unresponsive _(ow) _because you were boring me _(will you stop!)_. And my nose was bleeding _(quit it, already!)_ because I was having perverted thoughts." They were entangled on the floor by the time Sasuke had completed a sentence.

Naruto stopped struggling and tried to glare at Sasuke who was now on his back, clamping a hand over his mouth. A nurse walked in to see Naruto face down on the floor with Sasuke stretched out on top of him, apparently trying to stifle him. Both men looked up at the sound of her entry. She looked confused and concerned.

"Uzumaki-sama? Um, should I get help or leave you two alone or…?"

Sasuke quickly removed his hand from Naruto's mouth.

"It's okay Nana, Uchiha-san is just…_will you get off me?"_ Sasuke quickly scrambled off Naruto's back, having gotten completely comfortable in their awkward position. Naruto got up and started brushing himself off. "Ahem, Uchiha-san is just afraid of needles."

The nurse smiled sympathetically at Sasuke, got some coffee and left.

Naruto then glared at Sasuke some more. "Well, I'm sorry that my concern for your wellbeing bores you so much. I didn't mean to interrupt you and whatever airhead you were dreaming about!"

Sasuke sighed; great, now he'd hurt Naruto's feelings. He opened his mouth to tell the man not to be stupid and offer to treat him to ramen but didn't get a word out because Naruto's beeper had chosen that moment to go off and a second later, Naruto was no longer in view.

* * *

Naruto rushed into the ER, one of his interns appearing immediately beside him.

"Naruto-sensei, they just brought in a blunt force trauma. The patient hit her head on a tree limb while rollerblading."

Naruto looked at the intern with a raised eyebrow. While head traumas could be serious injuries, the procedure for treating them was pretty straightforward.

"Then you paged me because…?" The intern blushed but didn't get a chance to explain as Naruto was already in front of the patient.

Naruto understood immediately- the patient was a Hyuuga. Lavender, pupil-less eyes looked about in embarrassment as she tried to wiggle off the gurney. An agitated young man with messy brown hair hovered about anxiously as the EMS team kept her in place.

"I'm fine, really. It's just a bump: there's no need to go through all this trouble."

The standard preliminary tests couldn't be done with Hyuugas. No pupils meant no reactivity or comparison tests, rendering the pen flashlight Naruto had whipped out earlier useless. Also, the hospital that dared allow a lowly intern to treat a Hyuuga would catch hell from Hyuuga Hiashi, the head of the clan.

Naruto had only ever seen a Hyuuga in his medical books. They were _the_ textbook example of how dominant genetic inheritance could confer selective advantages in a population. Their eyesight and the span of their vision field were far superior to anything believed humanly possible.

Naruto stopped in front of the fidgeting girl and got her attention by tilting her head up in order to properly see her eyes and the bruising. He smiled at her as her protests died and she was left gaping at him.

Hinata had thought doctors this gorgeous only existed in those hospital dramas or soap operas. She nearly winded up in a puddle on the floor when he smiled at her. Her skin was heating up starting from her chin, which was still being held up by his fingers. In a moment, she was so red the bruise almost disappeared.

"Hinata-sama…" Naruto consulted her chart briefly, got her name, and turned back to the flustered girl. "Follow my hand with your eyes… I heard you had a bit of an accident."

"It was my fault!" This outburst was courtesy of the anxious young man, who was still hovering about and getting in the way. "I let go of her hand too early. She lost control and smacked right into a tree branch. She was out cold!"

"Kiba-kun!"

Naruto had thought the girl couldn't possibly blush any deeper. He was wrong. These Hyuugas were just one medical marvel after another.

"Tsk, that's nothing. I once skateboarded off my friend's roof, to feel what it would be like to fly. I think I was unconscious before I hit the ground. Then after I recovered, my friend knocked me out again. I think he did more damage than that nosedive!" Naruto grinned as he tried to distract the girl from his brief physical examination.

Sasuke, who had wandered down to the ER and was now standing some distance away, snorted. He hated that memory; he had never been so scared in his life. After he had made sure Naruto was back to 100 percent, he had beaten the crap out of him.

"Did you…?" the girl asked hesitantly, focussing on Naruto's neck since that didn't seem to make her blush that hard.

"Did I what?"

"Fly…did it feel like you were flying?"

"For about six glorious seconds, yeah, it did."

Hinata smiled at his positive response.

"Okay, you seem to be in one piece. Kori, take Hinata-sama to get a CT-scan, and then we'll see if we can send her home."

Hinata looked up abruptly at Naruto's words and started sputtering again. "No, really, I'm fine. I don't want to put anyone out!"

Naruto gave her a look that quieted her down. "You, mostly likely, have a concussion, and we need to make sure there's no damage. Besides, between you and me, I like putting out."

Everyone in earshot snickered. Well, everyone except Hinata- who blushed crimson- and Kiba and Sasuke- who both frowned.

Kabuto finally showed up when Hinata had left for her tests. Naruto changed quickly and headed out with Sasuke.

"She's crazy cute, isn't she. I can't believe she's actually the Hyuuga heiress. It would be less intimidating if she were just a cousin of Hiashi or something," Naruto mused as he slid into the passenger seat of the Paradox.

"Oi, was all that okay? I thought you weren't supposed to flirt with patients. Authority figure, position of power, et cetera, et cetera."

Naruto lifted a brow as he tried to make sense of Sasuke's terse mini-tirade.

"That's for therapists, you moron!"

"Hnn…" Sasuke huffed slightly as he switched on the ignition and the Jaguar purred to life.

"Heh, Hyuuga Hiashi's daughter. Gama-chan definitely wouldn't do. I should probably borrow the Paradox for the date."

"Date? What date?" Sasuke hit the brakes and turned to stare at Naruto. The blond blinked a bit and then smiled sheepishly.

"I didn't know she was the Hyuuga heiress or maybe I wouldn't. I don't know what came over me, but I just had to ask her out."

As Naruto smiled and mused, Sasuke turned and resumed calmly pulling out of the hospital's parking lot.

Inside, he felt like bawling.

**TBC**


	3. Getting physical

**A/N:** Another chapter! Two more than I had originally planned already!

Disclaimer: I don't own the Barenaked Ladies (they're a music group, you pervert!) or any of their songs. Since I am here, I'll remind you that I don't own Naruto either. If anyone says otherwise, tell me so I can sue.

* * *

Sasuke leaned against his kitchen counter and watched as Naruto prepared sandwiches. He told himself it was because he had to supervise any culinary activity Naruto engaged in. When making anything besides ramen, the man had a tendency to get 'creative'. That his supervision afforded him the opportunity to stand close to Naruto, absorbing his scent, was merely something that could not be avoided.

Naruto always smelt like citrus and sunshine (the corniness of the thought made Sasuke wince). The faint underlying smell of antiseptic meant that Naruto had come directly from the hospital. Sasuke's house lay on the way to Naruto's from work, and the blond's hunger couldn't hold out for the extra two minutes until he got to his own place.

The antiseptic scent now aggravated the scratching in Sasuke's throat. The sensation was annoyingly persistent. Once again, he cleared his throat, using the friction to ease the tickling. He was not catching a cold, he told himself. Uchihas do not catch colds. Uchihas will do nothing that indicates that they may be mere mortals. That someone in his family had not found a way to circumvent the need for toilet facilities was always a marvel to Sasuke.

His throat tickled again, and he cleared his throat more forcefully. Apparently those freezing, early morning showers were catching up to him. This was distinctly Naruto's fault. He glared over at Naruto only to see the younger man looking at him.

"What's the matter with you?" Naruto took a sip of his soda and continued looking at Sasuke with interest.

"What do you mean what's the matter with me?" Sasuke glared and stifled the urge to clear his throat again.

"You've cleared your throat four times in as many minutes. I know because it's been annoying the hell out of me. What, are you sick?"

"It's my throat and I'm in my house. I can clear both whenever I wish, and as often as I wish. You have a problem with that- get out!"

People can be irritable when they get sick. Then again, this was Sasuke: irritability came with the territory.

Sasuke got nervous as Naruto's face adopted the fox look. There were many variations of it. Sasuke had first seen this one when Naruto had found a 'really cool' wasp nest to poke when they were kids. It had not ended well. Sasuke shifted nervously as Naruto came to stand in front of him. They were about the same height, but suddenly Sasuke felt distinctly shorter.

"What- what are you doing?" Sasuke's voice had come out several octaves higher than he would have liked. Naruto had put his hands around Sasuke's head, and the blond's face was descending to his- almost in slow motion.

For a wild moment, Sasuke though Naruto was going to kiss him. Instead, Naruto simply brought their foreheads together.

"I've been handling the soda. My hands are too chilly to take your temperature." Sasuke stared, eyes wide as he tried to control his breathing, while Naruto murmured his explanation.

Naruto slid his hands forward to rest his fingers lightly below Sasuke's ears- at the junctures of his jaw and throat. The fingers pressed lightly into Sasuke's flesh, probing and feeling. Naruto still hadn't moved his forehead from the other man's.

"Your glands are a little swollen…" Sasuke didn't respond to that. He just stared down at Naruto's lips, less than an inch away from his own. If he shifted slightly, he could press his body flush against Naruto's. He fought the temptation- he had to stay in control of something.

Sasuke then felt Naruto's brow furrow. "Call me crazy, but I think you're actually getting warmer…"

_No kidding… _Sasuke could have laughed at that. Whose temperature wouldn't go up in this situation?

One of Naruto's hands left his throat to move down to Sasuke's wrist. Sasuke realized his breathing had become ragged as Naruto massaged slow circles on his wrist. If Naruto noticed (and he should since Sasuke was breathing into his face), he didn't find it worth commenting upon.

"Your pulse is fast and a little erratic…"

_He has got to be joking._

Sasuke was no expert, but he felt that this could not all be standard medical procedure. He wasn't complaining, though, and was content staying silent for the time being. He certainly wasn't going to be the one to pull back. Not because he wanted this so badly, but simply because, well- Uchihas don't pull back. Yeah...that'll work.

Naruto dropped Sasuke's wrist, both hands moving to the first button of Sasuke's shirt. The man groaned as Naruto's knuckles grazed his chest and the buttons popped open.

Any patient, however ignorant as to his illness, would be completely within his rights to stop Naruto and ask what the hell he thought he was doing. That patient would have been crazy. Sasuke wasn't crazy. Uchihas weren't…

Well, in good conscience, Sasuke couldn't attribute his lack of craziness to his Uchiha blood. Despite their prestige and wealth, his was a family filled with crazy people: megalomaniacs, war criminals and a curiously large number of pyromaniacs. The last button opened, and Naruto ran his hands up Sasuke's chest to his shoulders, finally slipping the shirt off.

Abruptly, all sensation was lost. The lightly touching hands left; Naruto removed his forehead and completely pulled away. Sasuke almost pitched forward in surprise.

"W-what?" Sasuke blinked up with soft, unfocused eyes, completely overstimulated.

"Turn around."

"Huh?" Arousal always made Sasuke a little slow.

"Turn around." Naruto gave the command in the same tone any doctor would use to tell his patient to say 'ah'.

Sasuke turned around as instructed. 'Compliant' was not a word anyone who knew Sasuke would normally use to describe him. However, these were special circumstances.

Naruto's hands went through Sasuke's hair, massaging his temples until his head drooped forward in relaxation. One hand then moved to Sasuke's neck, rubbing lightly as the other slid down to Sasuke's lower back. Naruto pressed a thumb over each vertebra, working slowly up the man's back.

It was expertly done, for Naruto had gifted hands. Kami-sama, bless the medical profession. Sasuke gripped the counter, fighting off the need to shudder as electric shocks ran up his spine. Naruto kept massaging his neck, keeping his body relaxed even as the other hand tried to devastate him. Sasuke was starting to feel tortured.

"What are you doing?" Sasuke figured that if he was going to ask this question at all, now was as good a time as any.

"Preventative medicine…" was the prompt answer. "If people gave their bodies what they needed when they needed it, they wouldn't have to cram them with pills and syrups later on."

Sasuke groaned as Naruto pressed completely against him. "Trust me, I know what you need…" Naruto's sudden husky whispering in his ear had Sasuke going nearly boneless. "…Right now I am trying to relax you."

"But I am not relaxed…" Sasuke was talking through gritted teeth by this point.

"You feel more relaxed! Your neck and shoulders were so tense before…" Naruto sounded taken aback and intensified his efforts by blowing lightly behind Sasuke's ear and over his neck. Sasuke shuddered and slumped forward. "See…no tension!"

"It relocated." Sasuke wasn't kidding. All the blood, muscle and bone in his body appeared to have taken residence in his groin.

Naruto stopped rubbing his back and rested the hand lightly on Sasuke's chest.

"Really? Show me…" With Naruto whispering huskily in his ear, Sasuke obeyed. In a blind, unthinking moment, Sasuke took Naruto's hand and pressed it over his throbbing erection.

"Oh…" Naruto's statement, tinted with genuine surprise, snapped Sasuke back to reality. Oh jeez, what did he just do?

Before other mortifying thoughts could surface, Sasuke felt his head being dragged backward by the hair. The slight pain and surprise vanished as hungry lips covered his. Naruto's body pressed into his back as the kiss deepened despite the awkward positioning of their bodies. Naruto undid Sasuke's belt, unbuttoned his pants and unzipped him, still gripping Sasuke's hair tightly. Sasuke groaned loudly into Naruto's mouth as the man's hand plunged into his pants, palming him firmly.

Needing more, Sasuke turned, gaining the ability to deepen the kiss. Naruto broke it a few moments later to trail hot kisses down Sasuke's neck. He sucked and bit, pausing briefly to blow over the sensitized area. Naruto licked at the sweat starting to run down Sasuke's chest and then moved to lick at his nipples.

Sasuke shook and panted, hands fisting into Naruto's hair as the blond moved down to his abs. He felt his pants and boxers being pulled down. The brief touch of cool air was burnt clean away by the heat radiating off his body.

He couldn't stop himself from yelling out when he felt Naruto's tongue lick slowly up his length. He looked down to see Naruto staring up at him, blue eyes darkening rapidly. Naruto held his gaze as he started to pump Sasuke slowly, his other hand running smoothly up and down the back of Sasuke's thigh.

Sasuke's eyes closed as he started to drown in sensation. They flew open once again when he felt firm lips on the tip of his erection. Naruto slowly engulfed him, gauging how much he could take without fear of gagging. Naruto started working backward before slowly descending again.

Sasuke's hands tangled even more tightly into the bright blond hair as Naruto built up speed and rhythm. Sasuke was surprised at how loud he was being as Naruto flicked his tongue over him sucking and pulling at his length. Unable to stop himself, he thrust into Naruto's mouth, begging him not to stop.

Naruto slowed to a snail's pace and grazed his teeth along the thick vein running the length of the pulsing member, moving his hand to scratch lightly at Sasuke's inner thigh. Sasuke arched up and threw his head back- smacking into a frying pan hanging behind him. He felt no pain, too engrossed in the feel of Naruto. The collision produced an odd ringing noise that Sasuke blocked out as Naruto removed his mouth and started pumping him again.

"Sasuke…" The deep, husky voice nearly sent Sasuke over the edge. He yelled again and his head snapped back as a warm thumb rubbed firmly over the tip of his penis.

Again his head connected with the frying pan. The ringing noise was louder and clearer this time, almost distracting Sasuke. That is, until Naruto resumed sucking on him vigorously.

Kami-sama, he was so close. He felt release building as Naruto's lips moved over him at an almost frantic pace. Sasuke was shouting Naruto's name unabashedly, feeling the familiar tightening of his body before release. The damned pans behind him were clanging and ringing even more loudly. The noisy ringing escalated to an almost unbearable level.

Why were there pans hanging behind him? He didn't cook!

He was about to explode into Naruto's waiting mouth when the sharp ringing tore into his consciousness.

_"WHAT? WHAT? DAMN IT! WHAT?"_ Sasuke screamed into the phone as the erotic dream disintegrated into nothingness.

"Well, good morning to you too, sunshine!" It was the idiot, yawning a greeting to him, completely unruffled by the livid answer to his phone call.

Sasuke blinked in confusion. He looked around for Naruto but only found himself alone in his bed, twisted and tangled in the sheets. Naruto's voice was coming from the receiver he held in a death grip. It took Sasuke a while to realize he had been having one of his 'take-me-now-Naruto' fantasies. Arousal always made Sasuke a little slow.

This being true, his IQ was currently about the same as a frozen vegetable. He hadn't gotten to release in his dream, and his erection throbbed painfully. Naruto's sleep-husked voice was not helping matters either. Sasuke looked at the clock: 5:42 in the morning. Wonderful…

What kind of moron called people this early? Now he was going to need a cold shower…an ice-cold shower…while he masturbated. He hated masturbating! Uchihas don't… (Oh, you know how this line ends.) But now he had to, for where was he going to find a willing Naruto lookalike this early in the morning?

"Oi, teme! Are you listening to me?"

Sasuke glared at the obnoxiously noisy phone in his hand. This was all his fault! Everything wrong in Sasuke's universe at this moment was Naruto's fault. Therefore, Sasuke decided, he should make amends for a little bit of it.

"Oi, Naruto…"

"Oh, I thought you went back to sleep on me. I-"

"It's been one week, dobe."

"Huh?" The confusion in Naruto's voice made him smile evilly.

"It's been one week since…"

"Don't you dare! Don't you start that shit!"

"It's been one week since you looked at me… Help me sing, Naruto. You know the words." Sasuke could hear Naruto gritting his teeth before the blonde expelled a loud sigh and started singing at outrageous speed.

"It's been one week since you looked at me, cocked your head to the side and said 'I'm angry'. Five days since you laughed at me, saying 'get that together come back and see me'. Three days since the living room, I realized it's all my fault, but couldn't tell you. Yesterday you'd forgiven me- but it'll still be two days till I say I'm sorry!"

Naruto had an idiosyncrasy that Sasuke exploited for a range of odd purposes. Naruto had fallen in love with the Barenaked Ladies's song 'One Week' when they were younger. He would sing it 24/7 for weeks, annoying Sasuke and everyone in earshot. When Naruto finally stopped the non-stop karaoke, he was horrified to find that he couldn't stop himself from singing the song whenever it came up. No matter where he was or who he was with, if the song was so much as mentioned, Naruto had to sing the whole thing. Even in surgery or in a conference… He hated it. To make up for it, he would sing the song at break-neck pace to end it quickly. He sounded like a remix on speed.

Sasuke usually thought it was hilarious. Right now, he decided to find it sexy and get some relief from it. As Sasuke heard Naruto launch into his breathless musical spiel, he moved his hand beneath the covers and started stroking himself. He was such a pervert.

"Hold it now and watch the hoodwink as I make you stop, think. You'll think you're looking at Aquaman. I summon fish to the dish, although I like the Chalet Swiss. I like the sushi 'cause it's never touched a frying pan. Hot like wasabi when I bust rhymes, big like Leann Rimes, because I'm all about value. Bert Kaempfert's got the mad hits. You try to match wits, you try to hold me but I bust through.  
Gonna make a break and take a fake. I'd like a stinkin' achin' shake. I like vanilla; it's the finest of the flavours. Gotta see the show, cause then you'll know 'The Vertigo' is gonna grow 'cause it's so dangerous, you'll have to sign a waiver.  
How can I help it if I think you're funny when you're mad? Trying hard not to smile though I feel bad… I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral.  
Can't understand what I mean? Well, you soon will. I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve; I have a history of taking off my shirt.  
It's been one week since you looked at me, threw your arms in the air and said 'You're crazy'. Five days since you tackled me, I've still got the rug burns on both my knees. It's been three days since the afternoon. You realized it's not my fault, not a moment too soon. Yesterday you'd forgiven me. And now I sit back and wait till you say you're sorry."

Naruto paused, panting heavily. He didn't pause because he needed the breath, though he did. It was simply because the song had a rather long instrumental break in it, and he had to acknowledge it. That was how deep the quirk was for Naruto. Despite his haste to end the song, he had to recognize significant pauses. Sasuke didn't mind: the sound of Naruto panting was pushing him over the edge. He stifled his own panting and stroked harder and faster, waiting for the other man to resume. As Naruto geared for his big finish, so did Sasuke.

"Chickity China, the Chinese chicken. You have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin'. Watchin' X-files with no lights on, we're dans la maison. I hope the Smoking Man's in this one! Like Harrison Ford I'm getting frantic, like Sting I'm tantric, like Snickers, guaranteed to satisfy _(Sasuke smirked). _Like Kurasawa I make mad films! Okay, I don't make films- but if I did they'd have a samurai! Gonna get a set of better clubs, gonna find the kind with tiny nubs just so my irons aren't always flying off the back-swing! Gotta get in tune with Sailor Moon, 'cause that cartoon has got the _boom_, anime babes that make me think the wrong thing!  
How can I help it if I think you're funny when you're mad? Trying hard not to smile though I feel bad... I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral.  
Can't understand what I mean? You soon will. I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve… I have a history of losing my shirt!  
It's been one week since you looked at me, dropped your arms to your sides and said 'I'm sorry'. Five days since I laughed at you, and said 'You just did just what I thought you were gonna do!' Three days since the living room, we realized we're both to blame, but what could we do? Yesterday you just smiled at me, 'cause it'll still be two days till we say were sorry…"

The song was ending, and Sasuke used the last of his sanity to shove the receiver under his pillow before he came- hard… Getting yourself off was apparently a lot better when the object of your fantasy (could) provided some type of real stimulus. Sasuke looked at the time: 5:44 AM. This had to be some sort or record…for both him and Naruto. Sasuke's feeble conscience finally decided to make an accusatory appearance. Sasuke just smiled deeply in satisfaction as the voice made a sad and futile attempt to make him feel bad.

'_You just jerked off to your best friend's voice…_'

_I know…_

'_You know how he is… You forced him to sing that ridiculous song!_'

_I know…_

'_You are the worst kind of pervert!_ '

_I know…_

'_…_'

_Anything else?_

_(Muttering) _'_You're going to hell…_'

_(Sigh) I know…_

"Oi, teme!" The sound of Naruto's muffled voice came to him from under his pillow. Sasuke fished out the phone, still smiling like a kid at Christmas.

"Yeah?"

"Well, I hope you've finished getting your kicks, you bastard!" Oh, Naruto had no idea. "Since you are done with your revenge for my waking you, get your lazy ass up. Lee and I are taking you jogging!" Sakura had the same tone of voice when she said that same sentence…only it ended with the word 'shopping'. Sasuke rolled his eyes, knowing better than to waste his breath arguing. "We'll be there in ten minutes."

FIVE minutes later, the loud knock came. Sasuke had had just enough time to yank on a pair of black sweatpants. He opened the door to reveal a green-clad idiot and an orange-clad idiot.

"Good morning, Sasuke-kun! May today's sun shine brightly upon you!" Sasuke just glared at Lee, not even bothering to point out that there _was_ no sun. He turned his back and marched into his house, heading off to find sneakers. Naruto and Lee strolled in, completely used to his sullenness.

Sasuke would never admit it, but Lee was an inspiration to him. Lee was living proof that sitting back and doing nothing could still win you the person of your dreams.

Lee was always…intense, even as a little kid. When it was time for everyone to learn martial arts, Lee appeared to be the only one who couldn't get the hang of it. In a town where you were expected to be naturally gifted at that, Lee had had a hard time. He was fit, no doubt about it, but the form and techniques escaped him. No sensei they had seemed to be able to work with him. Until Gai-sensei. Gai was as intense as Lee could ever hope to be. They both had a manic zest for life and energy that seemed ridiculous. Not to mention the eyebrows. Lee looked like Gai's mini-me.

Whatever tactic Gai used to teach Lee- worked. The boy managed to surpass them all in basic taijutsu. The boy's level of focus has been insane! The only time Lee wasn't focused was when Sakura was around. He fell in love with her when he was 13 and never stopped for a minute.

Sakura's initial response to Lee's affection was anything but encouraging. She freaked out about his looks, his eye-brows, his passionate personality…she freaked out about everything. Lee never pushed it, just left her alone and reminded her once in a while that he was still around, still waiting for her.

He gained her respect through his dedication to his goals and his friends, but it wasn't until he saved her from a group of thugs that she started giving him the time of day. They became friends, but Sakura had only had eyes for Sasuke. Even after her crush ended, she still couldn't see Lee in a romantic light. But fate seemed to keep pushing them together, and gradually Sakura fell in love. Their marriage was relief to Sasuke on so many levels. This meant maybe he could rely on fate instead of putting himself out on a limb to get Naruto.

Sasuke dragged on his black sneakers and t-shirt and grudgingly stepped out into the cool morning air. He didn't know if he was up to working out with Naruto just minutes after…doing what he did.

'_You pervert!'_

_Shut up…_

He was never at his best this early in the morning. Suppose he lost it and molested the blond Not only would he get his ass kicked by an infuriated Naruto, but there was a taijutsu specialist ready to assist in knocking the 'springtime of youth' out of him.

"Yes! We are all ready! There is no time to dawdle during the springtime of youth! Forward, my friends!"

"All right, dattebayo!"

Sasuke sighed as both young men finished their declarations with energetic fist pumps into the air.

He wanted to kill them both.

He jogged along miserably as Naruto and Lee chatted about their jobs. Lee had opened the 'Mighty Rock' gym with Gai, training others in taijutsu and offering exercise regimens. Talk eventually turned to other things, and Naruto's wretched date with Ms. 'I can see my house from anywhere' came up.

"That is wonderful, Naruto-kun! I am sure Hinata-san is a lovely young woman!" Lee tried to curb his natural enthusiasm and gave a significant look at Sasuke. "One should always take the initiative in matters of love. Opportunities and time wait for no man."

Sasuke knew what that look meant. Damn Sakura, what does she do…scream out his business when she orgasms?

Naruto was laughing."It's a first date, Lee. It's hardly a 'matter of love' yet! Oi, Sasuke, can I borrow one of your cars for tonight?"

First? Yet? Did Naruto honestly plan to ask this girl out again before even going out on the date? Sasuke fought to urge to tell Naruto 'no' and that all four of his cars were in the shop. Instead, he grudgingly acquiesced.

What kind of moron doesn't wait to see how a date goes before considering asking someone out again? Suppose the date was a complete disaster? Naruto and Hinata's date could be the worst one in history. In fact, Sasuke decided, he would make sure of it.

* * *

**A/N**: Whew, these chapters are long! It took me several hours to type! Forgive me for writing out the entire 'One Week' song if it annoyed you. I just love that song so much and wanted to share it. I merged my own obsession with the song with an idea from 'South Park', where Cartman has to sing this particular song whenever he hears a line of it. He sings it at warp speed too, just to get it over with. (XD!)


	4. Date Night

**A/N:** Chapter four! I can't believe I'm really four chapters in.

* * *

Shizune consulted her clipboard before turning to address the doctors gathered in the small conference room. "One more item before we dismiss. It's that time again: we need a couple of volunteers to go with some interns in the BRACA mobile."

The BRACA mobile, donated by a wealthy breast cancer survivor, transported medical staff to remote areas that had little or no real medical facilities. Every few months, interns were taken into the rural areas where they would give free breast exams, information and any minor medical assistance that might be needed.

Every male hand in the room shot up. Tsunade, head resting lazily on her fist, cast an eye over the group. Her unrivalled brilliance in surgery and diagnostics had made her a shoe-in for the Chief of Medicine position. Had they known of her distaste for actual work and bureaucratic procedures, they may have reconsidered. Thank goodness for Shizune.

"Not you, Gaki, you went the last two times. Even Christmas only comes once a year!" she said. Naruto pouted and lowered his hand. "Kabuto, Rin- you guys are going!"

Kabuto whooped and flashed Naruto a victory sign. Rin sighed: she hadn't even volunteered.

Tsunade spoke up, grabbing Kabuto's attention. "Oi, Kabuto. I'll remind you that nubile young women in the 17-24 age range are NOT in the high-risk category for breast cancer! So those half-hour examinations of yours are completely unnecessary!"

"Since when is being thorough a crime?" Kabuto asked wide-eyed as if he were being unjustly persecuted.

"Since sexual molestation became a crime. Rin, I expect a full report from you! Including notes on Kabuto's behaviour."

"Yes, Tsunade-sama!"

Shizune then dismissed everyone.

Sakura told Naruto she would see him later as she remained behind to consult Tsunade. Naruto was almost out the door when Tsunade's voice had him turning back. "Oi, Naruto, stay a while!"

Naruto sat slowly as he tried to remember if he had done anything wrong. He couldn't think of anything offhand, but he was still nervous.

Tsunade came up to him and started tugging lightly at his hair. "I hear you have a big date tonight…"

When Naruto gave Sakura a pointed look; she whistled and stared at the ceiling. Tsunade smiled as she continued playing with the bright blond hair.

She had met Naruto when they were both at turbulent junctures in their lives. She had been a woman trapped in grief over her husband's death and the child that would never exist; he had been a rebellious, hyperactive 12 year old who couldn't stay away from trouble and bodily injury.

That night at the hospital, they had not hit it off. He was a loudmouthed smartass that got unto her last nerve with an ease that was remarkable. Naruto's guardian was no more than a kid himself, and Tsunade could see that Iruka was in a little over his head. Before she could figure out what she was doing- she'd challenged the boy to a bet.

She had promised him her most prized possession- a necklace she had received from her grandfather, and later reclaimed from her husband's body. She also promised to acknowledge (over the hospital's PA system no less) that Naruto was the greatest and would achieve anything he set his mind to and that she was a miserable old hag. Naruto had been dared to stay out of trouble while maintaining at least a 'B' average for an entire year. He also had to work with Tsunade at the hospital after school- not missing a day except for illness or some reasonable circumstance.

Tsunade was unsure when it had happened, but the boisterous young man had managed to ingrain himself so deeply into her life, she had difficulty imagining it without him. Despite the biological impossibilities, she had actually found a son to love, and a reason to have faith again. She had never been happier to lose a bet…and she had lost a lot.

"I also hear that the date is with a certain Hyuuga heiress!"

Naruto sighed and slumped. "Why are you people making such a big deal out of this? I've gone on dates before, you know! Jeez, even Sasuke's taking an interest! Do you want to know where I am taking her too?"

There were twin frowns on Tsunade's and Sakura's faces. The two women looked at each other and back to a fuming Naruto.

"So Sasuke wanted to know where you were taking her?" Sakura asked hesitantly, sneaking more nervous looks at Tsunade.

"Yeah, he was probably just looking for an opportunity to tease me or something…"

"You told him?" Tsunade interrupted, the implications and possibilities running through her mind.

"Yeah...what's the problem?" Naruto looked from Sakura to Tsunade, both quickly adopting big fake, nervous grins.

"Nothing! Nothing, we were just asking!"

* * *

Evening came way too quickly for Sasuke's liking, and before long, some idiot was leaning on his doorbell. He stalked over and swung the door open, ready to chew Naruto out.

It wasn't fair… Naruto didn't look that different from usual. He wore black pants and an orange dress shirt, the black jacket looped casually over his arm. His hair was as wild as ever, framing his face in the usual gold halo. Yet the overall effect was enough to knock the wind out of Sasuke. He caught on to the fact that he was staring the same time Naruto did.

"What, is there something on my face?" Naruto started dabbing at his face self-consciously as Sasuke snapped out of his trance.

"No, I'm just surprised at what can happen with a little effort. Do you do 'back to normal' at midnight?"

Naruto gave a bashful, lopsided smile that did awful things to Sasuke's insides. The blond bumped him roughly with his shoulder as he pushed his way inside. "Shut up! You know I always look go-od!" Naruto headed over to Sasuke's car-key rack and sighed.

All of the cars there fit Sasuke. When he was driving them, it didn't appear as though he were being pretentious or showing off- they just seemed natural extensions of his personality. When Naruto drove them, he felt like a fake.

He eliminated the Paradox, since that was Sasuke's favourite and the one he used regularly. He couldn't drive the Viper either- the flaming red car made him want to take too many risks while driving, and he wouldn't be alone in the car tonight. Nor would he take the Ashton- it was a James Bond car, enough said.

"Would it kill you to drive a Japanese-make? Not even a Honda or something? You have no patriotism."

"The entire world drives our cars- I'm simply returning the favour. Just shut up and choose one!"

Naruto took the keys to the Mercedes. That wasn't so bad- it was an older model and had plenty of miles on it. "I'm out of here! You'll get your car back tomorrow, unless we elope! Then, I'll take it as a wedding gift from you!" Naruto grinned as he headed to the door.

"Don't even joke about that…" Sasuke growled at him as Naruto opened the door to head out.

"Relax, I was just kidding. You'll get you car back tomorrow, meanie!"

Sasuke waited a few minutes after hearing the car drive off before he got up and went to get dressed. He didn't have to hurry since he knew exactly where Naruto and Hinata would be heading.

* * *

The Floating Butterfly was one of the hottest restaurants around. To simply walk in off the street and get a table would have to mean you were either one of the rich and elite or you were a serious power player. Naruto was in neither category, but he did know the owner. As such, one of the best tables was always reserved for him.

"Uzumaki-sama, welcome back!" The hostess gave Naruto a megawatt smile before surreptitiously glaring at Hinata. The latter suppressed a sigh. She had lost count of the women glaring at her at the hospital, and now they were doing it on the street.

A few minutes after they were seated, a dark-haired, black-clad man showed up.

"Uchiha-sama, welcome back!"

Sasuke gave the gushing girl a small smile, effectively ensuring that she would be putty in his hands and do whatever he told her.

Soon he was seated, well hidden in the shadows at one of the tables, and shaded uselessly further by a large palm plant. He had a perfect view of Naruto's table, and it had only taken the relocation of a small family party to do it.

As he waited and contemplated what he was going to do, Sasuke was taken off-guard by an attack of conscience. As he watched Naruto and Hinata talk easily to each other, he wondered to himself: was he really going to ruin this for his friend? Naruto didn't go out that much to begin with, and for him to ask someone out was a big deal. His attention was pulled back to Naruto's table by the sound of laughter, and Sasuke felt his heart sink. Naruto really liked this girl, and they were getting along so well.

The more he thought about it the worse the idea made him feel. _Love sucks._

Heaving a sigh, Sasuke was about to leave, head home and crawl into a bottle of vodka when Hinata accidentally knocked her napkin off the table. She and Naruto both leaned over to get it, and their fingers brushed. They both went still and locked eyes, Hinata's position also giving Naruto a generous view of her ample cleavage. Both blushed and straightened quickly, a waiter being the person to ultimately rescue the forgotten napkin.

Oh, that bitch was going down. _Accidentally knocked off her napkin, my ass._ Sasuke would be damned if he lost Naruto to some calculating nymphomaniac harpy.

Ignoring the niggling voice that told him he was being insanely irrational and should just go home, Sasuke scanned the restaurant for the waiter who looked the easiest to bribe and corrupt.

A large entity completely blocked Sasuke's view, and the man looked up in consternation. Recognition was immediate and Sasuke swore viciously in his head. Outside, however, he remained completely placid.

"Hey, Chouji…"

Chouji was the owner and head chef of the Floating Butterfly, and hence the reason Naruto was always assured a table. Technically, Chouji was also Sasuke's friend. However, Sasuke knew that with the exception of Sakura, all his 'friends' were actually Naruto's friends who simply accepted him as part of an unavoidable package deal- _the_ unavoidable part. The reverse was also true; he mostly tolerated them for Naruto's sake. Although, after years of weird adventures and growing pains, Sasuke had managed to form a sort of grudging friendship with some of them, independent of Naruto. After all, they were all just planets orbiting the same stupid blond star, getting pulled in by his irresistible gravity.

In any event, Chouji would hardly go out of his way to personally greet Sasuke unless he was there with Naruto. Something was definitely off.

"Hey, Sasuke. How're you doing?" Sasuke inclined his head and lifted an eyebrow. Chouji grinned and continued as if Sasuke had actually spoken. "Want to hear something funny?"

Sasuke lowered one eyebrow and lifted another, hoping that Chouji got to the point quickly. The bastard was completely blocking Naruto from view. Chouji continued speaking without any evident encouragement. "Sakura called earlier…" Sasuke rolled his eyes. That woman was going to be the death of him. Just whose side was she on anyway? "…said to be on the lookout for you. Damndest thing too, she said you might be out to ruin Naruto's date. I told her that was crazy!"

"Indeed…" Sasuke was levelling his gaze at Chouji now, hoping to intimidate him into leaving him the hell alone.

"But you know Sakura, she can be so convincing when she needs to be. So I promised that you would do no such thing. Well, there is only one way to assure that."

Sasuke got the hint quickly. "Are you trying to kick me out?"

"That's a harsh way of putting it!"

"That is the only way to put it. I am not being disruptive or offensive, and I'm a paying customer. You have no grounds to throw me out. I'm not going anywhere."

"Oh, but it's my restaurant, and I reserve the right to ask patrons to leave if I feel like it." Apparently, tonight Chouji was tripling as a bouncer as well. Sasuke's gaze narrowed as Chouji looked him square in the eyes. "Go home, Sasuke…"

"Make me…"

* * *

In retrospect, Sasuke thought as he went sailing out the back door of the Butterfly's kitchen, challenging the 275-pound former captain of the college wrestling team might not have been the best way to handle things.

Sasuke landed with a soft thud in the overstuffed garbage bags piled next to the dumpster. He painfully raised his head to glare at the man filling the doorway.

Chouji smiled as if in apology. "You know, Sasuke, there _are_ mature and direct ways of dealing with this situation. Ruining Naruto's date is not one of them. My people have been instructed not to let you back in, at the cost of their jobs…including the hostess." Chouji turned and prepared to leave. He yelled over his shoulder as the door closed, "Come back tomorrow! I'll make all your favourites, on the house!" And with that, the door slammed.

Sasuke shimmied off the greasy garbage bags, wincing as he stood.

Great, the love of his life was inside wining and dining some spoiled heiress, while he was outside, stinking of garbage. Sasuke failed to see how this could get any worse.

In answer to his unintended challenge, there was a flash of lightning and a loud clap of thunder. A second later, a heavy, drenching rain was pouring steadily over him. Sasuke inhaled deeply and counted to ten. Now he smelt like wet garbage- _wonderful_. Squelching loudly, he headed off to get his car.

_Vodka it is._

* * *

He was being robbed. He was hung-over and heartbroken and he was being robbed. The thieves didn't even have the decency to be quiet about it either. Sasuke groaned and stumbled down the stairs, preparing to fend off the bloodthirsty gang looting his stuff.

There were no thieves, only Naruto.

What kind of moron made that much noise returning car keys?

"Oi, teme! You're awake! I got tired of knocking. Want some breakfast?"

Sasuke glared as Naruto chivvied an obscene amount of eggs about in a large frying pan. _His_ eggs and _his_ frying pan. He grumpily sat down at the counter.

"Have some breakfast and then you can take these." Naruto placed a plate of eggs and toast before him as well as orange juice and two tablets.

"What's this? The hair of the dog that bit me (1)?" Sasuke sniffed at the orange juice and eyed the pills.

"No, just good food and a couple of pain-killers. They will help get rid of your hangover." Naruto was merrily digging into his breakfast and sputtering with his mouth full.

"Why do you think I'm hung-over?" Sasuke eyed the blond warily.

"I came to check on you when you didn't answer the door. You had so much fumes coming off you, you could have had your own octane rating."

Sasuke's eyes widened at that. Naruto had been in his room! What if he had said something in his sleep?

"Don't worry, you revealed nothing. All you did was snore, drool, fart and mutter 'Ooh yeah, you know what I need…give it to me, give it to me, oh yeah, give it to me!' Then I decided to leave in case you got 'active' in your sleep."

Sasuke fought a blush and muttered, "I did no such thing, you total moron…" Yes, he had- he was recalling the Naruto-centric dream quite vividly.

The only ill effect Sasuke ever had after imbibing too much was a beastly headache. It was now exacting sweet revenge on him as he attempted to chew his breakfast. Taking a break from the exhausting activity, he glanced over at Naruto, who was dishing out his third helping of food.

"So, how did your date go?"

"Not bad. Talked, pigged out on Chouji's food, took her home and went to bed."

"YOU SLEPT WITH HER!" The loud outburst revved Sasuke's headache to breaking point, and he abruptly dropped his volume.

"No, you pervert! I went to _my _bed! She gave me a kiss on the cheek and that was it. It never even crossed my mind going any further!" Naruto took an indignant bite of his toast, and Sasuke's headache drained blissfully away. "I doubt that will change tomorrow night either."

Apparently, Sasuke's headache had drained blissfully away simply to return with reinforcements. The man pinched between his eyes painfully and staggered to his coach. Naruto frowned and followed him.

"Jeez, you really went overboard last night, didn't you?" Sasuke stiffened as he felt a hand dive into his hair and start massaging his scalp. Another hand moved to rub his neck. After all these years, the concept of personal space still managed to elude Naruto. "What's the matter with you anyway? You don't usually drink…"

Sasuke didn't respond as Naruto soothed the tense muscles spanning his head, neck and shoulders. What kind of moron just went around massaging people like that? It was simply asking for trouble.

Within a couple of minutes, the pain was gone, not that Sasuke felt like sharing that information. However, without the distraction of the pain, Sasuke's mind drifted to other things. Soon his head was filled with images from the dream of him and Naruto in the kitchen. His brain omitted the memory of Naruto's phone call waking him and simply went on to continue the fantasy.

Soon, all Sasuke could see were he and Naruto naked on his kitchen floor, a sweaty tangle of limbs and heavy breathing. A far-away voice, sounding curiously like the man he was kissing, muttered something about bastards completely overdoing it. He ignored it, because the Naruto in his daydream was running his fingers through his hair and saying his name as Sasuke plunged his mouth down his length.

There was a swift tug on his hair and an equally fast movement of body as Naruto flipped him onto the cool floor. The blond surged over him, one hand still tangled in his hair as the other moved to stroke Sasuke's erection.

"You want this?" Naruto whispered huskily to him, and Sasuke nodded dumbly, going mindless with pleasure.

Naruto tilted his head back to better attack his neck, his grip on Sasuke's member tightening and the strokes coming harder. Sasuke groaned deeply and thrust into Naruto's fist. He yanked Naruto's head up to kiss him again, loving the feel of the other's tongue sliding against his.

Naruto pulled away and stared down at him. "Do you really want to do this with him standing there?"

Sasuke looked around Naruto's shoulder to see another Naruto, staring at them with a perfect expression of 'WTF?'

Sasuke's eyes snapped open. _Shit!_ In an instant, he bolted out of the chair and Naruto's touch and made a beeline for the bathroom.

Naruto blinked in confusion, his hands poised in midair where they had been massaging Sasuke's tense muscles. He followed to find a locked bathroom door. He knocked loudly and listened to the strangled sounds coming from the other side. "Sasuke! You okay in there?" Sasuke responded that he was just fine, through gritted teeth. "Do you need me to hold your hair back or something?"

Sasuke blinked dumbly back at the door, pants down- engorged member in hand. Hold his hair back? It took him a while to realise that Naruto thought he was throwing up as another side effect of his hangover. Sasuke could literally feel his IQ dropping as he started to move his hand to get relief. "I can hold my own hair back, dobe! I don't need your help puking!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!" There was an extended pause as Sasuke tried with limited success to stifle his moans. In an extraordinary effort, Sasuke racked his brain to stir a helpful memory. "It's been one week."

"What, Sasuke?"

"I said it's been one week since you…"

"DAMMIT!"

Two and a half minutes later, both men were spent and panting. In unison, both leaned against the bathroom door and slumped to sit on the floor. It was another half a minute before Naruto turned to address the man on the other side.

"You're a mean bastard, you know that?"

"Look at the bright side; at least you helped me feel better!"

* * *

(1) The 'hair of the dog that bit you' is a dubious hangover 'cure' that is simply drinking more alcohol until you don't feel hung-over anymore. Don't use it; you'll only delay the inevitable…


	5. Confession lost

**A/N:** Chapter five!! So the fic keeps a-rollin' and we'll see how far we get.

Disclaimer: Besides not owning Naruto, I also don't own the Bloodhound Gang or anything related to them! The song used is the Bloodhound Gang's very own: 'I wish I was queer... (so I could get chicks)'. Enjoy!

* * *

Naruto was half-listening to Sasuke complain as the latter rummaged through his fridge. Naruto often wondered why he didn't save the unnecessary expense and simply live with Sasuke. The only time Sasuke wasn't at his house, was when Naruto was over at Sasuke's. They ate each other's food, slept in each other's beds, and both men had 'emergency' keys to the other's house that were used for everything but emergencies. The only thing they didn't do was wear each other's clothes. 

Well to be accurate, Sasuke never wore Naruto's clothes. Naruto smiled to himself as he pictured Sasuke wearing one of his bright orange ensembles. He sat down and started rifling through his wallet. Inserting a finger into one of the compartments, he pulled out the two prophylactics residing there. Turning them over, Naruto checked the expiration dates and winced. _Jeez, he really needed to get out more_.

Naruto headed into the kitchen and dumped the condoms in the trash. He was going to have to by new ones and definitely not at the hospital's drug store. If he was crazy enough to do that, every female hospital employee would be breathing down his neck in an instant. He couldn't believe the condoms were expired. Had it really been that long since he…you know?

"What are you doing?" Sasuke was eyeing him with evident suspicion as the blond crossed his arms, adopted his patented 'fox' look and began to contemplate the dismal state of his sex-life.

On their first date, Hinata had shyly given him a kiss on the cheek. On their second, she had gotten a little bolder and pressed her lips to his. At the end of their fifth and latest date, Hinata had shoved her tongue so far down his throat; he thought he'd need a fishing lure to get it out again.

Naruto knew that he wasn't the brightest crayon in the box in regards to a multitude of topics; but if there's one thing he could do- it was to spot a trend. And hence the inspection of his protection.

"My condoms are expired…got to get new ones…" Sasuke had to fight down his knee-jerk reaction to that statement.

"You really think someone's about to take pity on you?"

"Shut up! It's hardly a bad thing that, unlike some people, I don't see women as cheap carnival rides!"

"Is that because there would be a 'height' requirement to get on?"

You would never have guessed from the bickering that they were completely distracted by their own personal dramas. Sakura always told them how weird it was that they could argue at such a level without even really thinking about it. At the moment, Naruto was incredulous at the fact that he was the owner of expired condoms; and Sasuke was reeling from the potential acceleration of Naruto's relationship with Hinata.

Naruto ended the argument by sticking his tongue out at Sasuke, and heading into his basement/home gym. Sasuke followed- his mind racing as he tried to figure out what his next move should be. He decided that there was no way out of it; he had to tell Naruto his feelings. And he had to tell him now. If Naruto started sleeping with this woman, there may never be a chance for him after that. Sighing deeply, he opened his mouth to confess all.

"Naru…" Sasuke trailed off as he watched Naruto have a Calvin Klein moment.

In reality, Naruto had simply taken his shirt off and tossed it to one side. Sasuke somehow managed to slow it down to a frame-by-frame shot. In a process that went on too long and was over far too quickly, in Sasuke's estimation- Naruto had completed his transformation into shirtless!Naruto.

Sasuke didn't want to deal with shirtless!Naruto. Shirtless!Naruto made things far too difficult for him. Sasuke's brain was forced to execute many difficult functions simultaneously. He had to make sure he did not blush, pant, have a nosebleed or become suddenly incoherent.

In a lot of ways, shirtless!Naruto was even more difficult to deal with that naked!Naruto. Naked!Naruto was a transient species that was gone almost as soon as he appeared. Shirtless!Naruto could hang around for hours, slowly tormenting Sasuke. In truth, that Naruto was second only to soaking-wet-and-clad-only-in-towel!Naruto, who could easily render Sasuke comatose.

Remembering the direness of the situation, Sasuke shook himself to start his confession. Naruto had powered on his entertainment system, and had dropped to the ground to do push-ups. Sasuke opened his mouth again, only to be interrupted by a blaring rock song.

_My friend Jerry Vandergrift kissed me in Home-Ec class.  
Later in the afternoon, some Jar-heads in the locker-room kicked my ass.  
I said 'guys I'm like you, I like monster trucks too! Wanna see how many push-ups I can do?'  
I just wish I was queer, so I could get chicks…_

…_dig guys that are queer… Guys that don't chicks… that don't dig guys like me.  
See I'm not queer, I'm too ugly. _

_But if I were handsome, just imagine how great it would be!  
Incognito as a gay though, but not actually that way though; pseudo-homophony!_

Sasuke listened in fascinated horror as the song blared on. Naruto, singing blissfully along, finished his push-ups and went to kick-box his punching bag. What was this- a sign?

…_Scoring with a supermodel would be easy.  
See supermodel means voluptuous, but also is synonymous with super dumb!  
See I'd be a good listener so she'd treat like a sister, and soon I'd become…  
That trusted friend that cares, rubs her back and braids her hair.  
No it wouldn't that a week before I'm in her underwear._

Sasuke didn't know what to make of this. He was just sitting on the weight bench wondering if this was some type of cosmic joke at his expense. Naruto was completely pummelling the punching bag, apparently oblivious to Sasuke and his bewilderment.

_Doesn't matter what I'm packing in my denim, it's what's in my genes.  
The only smoked meat, the only sausage I would eat is made by Jimmy Dean.  
See I'm not too keen on the smell of Vaseline…  
No I'm not Princess Di, and I don't wanna be the queen!  
I just wish I was queer, so I could get chicks!_

_Anyway if I was gay, I'd have to change my name to Dirk or Lewis.  
Hang out with my mom's hairstylist: his name is Kip, he's got a lisp, he 'talkth like thith'.  
And wear my mother's lingerie, learn the songs of Broadway…  
And appreciate Depeche mode and Avant-garde ballet…_

"What the hell is that?!" Naruto stopped and blinked at Sasuke's outburst. "Where the hell do you find crap like that to listen to?"

"What, it's the Bloodhound Gang! It was a thank-you gift from Hinata's friend for treating her… Apparently he's into anything that has a canine connotation and…"

"You like that song!" Sasuke said it in the most accusing voice he could summon.

"Well yeah, their songs are hilarious. You should hear this one tune 'I hope you die', I was cracking up during the entire…"

"So you think just because a guy likes another guy, he's going to go running around in his mom's underwear and breaking into songs from the 'Sound of music'?"

"What?! No… Sasuke, this song is just a dumb joke. Although I do agree with the part about girls throwing themselves at the angst-filled, bishounen gay guys. Think about it, high school girls, college women…yaoi fangirls!"

"Dumb joke? It's a dumb joke? All that song is doing is perpetuating a completely asinine stereotype that…"

"That what? That gay guys are hot and could get any girl they want, but don't- on the account that they're _gay_? Yes, that's just vicious slander isn't it? One of the band member's girlfriend probably left him for a gay guy. They are just making a stupid joke. They make jokes at everything, like the guys who make South Park. Do you get pissed at Cartman in every episode? You're in the music industry for Kami-sama's sake! Since when do you get so offended by…"

Sasuke stiffened as Naruto stopped defending himself, and chose instead to regard him silently. Sasuke could hear the gears grinding in Naruto's head, and knew he had to stop the process quickly. When Naruto starts playing 'connect the dots', he could probably find Carmen Sandiego.

Sasuke forced his voiced to sound conciliatory and a little contrite.

"Tsk, forget it. I went to the Sound today and got a little wound up, that's all." This was supposed to translate to Naruto as 'I'm just picking a fight to blow off steam.'

Naruto nodded slowly, but didn't appear to completely accept the explanation. Sasuke sighed and stood up to leave. He knew he was taking the song far too seriously and blowing everything out of proportion. He couldn't help it though. It felt as if he had been shot down without even getting a chance to state his case. He felt defeated.

"Look, I'm a little tired and out of it. I'm just going to head home." He headed past Naruto, who still felt a little bewildered and worried at the odd turn of events.

"Sasuke?" Naruto called to him as he went up the steps. Sasuke ignored him and headed out the basement door. A few seconds later, Naruto heard his front door slam. The blonde slumped tiredly. "It was just a stupid song…"

* * *

As Hinata played with her keys, Naruto waited for the inevitable invitation. 

"Do you want to come in for a drink or something?" Hinata asked shyly as Naruto smiled.

"Yeah, sure…"

It wasn't very long before they were upstairs in her bedroom, Hinata tugging at Naruto's clothes as she moved him towards her bed.

"You're really good at this…" Hinata complimented Naruto's kissing skills between pants, as she succeeded in removing his shirt and piloting him to the foot of her bed.

"I glad you think so; because I'm really out of practice." Hinata giggled as she shoved him unto her soft mattress and fluffy pillows.

She straddled him and continued to kiss him, trailing her lips along his jaw line and his neck. Her hand dived underneath one of her pillows to fish something out. In a few minutes, Naruto found both his hands securely handcuffed to the bed-head. To say he was surprised would be an understatement.

"You keep silk handcuffs under your pillow?" Hinata smiled and used her long hair to sweep down Naruto's bare chest, the sensations effectively distracting him. She quickly and efficiently removed the rest of his clothes, before stopping.

"I need to get ready. I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere." And with that, Hinata excused herself and went into an adjoining bathroom.

Naruto tugged at the cuffs experimentally. He really wasn't expecting this, but it wasn't all that strange. Hinata was taking a while in the bathroom and Naruto to wonder if her shyness had returned full force. He was about to call out to her when the bathroom door flew open.

Jésus Maria Jose, what the hell did he just get himself into?

There stood Hinata, framed in the bathroom doorway, in all her black leather glory. Black leather, thigh-high boots over black fishnet stockings, led up to the short-shorts and a backless vest. Hinata's long blue-black hair added greatly to the overall effect. Nothing about the outfit though, could distract Naruto from the long leather whip in the young woman's hand.

"Umm, Hinata?"

"**That's Hinata-sama to you, slave!!"** Naruto's eyes widened as Hinata cracked the whip- making a sound like a pistol-shot. In a horribly clichéd moment; Naruto's life flashed before his eyes.

_Miso Pork Ramen…Shrimp Ramen… Beef Ramen…Korean Barbeque… Korean Barbeque Ramen(Do they even have that?)_

_His and Sasuke's first kiss…Ramen…The day Sasuke told him he was his best friend…Ramen…Peeking at Sakura in the public bath…The subsequent hospital visit…_

_Running through the fields with his faith dog, Lassie…_ Wait, that memory wasn't even his.

All Naruto knew at this point was that he didn't want to die. He wanted to live…LIVE!!

Before Naruto could speak, Hinata landed on him with a soft thud, knocking the wind out of him.

"Naruto, sometimes in the throes of pleasure, people might shout out things they don't mean. Like say 'stop twisting them, you crazy bitch, you're going to break them off!', 'where the hell do you think you're putting that thing?', 'vibrators shouldn't have horsepower' or 'I swear to god, I'll have you institutionalized.' That's why we are going to have a safety word."

Naruto voice squeaked out in horror: "Safety word?"

"Yes, just as a precaution, and for tonight is it's 'Verbloggenflerfluffeneinekleinenachtmusik'! Got it? Good!"

"Versace falafel what?" The rest of Naruto's panicked question was cut of by Hinata stuffing a sock in his mouth.

How was he supposed to say anything with a sock stuffed in his… oh. _Evil witch_.

"Now, I'm going to punish you until I think you are completely rehabilitated."

Naruto wasn't listening to her. He was busy using that talented tongue of his to force the sock out of his mouth. He prayed to Kami-sama that the sock wasn't used. As Naruto worked, Hinata pulled a large box from under the bed, containing some of the freakiest paraphernalia the man had ever seen. Where the hell was the sweet shy girl he met at the hospital?

Hinata finally emerged with what appeared to be a dildo-shaped taser; that gave off small electrical sparks as it rotated at a ridiculous speed.

"It's called the 'Space Invader'." Hinata supplied helpfully. "You don't want to know the amount of batteries this thing will eat through!"

As Hinata prepared to sit on the bed and lean towards him; Naruto finally succeeded in spitting out the sock.

"**Verbally flying kites! Vermin infested murals! Vilifying elderly matches!** Please just let me go! I ain't done nothing but good, I swear to Kami-sama, I ain't done nothing but go-od!" Naruto was prepared to start sobbing if he needed to; as Hinata looked at him askance.

"Naruto, are you trying to say the safety-word?" Naruto nodded energetically, giving her his best pleading expression. "Well damn…"

Hinata put down the toy and opened Naruto's cuffs. Naruto sighed in relief as he sat up, rubbed his wrists and tried to rid his mouth of the taste of sock. Hinata looked at him a little sadly.

"I was so hoping you'd be into this."

"I really think you should have asked first, but sorry S&M play is a bit too far out of left field for me. I would never have figured you for the type…at all Hinata."

"Well, I've been in assertiveness therapy for a while now. My counsellor, Kakashi-sensei, suggested experimenting sexually and…"

"Wait, Kakashi? Tall guy with silver hair, only ever shows one eye?"

"Yeah, you know him?"

"He was my high school literature teacher. We only ever read one series: Come-come Paradise, Come-come Violence, Come-come Tactics, Come-come come-come."

"Yeah, same thing in therapy. Anyway, I discovered this and found that I liked it. Now I can't ever achieve- you know- without some bondage play."

"I don't think I could ever achieve- you know- with it!" Hinata sighed and looked at Naruto forlornly.

"It's not going to work out, is it?" Naruto sighed and shook his head- _not on this or any other planet! _"I hate this, it always happens. I really liked you Naruto."

Naruto was about to respond, when he and Hinata were distracted by the sound of someone grunting and clambering up the window. The next second, a scratched up and scruffy young man came tumbling through.

"Kiba-kun!!" Naruto hurriedly grabbed the sheets to cover himself as he stared in shock at Kiba.

"What the hell man, what the hell?" Kiba ignored Naruto's shocked outburst as got to his feet and went over to Hinata.

"Hinata, I can't stand idly by and let you do this anymore. You shouldn't be with him! You should be with me!"

Naruto's eyebrow twitched at yet another sudden, extremely weird, turn of events. He quietly got dressed as he observed the odd interchange.

"But Kiba-kun, I always thought you just looked at me as a sister!"

"Trust me, I have a sister! If I ever caught myself thinking about her the way I think about you, I'll commit seppuku!"

"But then, you know about my kink, right?" Hinata looked at him uncertainly as Kiba grinned.

"I think it's one of the hottest things ever. I'll do anything you want, as long as you call me a bad dog… and other dog-related epithets."

"Oh Kiba-kun, you know I will, bitch!"

"OooOOoookay! I'll be going now! You two enjoy your evening, you make a lovely couple and I'll see myself out, bye!" Naruto didn't even wait for a reply as he sped out of the room and escaped into the chilly night.

Maybe he should have been depressed by what just happened. For some reason though, Naruto couldn't help but feel like one of the luckiest men on the planet.

* * *

**A/N:** I guess that was the 'get-rid-of-Hinata' chapter. So for those of you who were getting worried, I've pawned her freaky ass unto Kiba. I tried to find the worst/best song to interrupt a gay confession. I think I found it. I love the Bloodhound Gang, their music is insane! I'm not completely evil and I wouldn't torture sweet Sasu-chan indefinitely. There is a reason I've had things going the way they have, in regards to both Sasuke's and Naruto's actions. So I've been writing their behaviours and responses with that in mind. It will all make sense when we get to it. That is, if you guys give me the okay to continue. So Chapter 6? I am amazed that I ever thought this was a one-shot! Thanks for reading and I hoped you enjoyed. 


	6. The Epiphany

**A/N:** **Love** **meh**, for I have posted quickly!! (Crickets chirp) (Cough)… or not! To get me to do this chapter, I have been bribed with muffins, promised a cookie factory and hypnotized with the Sharingan! But worst method of all- the most effective coercion used- I was threatened… with fangirls!! I am happy that the story has held your interest for so long. As usual, at the end of the chapter, you tell me if I should do a chapter seven. As it is, read and enjoy! All comments are welcome.

My mood music: 'Dare you to move'- Switchfoot (also the theme song for the second half of this chapter, listen to it! (puppy eyes))

* * *

Sasuke was trying hard to control the twitching of his lips, but he was failing miserably. On the floor to his left, Sakura was rolling about, shrieking with laughter. Naruto was glaring up a storm and Sasuke attempted to summon a sad memory. When that failed, he tried to remember that he was a Uchiha; and as a rule, Uchihas do not laugh uncontrollably. A minute later he exploded in laughter and Naruto, out of fairness, glared at him just as hard as he was glaring at Sakura. 

"Well I don't see what's so funny. If some pervert tried to scar you for life, mentally and physically, _**I**_ wouldn't laugh…"

Sakura tried to speak, still unable to suppress her giggles. "Since she didn't keep you in bondage, does that- does that mean you got time off for good behaviour?"

Sasuke doubled over, almost choking as Naruto got up stiffly and attempted to leave. However, he'd have to step over Sakura to do it, and the woman simply grabbed his ankles and tripped him. Before Naruto could protest, she pounced and started to glomp him mercilessly.

"Whatever! You know it's funneh! It's funneh, it's funneh!!" Sakura tickled him as she chanted, and after a failed attempt at more glaring, Naruto finally started laughing.

Sakura at last let him go, but Naruto chose to stay on the floor, leaning against a chair. Snickering sheepishly, he rubbed the back of his head as he admitted to the humour of the situation.

"Man, I was never more freaked in my life. That one came straight out of left field. I mean, sweet Hinata- a dominatrix? Damn, I know how to pick them. But if it's one thing this whole mess has taught me- it's that the dating world is crazier than ever. I need to get what you have with Lee, Sakura-chan. I'm twenty-six years old, I need to find a nice normal girl, settle down and stay the hell away from the single life!"

"Normal is overrated…" Sasuke muttered.

"And so are girls…" This statement from Sakura drew an incredulous look from Naruto, and an urge to kick her right in the backside from Sasuke. "What, we are! Are you saying that if everything you wanted in a partner was present in a guy, you wouldn't consider it?"

Naruto seemed surprised at the sudden vehemence on Sakura's part. What was it with his friends attacking him over all this gay-pride stuff? It's like they all agreed to meet over the rainbow or something. Before he could make a statement, Sakura ploughed on.

"I mean, that would be pretty narrow-minded, if you are going to cut off half the population without giving them a fair chance. The person of your dreams could be the guy right in front of you…"

Because Sasuke was directly in front of him, Naruto glanced over at him reflexively. Sasuke knew the moment Naruto's gaze landed on him, from the frisson of nervous energy that ran up his spine. Thankfully, he had been staring at Sakura during her soapbox speech and was spared the awkward eye-lock with the blonde.

"…you would reject him, just like that? That would be so sad and unfair! And when bigots like you end up alone you…"

"WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!!! Sakura-chan, will you chill out a minute? I never said that I wouldn't consider being with a guy!"

That stopped Sakura mid-rant and instantly two pairs of eyes were glued to Naruto, stunned into silence.

"Y-you mean, you would?" Sakura was the only other person capable of speech at that moment.

"Yeah, I guess. I don't have a problem either way. I guess I just always assumed that I'd end up with a girl, that's all. But you know, now that I think about it, all the major romantic stuff always seems to happen with guys. There was my first kiss…"

Naruto waggled his eyebrows suggestively at Sasuke, who snorted at the memory. Naruto then adopted his 'fox' look, leaned back and stared at the ceiling as he continued musing.

"…the first person who ever admitted to having a crush on me- was a guy. I really need to call Sai- that pervert, and see how he's doing." Sasuke rolled his eyes as Naruto took his trip down gay memory lane.

"I guess I had some hard-to-define 'moments' with Gaara. And then there was Neji, yeah definitely Neji."

Until that moment, Sasuke had been wryly wondering to himself- how he could have ever doubted Naruto's openness to a relationship with a guy; but then the mention of a name he had never heard before, hit him.

"Neji? Who's Neji?"

Neji had been hiding out from his relatives and his Hyuuga heritage when Naruto knew him. He had hidden his identity as a part of the famous clan, by wearing coloured contact lenses the entire time he was in school. To this day, Naruto had no clue that Neji was a Hyuuga.

He and Naruto had met in college and hated each other instantly. Neji thought that Naruto was obnoxious, loud, brash and far too overconfident. Naruto believed that Neji was a condescending whiner, who had an icicle shoved up his butt equal in size to the one lodged in Sasuke's. Innumerable exchanged insults, two fistfights and a heated, heartfelt argument about fate later, they were kissing in the rain under a huge cherry tree in the park. Neji had been a senior when Naruto had started college, and as soon as their fledging romance had started; it had ended. Neji had graduated and lost touch with Naruto, being overwhelmed with the very responsibilities he had been trying to run away from.

"How come this is the first I'm hearing about this?" Sasuke was unsure which stung more: the idea that Naruto had been that close to another man, or the fact he never told him about it. "You never said anything about this Neji."

It was hard to keep the bitterness from his voice. Naruto continued staring at the ceiling, eyes hidden behind a squint and long golden bangs. He responded at length, still not looking at Sasuke.

"Tsk, it happened while you were off finding yourself. I just figured you wouldn't be interested."

Sakura fidgeted nervously as the tension in the room skyrocketed. She looked over at Sasuke to see that the man had paled slightly, before a faint guilty flush spread over his face.

* * *

Puberty had hit Sasuke like a runaway Mack truck. His nicely ordered teenage world had become infused with a rush of hormones and primal urges. It would have been terrifying, had he not gotten an 'A' in biology and had known what was coming. 

As with all things, Sasuke assessed and handled this new phase of his development with icy cool efficiency and logic. So when his first Naruto-centric fantasy reared its horny head, he had not been disconcerted by it. Sasuke had reasoned it out and came to a satisfactory conclusion.

Naruto was his best friend; they spent a lot of time together and knew each other completely. Due to Naruto's ignorance and lack of respect for personal space plus their mutual love of martial arts- they also had a very physical relationship.

Obviously somewhere deep in his subconscious mind, all that information had gotten a little confused and produced Naruto as a different kind of partner and equal. Hence, the fantasies- fantasies that Sasuke didn't mind, since they gave him a level of satisfaction and pleasure he had never thought possible.

When Sasuke realized that almost every fantasy he had contained Naruto in some way, shape, form and position- he was forced to admit that his subconscious mind may have been going a little overboard. He had made deliberate efforts to think about other people, girls he found sexy or at least, didn't drive him up a wall.

He'd imagine having sex with some teen goddess, all long legs and red hair. No, not red- blonde. Yeah she was a blonde, her green eyes bright as she moaned his name. Che, Sasuke wasn't that fond of green eyes- blue ones were better- sky-blue eyes, large in beautiful face framed with golden hair, scarred cheeks that begged to be touched and a deep voice that sent shockwaves through his body. Sasuke would be at release by the time he realized that his fantasy girl, wasn't a girl at all.

Okay, so he was attracted to Naruto. Alright- very attracted. But that wasn't a big deal, since it was only his body and that could be controlled. He kept the knowledge from Naruto, whose own hormonal phase had him chasing Sakura and any other willing female around like a dog that had just discovered its tail. The blond would only have freaked out and started distancing himself if he knew. Sasuke treasured their friendship and would do anything to preserve it. Besides, it was just hormones and physical attraction- it wasn't as if it was love.

Revelation had struck Sasuke hard, leaving him breathless and gasping as if someone had punched him in the stomach.

It had been Naruto's seventeenth birthday, one that went unheeded and uncelebrated as no one cared to know or remember. Iruka had been sent to a teachers' conference in a neighbouring village and Tsunade was at a medical convention. Sasuke, being Sasuke, couldn't make the big deal he would have wanted to make over Naruto's birthday. He had instead, pretended to have completely forgotten, and when shyly reminded, expressed cool congratulations.

In the evening, they had sat on the roof of Sasuke's mansion, staring into the night sky as stars started appear and twinkle. Sasuke's parents were out socializing, as usual; and Sasuke had swiped some sake, figuring it was as good a way as any to celebrate another year.

Naruto, for his part was trying to reason away his depression. Why he was feeling so sad, he couldn't figure out. He had lots of great things going for him. He had a collection of awesome parental figures: Iruka, Tsunade and Ero-sennin… Sure, they weren't his parents and they had their own lives. Plus there was always that clear line of demarcation that reminded Naruto that he was not really theirs, nor were they his- but still, they didn't have to give a shit about him, so he should be grateful.

He had a lot of friends, who acknowledged him and cared, in their own way. They probably didn't expect much of him, and the lingering prejudice of him being a loser and a hyperactive moron may surface ever so often, but that was his own fault. They all believed he was strong, as evidenced by the harsh words and insults that came occasionally from his friends, and even more frequently from those who weren't. They said them, only because they expected him to shrug it off, bounce back and give as good as he got, smiling that stupid toothy grin of his.

He was strong, he was great; those words and petty actions shouldn't have stung so much, and it always annoyed him when they did. But best off all, he had a best friend, someone to sit and stare at the night sky with, as the alcohol in his system hastened his depression. Sure, Sasuke wasn't the warmest of people, and a lot of times he made Naruto feel that he was merely being tolerated, that he would be dumped if something better came along. Sasuke's insults could be sharper and deeper than anything anyone else could come up with; his actions could be impersonal, cold and cutting, but that was just Sasuke; it came with the territory.

Sasuke was sitting right there beside him, so why did he feel so alone? He had all these wonderful people in his life that could easily not have been there, so why did he feel like crying? Downing another small cup of sake, he turned and gave Sasuke a wobbly grin.

"Well, here's to another year, in another three, drinking this stuff will finally be legal!"

Sasuke frowned a little at the tipsy boy prattling on beside him. Naruto's grin looked forced and brittle and his eyes were glassy with unshed tears. Sasuke realized that it must be painful to have such an important day go without mention. But Naruto was used to people not acknowledging him, when you are an orphan; people tend to gloss over you. But Naruto was always strong; he could always cheer himself up. He didn't need someone to make him feel good. Maybe the alcohol was a bad idea.

"…and maybe-maybe Sakura-chan will get me something awesome next year, like the cologne she got- she got you. Tsk, wouldn't matter though. When all else fails, at least I got you, at least we got each other…"

Sasuke's response was automatic and not thought out. Naruto was looking at him with soft unfocused eyes, desperate for a little reassurance, but the meaning had not reached Sasuke in time.

"Moron, who would want you?" Sasuke watched in dismay and confusion as Naruto's eyes shimmered and a few tears leaked out.

Naruto wiped them roughly away before grinning broadly and turning back to stare at the sky.

"Teme, you are so cold!" Naruto had meant it to come out teasingly, but his voice hitched and he took refuge in another round of sake.

Sasuke felt like dirt, realizing just how sad Naruto was at the moment…probably how sad he was most of the time. He wanted to reach out and hug him close, tell him comforting and uplifting things. He wanted to apologize was being a bastard and kiss the tears he knew Naruto was hiding, away forever. He wanted to tell him that he loved him and that…

Sasuke's mind went dangerously still. The truth of the thought nearly doing him in, right then and there. Naruto was saying something else, but Sasuke couldn't hear him, a large buzzing noise filling his head. He couldn't, he wasn't, but he could and he was.

Uchiha Sasuke was in love.

Sasuke didn't handle the realization very well. Outwardly, nothing changed and no one could have picked up the battle raging inside him over the following weeks. Watching his parents' farce of a marriage, he had vowed long ago that he would never get trapped by that insidious emotion. His mother loved his father, and it made her a sort of slave, tied to someone who didn't deserve her.

He saw the stupidity and futility of love everyday, and was completely inoculated against it, well so he believed. Even his parents had warned him against it, encouraging him to strive for perfection and compatibility in a partner, over attraction and romance.

When it was time for college applications, Sasuke had applied to the same colleges as Naruto, just as a show. When his acceptance to some prestigious university in England came through: he had packed his bags, instructed his parents not to inform any of his friends as to his whereabouts, and taken off without a word of goodbye to anyone, including Naruto. His father applauded the decision, believing the friends Sasuke had been keeping were beneath him and retarding his progress.

The only link that Sasuke allowed himself to keep to his past was via emails, refusing to go home, even for holidays. He would read the messages, but never respond. Naruto eventually filled his mailbox. Emails that ranged from fury, to pleading encapsulating the understandable confusion at his friend's actions. Every single one caused pain to rip through Sasuke's chest, until he decided to cut that final tie and added Naruto to his junk-mail list.

It had been two years since he'd seen Naruto anywhere but in his dreams and fantasies. So when Sasuke had spotted the bright blonde hair and orange jacket, standing out like sore thumbs on the plush green lawns of his school, his knees had almost failed him. There stood Naruto, in all his glory, attacking some random person for information.

As if on instinct, Naruto had paused and turned. Obsidian locked with sapphire and Sasuke's world tilted dangerously. Naruto was moving towards him, no hesitation, no anger; forgiveness already assured the very day Sasuke had left. It took Sasuke a moment to realize that Naruto had a human shadow- that Lee, of all people, was with him. Sasuke didn't try to make sense of that, he was fighting the urge to turn tail and run. His heart was pounding so loudly, he thought it would burst; his world becoming nothing but a heady swirl of blues and oranges.

Kami-sama, nothing had changed. Two fucking years of self-isolation and he was ready to fall at the idiot's feet and worship.

In another heartbeat, Naruto would be on him, hugging and swearing at him- dragging him into that heavenly hell he swore he'd never get trapped in. So before Naruto could jump him, Sasuke took a smooth step to the side, almost causing Naruto to pitch forward and fall flat on his face due to his momentum. Luckily, Lee was right behind, and a skilled hand shot out and dragged Naruto back by the collar, keeping him upright.

Naruto blinked at the empty space in front of him, and quickly realized that Sasuke had moved to the right of him. Undeterred, he turned to envelope Sasuke again, all joy and teeth.

"Sasuke-teme, you…"

"What the hell are you doing here?" Naruto paused and blinked at the thinly veiled hostility in Sasuke's voice. The tone belied the icy assessing gaze of the obsidian eyes.

"What do you mean, I'm here to see you, bastard. I finally got your mom to tell me. She said you were out finding yourself, seeking your own truth or some shit like that. I wanted to…"

"Whatever, I'm not particularly interested. Just go home." Lee fidgeted as Naruto gaped at the pale boy in front of them. He had known this reunion Naruto had been bent on, would not go smoothly. He was, however, appalled at Sasuke's behaviour. He had thought maybe, he had had time to…

"I'm not going home yet! I flew all the way from Japan just to see you, you prick!"

Naruto's arms flailed wildly and the people around them started to take interest in the exchange of rapid-fire Japanese and animated movements of the orange-clad young man.

"That's too damn bad for you isn't it? I don't want you here. Did it occur to you that there was a reason I didn't say where I was going?"

Naruto stopped flailing and stared at him. "I knew something was wrong, Sasuke. That's why I wanted to see you so badly. Whatever it is, I can help you work it out. You're my best friend and…"

"Look, I don't need or want you and your damned friendship. Just take a hint and leave already!"

Anger flared quickly in Naruto and his hands shot out to roughly grab Sasuke's lapels. "Teme, what did you say?!"

Anger, fuelled by fear of what he may confess and exasperation, burned just as hot in Sasuke.

"Damn you, for the last time, I don't want to see you! Why can't you just take a hint? Why do you have to force yourself into places you aren't wanted? And you wonder why everyone has to go to such extremes just to escape you!"

It had been the wrong thing to say, the worst thing- but also the most effective. Sasuke would have given his right eye to take it back, but it was too late, and the damage was complete. Sasuke forced himself to stay quiet as Naruto's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. The blonde released him as if he was on fire and backed away, looking unseeingly about him.

Sasuke smoothed out the front of his jacket, an unhurried, nonchalant movement that spoke nothing of his burning mind and breaking heart. He was losing his best friend, all because he was too stupid and too weak to stop himself from falling in love with him.

Lee spoke for the first time, extremely agitated by what he had just seen unfold. "Naruto-kun…"

He was stopped when the blonde turned to him, an over-bright smile contrasting terribly with pained eyes.

"Lee, we should go sight-seeing! Iruka-sensei gave me a list of places we can go. Plus we need to shop for Sakura-chan and baa-chan and everybody else! We should get going now!"

Lee was silent for a minute, before nodding. "Of course Naruto-kun. But first, I have my own greetings to extend to Sasuke-kun. I'll be with you shortly."

Naruto hesitated, not knowing if he should leave Lee and Sasuke alone, but knowing he couldn't stand there a moment more. He nodded and then looked back at Sasuke. He wavered even more, his mouth opening and closing even as his throat tightened.

"I guess…I guess I'll see you around then…or not." Naruto abruptly turned and started walking away. He made it to about one hundred feet away before he broke into a run.

Sasuke instinctively moved to chase him before a hand, pressed firmly into his chest, stopped him.

"No, as unsteady and confused as you are, you may only end up hurting him more." Sasuke frowned as he brushed Lee's hand away, but made no other move to pass him. He stayed silent as Lee continued speaking.

"Sasuke-kun, things are not as complicated as you make them out to be. All this difficulty, all this drama…it is of your own creation."

"I don't know who the hell you think you're talking…"

"It is rude to interrupt Sasuke-kun. I am trying to tell you love is not a weakness or an imperfection to be fixed or gotten rid off. To be able to feel and give love is one of the greatest experiences a person can have. It is a blessing that should be felt and explored with all the power and energy one possesses. It should never be regretted...even if it is not returned." An image of Sakura floated before Lee as he spoke, but he forcefully turned his attention back to Sasuke.

"…I hope you have this epiphany you are searching for, Sasuke. And I hope when you find the truth you seek, that even then, it is not too late. Time and love are things that wait for no man." And with that, Lee turned and went off to find and comfort his friend.

Later, Sasuke had gone back to his room and demolished it, before breaking down and crying for the first time since he was a small child. But still, it was another three months before his epiphany hit him and another month after that before he booked a flight back home.

He was a nervous wreck on the flight back, wondering if his relationship with Naruto was gone forever, wondering how he was going to get the boy to even speak to him. After clearing customs, he headed out into the waiting area, looking for the limo driver that his father would have sent.

There was no limo driver. Instead an entity constructed of apparently nothing but long limbs and blonde hair, lay sprawled across the chairs provided for those awaiting arrivals. Its head was thrown back, eyes closed, snoring softly- sleeping the sleep of the innocent. Sasuke froze, rooted to the spot- all thought, energy and hope for movement abandoning him.

Some girls, giggling at the cute, sleeping blonde, woke him. Naruto looked about suspiciously, rubbing his face before his eyes fell on the immobile, gaping Sasuke. He paused briefly before standing up and striding over to him. Coming to a stop before the stupefied dark-haired man, Naruto squinted and locked his hands behind his head, apparently assessing Sasuke. Sasuke didn't dare say anything; he couldn't even if he wanted to in any event.

"So… what have you learnt?" The strangely sincere question stirred Sasuke into speech.

"I learnt…that there's simply no escaping it." And even if there was a way, Sasuke really don't want to escape… not anymore.

Naruto huffed before reaching out and talking one of Sasuke's bags. He didn't ask what 'it' was, and for a moment Sasuke fancied the blonde knew exactly what he was talking about.

"Che, idiot…I could have told you that."

He turned and headed off towards the exit, leaving Sasuke to try and coax his body into moving. Sasuke looked up to see Sakura, standing a little way off silently crying like an idiot. Lee stood beside her, balancing coffee cups, smiling at apparently nothing. Naruto yelled out to them.

"Oi Geji-mayo, Sakura-chan! The bastard's flight finally came in. Come on, we're going home!"

* * *

It had been weeks now since Sasuke had been moping about, being a general pain in Naruto's ass. Every so often, Sasuke would sink into this angst-filled, tall-pale-and-brooding bit that ticked off Naruto and had the fangirls swooning. Sasuke had been in this mood, ever since he learnt about Neji, not that Naruto connected it to that. When he got into this phase, it was always up to the blonde to get him out of it. Whether by joking coercion or beating him out of it. 

What it was about rolling about on the ground with him that cheered Sasuke up, Naruto could never understand. But it was the easiest and most effective method, and Naruto didn't hesitate to use it.

This particular phase was the worst one Naruto had ever seen, and it annoyed him to no end. Sasuke was making it an art of ignoring him, and then pretending that he wasn't ignoring him. All responses from Sasuke were nothing but monosyllabic grunts and snorts, and the bastard wouldn't even condescend to look at him. It was particularly aggravating to Naruto, because he could see no reason for these dramatic mood swings.

Sasuke's life, in his estimation, was damn near perfect.

"Oi, teme, oi, Sasuke!" Naruto was sitting on Sasuke's couch, watching the man ignore him. At the moment, he wasn't even answering, seemingly content to pretend the blonde wasn't even there.

Reaching the end of his rope, Naruto picked up the closest thing to him and threw it with deadly accuracy at the gloomy bastard. It was Sasuke's keen reflexes that saved him from getting beaned with the heavy universal remote. This only served to piss Naruto off more. Not because he didn't behead Sasuke, but because it was obvious that the other man was very in tune to him, and was purposely ignoring him.

"What the hell's the matter with you?!" Sasuke yelled at him, tossing back the remote.

"What the hell's the matter with me? What the hell's the matter with you? You've been walking around with a rain cloud over you for the past few weeks and its interfering with the TV reception!" Sasuke had been on his feet, stomping off towards the kitchen. Naruto's enraged voice had him pivoting back to face him.

"Some people have problems. Some people have things going on upstairs that don't involve ramen, leather-clad bimbos and tonguing college seniors!"

"You are making no sense, but it's obvious that whatever you're on, it's highly illegal."

"Shut up you stereotypical blond moron!"

"What did you call me, you emo-asshole?!"

"I called you a moron, dobe! Want me to define it?"

"TEME!!"

"USURATONKACHI!!"

As repetitive as this argument appeared, something about it was unique. It had to be, because at Sasuke's last overused insult, Naruto found that instead of ranting as he usually did, he was moving.

Sasuke had no time to react before a blonde blur slammed into him, in a perfect football tackle. All breath left him as he hit the ground with a painful grunt. Recovering his wits, he aimed a hard punch into Naruto's ribs. He was rewarded with a pained hiss for his efforts. Moving quickly, Naruto straddled him and jerked him up roughly by his collar. The fist that was about to smash into Sasuke's face paused stopped short at his nose as Naruto struggled to regain his composure.

"What the hell's the matter with you, huh? What did I do? What do you want from me?!" Naruto was panting hard, the fist still wavering in front of Sasuke's nose.

"What do YOU want from ME?" Sasuke asked while slumping, tired and defeated.

"I want you to tell me the truth…"

"You want the truth? You want the truth; you can't handle the… argh!!" He yelled in frustration as he realized he was about to start quoting clichéd movie lines. This was what he was reduced to. The situation didn't amuse Naruto either.

"Sasuke…"

"You want to know what's wrong with me? Fine! First of all, your fist is in my face…" Sasuke punctuated his argument by knocking Naruto's fist away. It had been there the entire time, as if Naruto was still contemplating breaking his friend's nose.

"…secondly, I have gravity-defying hair that won't go into any other style but this one, and you always make fun of it!'

Well…it was a stupid duck-butt hairdo.

"…I have a brother who wears nail polish, an asshole for a father and crazy women who keep stalking me! My best friend…" Sasuke was warming up in his tirade now. Years filled with rollercoaster rides of love, hope, lust, frustration and heartbreak- with this perfect, gorgeous blonde idiot marching blissfully unaware beside him the entire time- worked through him like fresh yeast in dough. "…my best friend is the patron saint of completely oblivious, unwittingly sadistic, blonde morons."

Sasuke sighed, feeling so tired and drained, it seemed inhuman. He was even too tired to hesitate as he finished his spiel.

"And that means that I, Uchiha Sasuke, am in love with a saint."

Naruto face expressed varying emotions from amusement to exasperation as Sasuke spoke. But his friend's last statement had him doing a double take. He was confused…it sounded as if Sasuke was saying something unbelievable. Maybe he had missed part of the tirade.

"What? Who…what did you…what are you saying?" Sasuke rolled his eyes, and sighed at his unfortunate lot in life.

"I'm saying I'm in love with you, you moron." Sasuke stared up into the bluest, brightest eyes he'd ever known and softened. But just so there was no mistake…

"Uzumaki Naruto, I love you."

* * *

**A/N: Love meh, for **I have made him confess!! \O/  
That was the manliest confession I could pull off. First a fistfight, then the confession. This is THE longest chapter I have EVER written, weighing in at an unbelievable 5000+ words!! I didn't know I had it in me. Considering this was supposed to be a one-shot, freaking outrageous man! I wanted to give you an understanding into the dynamics involved in Naruto and Sasuke's relationship. Hence, this wasn't a very humorous chapter, though a little humour may have leaked in here and there. If I continue, angst may rear its dark head again, so expect that if you want more! But now you can appreciate why Sasuke wasn't bent on confessing his feelings to Naruto. First, because he didn't want to be in love; and then because he didn't think he deserved to and probably feared a crushing rejection. 

Now you have two options I guess: You can say 'Yay, Sasu-chan confessed and everything is all smexy from there' or you can order me to do chapter 7. Speaking of smexy, I haven't given you a lemon yet, have I? My bad, my bad… But like I said, I write each chapter to be an ending in itself and I think I have managed to do, that especially for this chapter.

I really hoped you liked this post though; and I hope you aren't too upset that it wasn't funny. -.-; Any thoughts, comments and critiques are welcome. Thanks so much for reading!


	7. The Response

**A/N:** **Love** **meh**, for it is another fast post and another chapter! Why am I so industrious? Because I have more pressing matters to attend to and I'm trying desperately to ignore them! Anywho, chapter seven is up, and let's see what happens! As usual, read and enjoy…

* * *

"And that means that I, Uchiha Sasuke, am in love with a saint." 

Naruto face expressed varying emotions from amusement to exasperation as Sasuke spoke. But his friend's last statement had him doing a double take. He was confused, it sounded as if Sasuke was saying something unbelievable. Maybe he had missed part of the tirade.

"What? Who-what did you- what are you saying?" Sasuke rolled his eyes, and sighed at his unfortunate lot in life.

"I'm saying I'm in love with you, you moron." Sasuke stared up into the bluest, brightest eyes he'd ever known and softened. But just so there was no mistake.

"Uzumaki Naruto, I love you."

Naruto stared at Sasuke as if he'd grown a second head. Another moment of stunned silence passed, before Naruto snorted and got off him. The man extended a hand to Sasuke and dragged him up.

"Teme, you say the dumbest shit to avoid a beating." Naruto squinted and locked his arms behind his head, regarding Sasuke with a mixture of exasperation and amusement. "One of these days, you are going to say something that gets you in real trouble."

Sasuke saw the statement for what it was, he was being offered a way out of his confession. He was being offered a chance to escape, before things were forced to change for ever. Well, Naruto could take that offer and shove it.

"Naruto" The serious tone of Sasuke's voice had Naruto panicking. He butted in quickly before Sasuke had a chance to continue.

"I mean, you're joking right? You're kidding! You weren't serious…"

"As if I'm someone who could joke about something like that." Sasuke spoke softly, watching the blond flail and sputter before him.

"I know I'm your best friend, but you don't love me! Not like that anyway. I mean, heh, you barely LIKE me!"

"Yeah?" Sasuke inquired with a lift of his brow.

"Well, yeah! I mean you…"

The rest of Naruto's statement was cut off by lips covering his, and effectively silencing him. Sasuke cradled Naruto's head, brushing his lips back and forth across Naruto's. A minute or so elapsed, and while Naruto hadn't pushed him away, he certainly hadn't him granted further access either. Sasuke smirked against his friend's pursed lips.

"Those fangirls of yours were lying, Naruto. You can't kiss worth shit!" Naruto's livid response to his greatness being challenged was a reflex. Before he had thought it out, he opened his mouth to let Sasuke have it. It didn't go quite as planned.

The moment his lips parted, Sasuke took advantage, plunging his tongue in and taking what had been inadvertently offered. Naruto's back went ramrod straight as Sasuke's tongue touched his; but Sasuke was undeterred. He continued to brush his tongue against Naruto's, hoping to Kami-sama the other man didn't decide to bite down. It would be a hell of an ironic way to die.

Sasuke felt Naruto's previously immobile arms move, and braced himself to be shoved roughly away. Instead, he felt them pressing into his back, pulling him closer. His heart started to pound louder as one of them moved up slowly, stopping to rest at the nape of his neck. The kiss deepened as Naruto's participation becoming less timid and more commanding.

Sasuke felt himself being slowly moved, until his back connected with the nearest wall. The voraciousness of the kiss increased, a latent hunger being awakened and explored. Naruto gripped Sasuke's hair to keep his head steady as he alternated between sucking on the other man's tongue to gnawing on his lips. Sasuke panted and shifted his hands to grip the front of Naruto's shirt as the dimensions of his world disappeared. He couldn't feel the floor, he had no idea were the ceiling or the walls were. If he let go of Naruto, he had no idea whether he'd end up sinking or flying. The last coherent thought he had was how funny it was that the person he was depending on for balance, was the very one who was destroying it.

Sasuke couldn't remember the fantasies he had been having until now, but he knew they couldn't hold a candle to this. Naruto pressed his body's impossibly closer to his, and molten lava erupted and coursed through his veins. They were both panting with the exertion of it all as Naruto tightened his grip on Sasuke's hair, plunging his tongue into Sasuke's mouth repeatedly in promise of a more intimate, fulfilling act.

The burning in Sasuke's body reached a fever pitch, and fire pooled in his gut and then rose to his chest. The burning expanded and his lungs felt as if they would burst. It dawned on Sasuke that it was probably a vital need for oxygen that was causing the latter sensation. He wasn't about to stop for oxygen, or anything like oxygen. He didn't need air- air, he declared, was for pussies. What he needed was this- the feel of Naruto hardening and pulsing against him. Naruto moaned and thrust against him and Sasuke's head almost imploded. He wasn't going to stop even if he passed out. Oxygen be damned.

Fortunately for Sasuke and his air deprivation issues, Naruto broke the kiss to lick the area beneath his ear. Sasuke moaned and shuddered, sweat breaking out all over his body. Every time he tried to gulp in some air, Naruto's teeth would graze a sensitive spot and he'd end up panting even harder. His entire body was on high alert and every nerve tingled. Every sense was being mercilessly assaulted: his vision was filled with bright yellow hair that felt like silk; there was the smell of citrus and sweat that only made him harder. He could hear Naruto's harsh breathing as the man bit and sucked on his ear and neck. But what he wanted now more that ever, was to taste Naruto again. He wanted to slide his tongue down, licking at the man's throat, run it down his chest and then fill his mouth as Naruto moaned and twisted under him.

He wanted to mark Naruto in the same way the man was marking him now. Sucking and bruising, biting and licking, effectively ruining him for anyone and anything else. There were the sounds of guttural moaning, gasping and sighing; and it took Sasuke another moment to realize he was the one making the most of them- Naruto intent on shattering Sasuke's mind. The blonde shifted slightly and placed a hand over Sasuke's clothed erection. He pressed and rubbed, varying the speed and amount of pressure. Sasuke yelled and thrust into Naruto's palm, trying to say his name, but only managing a few disjointed syllables.

Sasuke felt Naruto's hot breath blowing over his neck and along his lips. He found himself clawing desperately at Naruto's shirt, slipping under the material to run his hands up the blonde's taut stomach to feel the small hardened nipples.

Naruto moaned and supplied more speed and pressure during the erotic massage. Sasuke could feel the tension in his body stretch to almost breaking point.

"Na-Naruto…"

Any other words were cut off by Naruto's mouth descending on his for an eating frantic kiss. Naruto trailed his hands down Sasuke's thighs and abruptly hoisted the man up a little, allowing the man to lock his legs around his waist. They both grunted as Naruto ground hard against Sasuke and the blonde started thrusting. The jerky movements drew a shout from Sasuke who started bucking in response to this new stimulus.

It was too much for Sasuke and yet it wasn't enough. It wouldn't be enough until they were naked and sliding against each other with nothing but heat and sweat between them and the whole thing was consummate. But there wasn't time, because Naruto was thrusting and moaning his name and he simply had to explode. Tremors racked Sasuke's body as he screamed Naruto's name. Naruto body's crushed into his as Naruto found his release. They stayed for a moment, panting hard, Sasuke's sliding slowly down Naruto's body, to rest on shaky legs; thankfully supported by the wall. Slowly, sanity returned.

"Naruto…"

Naruto stiffened at the sound of his name. _Kami-sama, what did he just do!_ Naruto clumsily backed away, and Sasuke's heart sank at Naruto's expression. His friend had the perfectly panicked look or a deer caught in some headlights.

"Naruto, I…"

"I have to go…I mean… I…" Naruto ended his sputtering by simply turning and leaving- almost breaking into a flat run.

Sasuke, for his part, gave into the weakness in his legs and sank to the floor.

* * *

Naruto wasn't answering any of his phone calls, and Sasuke fought the urge to go over to the blonde's house and make a scene at his front door. To do that would be simply counterproductive. It had been four hours since Sasuke's confession and their little rendezvous and the moron was hiding from him. 

Sasuke, getting anxious and desperate, picked up the phone to dial again.

---

Sakura was showing off her skills as a tightrope walker as she traversed the expanse of Lee's back. He moaned and sighed as she paced, giggling a little as she tried not to slip off. It was the most effective massage for Lee, whenever he came home tired and sore from the Mighty Rock. She looked down to see him nodding off.

"Oi, what kind of a client are you? After a massage like this, you're supposed to ask for a happy ending!" She punctuated her argument, by sticking a toe between Lee's shoulder blades. He only shuddered a little, muttered something that's sounded like 'I'll take two please…' and fell asleep.

"Tsk, meanie!" Sakura stuck out a tongue at the back of Lee's head, and gingerly stepped of his back. Her phone rang the minute her feet hit the floor; and she rushed to pick it up before it woke her husband. "Hello?"

---

Using speed that defied all laws of traffic and physics- Sakura was standing in Sasuke's living room before he could hang up the phone properly.

"YOU DID WHAT?!" Sakura was gaping at the dark-haired man as if he'd committed a murder.

"Why are you screaming at **ME**?!! **HE'S** the one that ran out of here! **YOU** were the one who kept saying 'tell him how you feel, tell him how you feel', so I did! So again I ask, why are you yelling at **me**?!"

"Yes Sasuke-kun, 'tell him how you feel'. Not 'metaphorically club him over the head, and then try to drag him back to your cave by his hair!!'"

"WHAT?! I kissed him! That's all! And trust me, he was hardly screaming rape! I wasn't the one trying to grind him into a wall; and he isn't the one sporting a hickey the size of our old training ground!" Sasuke shoved his hands in his pockets and tossed his head, fuming loudly.

Sakura flushed at the graphic imagery, while inner Sakura had a classic yaoi fangirl moment (nosebleed, double thumbs up, 'okay!!'). Outer Sakura schooled her tone. Sasuke had done an amazing and difficult thing. He had opened up and confessed is feelings to Naruto. If she made a big negative deal out of this, he may close himself off again. Freaking social deviant…

"You're right, you're right Sasuke-kun. Naruto's just a little overwhelmed right now. I'll go talk to him, you just relax, things will work out. You'll see!"

Naruto stared with deep suspicion at his door as the bell rang continuously. He was stirred into movement at the familiar voice that rang out.

"Naruto, I know you are in there! It's Sakura, and I'm alone."

Naruto opened the door slowly and cautiously peeped out. Sakura grinned and raised two packages- one of which looked extremely heavy.

"I have chocolate ice-cream and I have booze. Lots of each, let me in?"

---

It wasn't long before Naruto and Sakura had a really decent buzz going; the endorphins released because of the chocolate effectively combating the depressive effects of the alcohol. That's a nice way of saying that they were pleasantly drunk off their asses. After another beer, Sakura felt safe enough to open dialogue, for want of a better word.

"You know, you should, uh, you should really talk to Sas'ke…this-this could be, this could totally be, ah, the start of a bEe-yOo-teh-ful friendship! Think of da bebbies…kawaii, kawaii bishounen!!"

Naruto lifted an amused eyebrow, _babies?_ Either Sakura was completely shit-faced or she'd missed some vital biology classes. On the bright side, he was glad it was Sakura he was drinking with and not Lee. The man would have demolished half of Japan by now.

"Stupid teme…saying he's in love with me… when did this even happen?"

"You want to know the moment Sas'ke fell in lurve witcha? I'll tell you! Picture it: Kindergarten; 21 years ago!"

"I thought you said you were going to stop watching 'the Golden Girls'…"

"Shaddap! As I was saying…"

* * *

It had been one of the few things Uchiha Mikoto was willing to take a stand on in opposition to her husband. She believed that Sasuke could only benefit from socializing with normal children his age, instead of home-schooling or going to some stuck-up prep school like the one Itachi was had been enrolled in. Besides, it was kindergarten, and he was five. It wasn't as if Sasuke was going to fall in love with someone who was going to dictate the course of the rest of his life! At least not on the first day. 

Mikoto had dug her heels in and Fugaku had ungraciously capitulated. In turn, he made her agree that if Sasuke came home miserable the first few days, then it would be off to prep school. Seeing that Sasuke was a true Uchiha, and was born with more than his fair share of inherent misery, it had seemed like a sucker's bet to Fugaku. However, Sasuke's mother had had no problems agreeing.

Because of the ongoing debate, Sasuke ended up attending school a week late. He clung to his mother's skirt as she attempted to leave. Mikoto stayed, hushing Sasuke as his teacher encouraged her to go; ensuring her that it was for the best and a necessary adjustment. She reluctantly left, and Sasuke was then on his own.

He sat in one corner, steadfastly ignoring the little girls who cooed at him, and wished he could go home. He didn't see how his life could get any worse. Sasuke was an angst-filled little five year old, way ahead of his time. His rapid descent into all things emo was hastened by the arrival of Raijin, one half of the legendary stupid brothers. Fujin was currently serving time in the juvenile detention centre.

Raijin was eight, having failed Kindergarten two years running. He towered over the other children, and was as mean as he was stupid, well… educationally-challenged. Spotting a new kid looking as miserable as could be, Raijin went into bully-mode the moment the teacher was out of sight.

"Oi, shrimp…where's your lunch?" Raijin emphasized each word by poking Sasuke painfully in the forehead. Sasuke remained silent and only glared as angry tears welled up.

Raijin continued to taunt and bully Sasuke, as one or two of the girls, staying far away as possible, decried his actions. Nobody, though, dared to mess with Raijin.

"What's the matter, stupid…you miss your mommy?!" Raijin laughed as he continued to rap on Sasuke's head, occasionally tugging at the smaller boy's bangs.

Naruto had been finger-painting when the small commotion caught his attention. He watched for a moment before he got up and walked over behind Raijin. He contemplated the situation for a moment more before drawing back a leg and releasing a powerful (for a 5 yr. old) kick, right into Raijin's family jewels (raisins…whatever).

The boy grabbed his crotch and flopped soundlessly to the floor, in too much agony to even cry. Naruto deftly stepped over him and stopped to squat in front of a gaping Sasuke.

"Sas'ke right? Hi! I'm UZUMAKI NARUTO!' The small blonde boy waved one colourful fist in the air and used the other to thump his chest- trying vainly to properly encapsulate the greatness that was he.

Sasuke stared up in awe. The being before him had the brightest yellow hair and bluest eyes he'd ever seen. He wanted to reach out and touch them, just to see if they were real. Before he could, Naruto opened his fists to display a multicoloured array of splotches on his fingers and palms.

"Hey, wanna finger-paint?"

* * *

"And that was the moment Sasuke fell in love with you!" Sakura sounded a lot less drunk than she did before she started that tale. 

"At the 'wanna finger-paint' part, or the Raijin castration part?'

"Right after the castration…"

"Ahh…"

"Naruto, why are you fighting this so hard? Why don't you just give Sasuke a chance? This could be…"

"What Sasuke and I have now is fine! Everything was fine! Why does he need to change things? Why isn't this enough? All that would do is complicate things and we'd both screw everything up and we would never be able to go back to the way things were and…"

Realization hit Sakura like a blast of cold water to the face. "This isn't about the confession is it? This isn't about you being freaked out about Sasuke kissing you either. Oh my god…you knew! You knew how he felt before this, didn't you?"

Naruto paused and looked at her, gnawing at his lower lip as he tried to think of an appropriate response. He took a swig of beer and muttered.

"Don't say stupid things…"

"Don't lie to me! How long have you known?" Naruto sighed and gave Sakura a half-hearted glare, and then he shrugged.

"I figured it out the day at the airport…when the bastard came back. It was right there, stamped all over his stupid face, and then suddenly everything just made sense. All the shit we'd gone through…him running away. It just all fit. I thought, if I left it alone- just keep things the same, pretended I didn't know- he'd eventually stop… and whatever feelings he thought he had, would go away…"

"Go away? GO AWAY?! This is love Naruto, not the flu! What kind of stupid reasoning is that? I can't believe you just sat here all this time, knowing that…"

"...BECAUSE WE CAN'T HAVE A RELATIONSHIP! …Not like that, not in that way… it would never work. That kind of love is not for everybody Sakura. It can destroy people. Sasuke and I, we're not the most stable people… if we screwed it up…"

Sakura usually prided herself on her astuteness and intuitiveness; so she couldn't understand how she could have been this dense.

"Naruto…" She spoke hesitantly, suddenly finding herself careening unto dangerously thin ice. "It isn't always like that…"

* * *

It was usually Naruto's mother who picked him up from school, his father usually being at work around that time. Sasuke liked her enough; though she didn't appear to have her son's boundless energy and enthusiasm. She was sweet and calm and reminded Sasuke of his own mother. Sasuke had officially met Naruto's dad at their kindergarten's career day, when parents came by and explained what they did for a living. Both Sasuke and Naruto's mothers were stay-at-home moms, so their fathers were the ones who came. It had taken some doing to get Fugaku to show up. 

Sasuke was in awe of Arashi-san. It was as if Kami-sama had graciously taken Naruto and super-sized him. The same wild blonde hair and blue eyes; the exact goofy, tooth-filled grin- the only things missing were the whisker marks. He had the same energy and physical nature as his son, laughing while Naruto used him as a make-shift jungle gym. Naruto adored his dad, and Arashi adored him right back. Sasuke wondered what it would be like to have a relationship like that with his dad. Fugaku had spent the time frowning at the unruly nature of the children, and the possibly even more unruly nature of the parents.

Sasuke learnt that Arashi-san was a fire-fighter. This appeared to annoy Fugaku who, like many of his relatives, was a closet pyromaniac. What was wrong with fire? Konoha was a part of the Fire country, fire was their symbol and their way of life. It seemed blasphemous to run around putting it out!

"I'm the fire chief at the Konoha Fire Department. When there's a dangerous fire, we go and put it out. And we make sure that buildings are safe…"

"Do you rescue kitties from trees too?" Ino asked, waving her hand about.

"Yup, we sure do!"

"Daddy is called the Hokage (fire shadow) where he works. One day, I'm going to be the Hokage too!" Naruto declared as his father's large helmet fell forward into his face.

"Why do they call you that?" A little girl shyly asked.

"I don't know really. All the fire chiefs have been called that. I think it's because we live in the Fire country, are fire-fighters and it just sounds really cool." Arashi gave the patented Uzumaki grin, and Sasuke declared him the coolest adult on the planet.

---

It had only been a few months after that, when Naruto missed school for the first time ever. There had been a huge fire the day before- the old wiring in a nine-story apartment block being the cause of the blaze.

There had been so many people trapped inside, it had seemed impossible to get them all out. Somehow, in spite of everything, Arashi and the other fire-fighters managed to rescue everyone. Then there had been one mother, frantic and insistent that her eight year old son was still inside. Arashi had gone in, and was not able to make it back out. The little boy had been outside the building before the fire started, having snuck out to play with his friends. His mother hadn't known.

When Naruto finally came back to school… he told Sasuke what had happened. "Mommy said daddy did a stupid thing…and now he isn't coming back again."

Since Arashi was simply a large Naruto to him, he imagined what it would be like if Naruto never came back to school, and he never saw him again. Tears immediately welled up.

"I'm sad for you…" Sasuke offered sincerely as Naruto blinked at him and nodded.

Uzumaki-san hadn't taken the news of her husband's death well. She sunk into a deep depression that everyone hoped she would snap out of soon, for Naruto's sake, if nothing else. But Naruto only seemed to deepen it for her. Every time she looked at her son, she only saw the image of her husband and only made her sink even lower.

It was Naruto who had found her that morning. He had gotten up by himself. He had gotten used to doing it in the past weeks as his mother lay in bed more and more; unable to even get up at all some days. He had gone to shake her awake, wanting breakfast and to get ready for school. She was taking forever to wake up, and Naruto continued shaking her and calling, the empty pill bottle beside the lamp meaning nothing to him. A while later, he became frightened and ran for the neighbours.

Years later, when Naruto learnt about depression and the dangerous impact it had on the lives of sufferers and their loved ones, he had understood a little more. But back then, all he had understood was that he had been abandoned-his mother choosing to escape from him instead trying. That's how dangerous romantic love could be.

* * *

Sasuke had been staring at his phone, willing it to ring ever since Sakura had gone off to see Naruto. He had been so focused on it, that when his doorbell rang he had pounced on the phone instead. The buzzing dial tone confused him, until he heard the doorbell go off again. He opened the door to reveal a jumpy nervous-looking Naruto. 

They stared at each other a little before Naruto grinned broadly and nervously scratched the back of his head.

"Hey teme…can we talk?"


	8. The Talk

**A/N:** **Love** **meh**, for I have returned with another chapter! (_Crickets chirp_)…err, guys? Oh, and I come with a brand, spanking new Beta! (_Smacks Adi on the butt and is immediately slapped with a lawsuit_). Yeah, all my stories were un-beta-ed, but she's here to change all that madness! Thank you Adi! For your brave sacrifice and selflessness, this chapter is dedicated to you! XD_  
_Anywho, a few items of business: first a confession. Hi, my name is KageKitsuneXXX/KamikazeXXX (_not her real names_), and I am a review addict. Yup, I'm putting my pride aside and wibbling on the ground for you to review. I just love hearing from you guys and hearing what you think, constructive criticisms, 'like OMG's and everything. As of the end of this week, I will officially be an unemployed college grad for an undetermined period of time, so your reviews are all I have going for me. So please review, pretty please? (_Puppy eyes_) Secondly, I will continue to foist my favourite music upon you under the guise of 'mood music' for the fic. (_Shifty eyes_) And finally, for you readers that have stuck with the story since you found it, have offered all this amazing encouragement and waited patiently for Chapter 8, with minimal death threats, I have included a special surprise for you at the end of the chapter! The keys to your brand new car!! _What? What do you mean the boat with the cars sank?! You have any idea what those freaking things cost?! (Cough) _Correction, at the end of the chapter will be ANOTHER surprise. Now enough of my chatter, on with chapter 8!

Disclaimer: Don't own or have any affiliation with the group 'Simple Plan'. The song used is 'Addicted'

* * *

_I heard you're doing okay, but I want you to know; I'm addic- I'm addicted to you.  
I can't pretend I don't care, when you don't think about me. Do you think I deserve this?  
I tried to make you happy, but you left anyway.  
I'm trying to forget that I'm addicted to you. But I want it, and I need it- I'm addicted to you.  
Now it's over, can't forget what you said. And I never want to do this again. Heartbreaker…_

_Since the day I met you, and after all we've been through: still addic- I'm addicted to you.  
I think you know that it's true, I'd run a thousand miles to get you. Do you think I deserve this?  
I tried to make you happy; I did all that I could just to keep you, but you left anyway.  
I'm trying to forget that I'm addicted to you. But I want it, and I need it- I'm addicted to you.  
Now it's over, can't forget what you said. And I never want to do this again. Heartbreaker…_

_How long will I be waiting? Until the end of time...  
I don't know why I'm still waiting. I can't make you mine._

* * *

"This is all wrong!" Lee blinked as Sakura stalked about their bedroom, ranting to herself.

"Wrong?"

"Naruto and Sasuke…they aren't going according to the plan!"

"Plan?" Lee questioned as he watched Sakura wear a path into their pink carpet.

"Sasuke was supposed to confess his love. Okay, so he finally did that. _Then_, Naruto was supposed to eagerly return his affection; they'd become a couple and we could go out on double dates and such like things! Naruto is totally screwing up my plans! I haven't a clue how to fix all this!"

"Fix?"

"Lee, if you can't to do anything but play 'echo' all night, at least stay quiet while I try to think. How am I going to fix this mess?!"

"Sakura…there is nothing for you to fix. Leave it alone." Lee stretched and spread out on the bed, while Sakura stopped pacing and gaped at him.

"Nothing to fix? _Nothing to fix?!_ Are you kidding me?! My two best friends are hurting right now. One is so deep in the closet that I have to ask him to pass my shoes and the other is sinking further into the angst that is unrequited love. And if Sasuke gets any more emo, he'll create his own black hole. And there is nothing to fix?! They so need me to do something."

Lee only smiled and Sakura was moved to ask him what was so amusing by bashing him over the head with a pillow.

"It is just the idea of you and 'fixing' Naruto-kun and Sasuke-kun's relationship. If it were completely up to you Sakura, I would have committed eye-brow suicide a long time ago and still have nothing to show for my efforts."

"Huh?"

"When I was pursuing you, I thought that if I only tried that much harder, eventually things would fall into place. It was Gai-sensei who told me that it was one of the few times effort was not the answer. That for once, I had to let things happen and simply have faith. I believe it is the same for our friends. You just have to let them work it out on their own. Gai-sensei has never been wrong"

A vein in Sakura's temple throbbed. It never ceased to irk her that _Gai-sensei_ of all people, had been more intuitive about her own love life than she had been. It was always Lee's trump card- all he had to do was remind her how averse she had been to him and the idea of a relationship; and he automatically won (postponed), the argument. Sakura ploughed on regardless though, this time the stakes were different.

"But they're miserable. You can't expect me not to do anything…"

"Do you believe that they should be together? That they are meant to be with each other?"

"Well yeah…"

"Then there is no need to worry. Sasuke-kun and Naruto-kun have a unique relationship that only they completely understand. They will sort it out in their own way and in their own time. Let it be."

"But…"

"Sakura, promise me you will not interfere." Sakura sputtered a bit and then capitulated ungraciously.

"_Fine_, but if they don't get together and are miserable for the rest of their lives, I am _soooo_ blaming you!" Lee stood and flashed his 'nice guy' pose, teeth glinting and all.

"As well you should! But I am confident in the never flailing advice of Gai-sensei!"

Sakura was about to stifle him with a pillow when her beeper went off.

* * *

Sasuke had been staring at his phone, willing it to ring ever since Sakura had gone off to see Naruto. He had been so focused on it, that when his doorbell rang, he had pounced on the phone instead. The buzzing dial tone confused him, until he heard the doorbell go off again. He opened the door to reveal a jumpy, nervous-looking Naruto. 

They stared at each other a little before Naruto grinned broadly and nervously scratched the back of his head.

"Hey teme…can we talk?"

Sasuke blinked a bit more before he stepped aside and let Naruto in. Sasuke didn't know what to make of this. He had thought that he'd have to coax Naruto into seeing him again, but then again Naruto was always a direct person.

"I'm sorry." They had spoke simultaneously, making the other pause and stare some more. It was Naruto who was quicker off the mark.

"What exactly are you sorry about?"

Sasuke was momentarily at a loss. He wasn't sorry…about anything, but Sakura had basically said that he had committed a faux pas somewhere. So he had figured an apology, as much as he hated it, was the best way to get the ball rolling.

"I guess…I shouldn't have come on so strong?" It came out as a query; he was just making stuff up as he went along. He tried to remember what Sakura had yelled at him about. "I should probably have, umm, given you more time to adjust to my confession? What are you sorry about?"

"I shouldn't have run out of here like that…" Naruto sighed and continued. "… and I should have dealt with this a long time before now."

"Well it's only been a little over a day (_26 hours and 43 minutes actually, but who's counting?)_." Naruto was rubbing the back of his neck agitatedly.

"Yeah, well that's the other thing I wanted to apologise to you about. For, umm, acting as if I didn't know before hand."

"What?"

"I thought you were over it! I swear I did! Everything seemed completely back to normal. You were out with a different girl almost every night and you were annoyed with me as always and…"

"Wait, you are saying you knew how I felt before this? How could you have known?! You couldn't have! I hid it so well!"

Naruto stopped his nervous blabbering to deadpan and roll his eyes at the man before him.

"Look, I know I'm not the smartest person in the world, but I'm not that dumb Sasuke. You turn funny shades of purple when I don't have a shirt on, you dress girls up to look like me, and you get yourself off to the sound of my voice…" Sasuke instantly turned tomato-red.

"I-I DO NOT!"

"Please, you make more noise than an obscene phone caller. Well, technically that was an obscene phone call. And I'm a doctor…I think I can detect the difference between someone throwing up and someone getting their rocks off in the bathroom. Che, but I swear I thought you had completely moved on. It wasn't until you brought that clone-girl to me, that I realized that maybe you still had some feelings for me."

"How long have you known?"

"Since the day you came back. But after a few months, you seemed to go right back to normal, so I didn't worry about it. I figured whatever feelings you had, went away."

"Its love Naruto not the…"

"…flu, yeah I heard. Hence the apology." Sasuke didn't even care about that right now. When he had time to digest it, he would probably strangle Naruto later. Now all he wanted was a resolution.

"So what now?" The question appeared to shock Naruto.

"Now?"

"Now that you know, and I know that you know. And you know that I know that you know, you know." Oh god, he sounded like a moron. Maybe he was catching Naruto's stupid-disease.

"Can't we just pretend we don't know anything? I'm pretty good at it. I could teach you." Sasuke wanted to knock the stupid, strained grin right off the blonde's face.

"What?" Naruto's agitation was increasing, and it was making him more nervous and agitated in turn.

"Look, why do we need to change anything? What we have is fine. What you want will only complicate things. Can't we just go back to the way things were…before your confession?"

"You can't go back to not knowing something Naruto. The truth is out there…" And now he was quoting the X-files; Sasuke ran a hand over his face. "…I mean, no I'm not going to go back to how things were before!"

"But…we're like brothers…"

"I already have a brother! If I ever caught myself thinking about him the way I think about you, I'll commit…"

"…seppuku, I heard that line somewhere before too. We'd just screw this up and hurt each other! It's me and you Sasuke... that kind of shit is almost inevitable!"

"I wouldn't hurt you Naruto, I love you…"

"That little 'fact' has never stopped you before!" Sasuke recoiled as if Naruto had slapped him in the face. Naruto, in turn, clamped his mouth shut.

"You still haven't gotten over that. You don't trust me…"

"I shouldn't have said that. Just forget it, I didn't mean it. YOU SEE? This is exactly what I'm talking about! We can't do this. I can't do this Sasuke. I can't do what you want."

"And I can't do what you want. I can't go back to the way things were, just because you don't want to deal with the situation!" Naruto raised and dropped his hands, his exasperation evident.

"Why the hell not?!"

"Because it isn't enough! Not anymore…" Naruto's expression became one of pleading.

"You would end our friendship for this? For something that may not even work? You're my best friend Sasuke; I don't want to lose that."

"I don't want to either." Sasuke said sincerely, before sitting on the arm of his couch. "That's why I'll offer you a deal."

"Deal?" Naruto's look was one of deep suspicion.

"Yeah, I won't pretend as if all this simply didn't happen. But I could accept that we can't have a romantic relationship and willingly remain as just friends if you could do one little thing." Sasuke's heart was pounding. This felt like a huge risk which could easily backfire. What if he was wrong?

"Do what?" Naruto didn't kid himself into thinking Sasuke was going to let him off easy.

"Shouldn't be hard. Just look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love me."

"What?" Naruto looked at him as if he hadn't heard him correctly.

"It's the only reason that makes sense. The only reason I could see that a relationship wouldn't work. If you don't love me, then we can end the argument right here and we're just best friends. Just look me in the eyes and say it, Naruto. Then everything can go back to normal, for want of a better word." Sasuke crossed his arms and watched the blonde steadily, waiting.

Naruto was staring at Sasuke as if he was anticipating a part two to the deal, but the man said nothing. That was simple enough, just look the bastard in the eyes and tell him he didn't love him. This deal was a god-send, and he was surprised that Sasuke could be that reasonable.

But something felt wrong with Naruto as he prepared himself for the small task. Maybe he was coming down with something- his whole body felt out of whack. His lips were dry but his palms were sweating. He smoothed his hands down his jeans and licked his lips; Sasuke was just staring at him, not even blinking. He could see the tension in Sasuke's body as the man seemed to be bracing for what he had to say. Naruto inhaled and let fly the words.

"Idon'tloveyou" It came out in a rush, a quickly exhaled breath, barely audible and even less coherent.

Sasuke stared and blinked. There was a moment of silence, and then another. Then a heartbeat later, Sasuke burst out laughing. Naruto was surprised to say the least; then he was indignant. He didn't see what was so funny; the bastard could at least be a little heartbroken.

"What the hell's so funny?" Sasuke was almost doubling over. Relief washed the tension and dread out of his muscles, barely leaving him any support to stay upright. He hiccupped as he tried to answer the annoyed blonde.

"The fact that, even though you were staring at my neck, you still can't lie worth shit, dobe!" Naruto coloured as Sasuke fell back to laughing.

"I wasn't lying, you bastard!" Sasuke peeked up at him, still clutching his stomach, now crazy with confidence.

"Yeah? Want to try again then?" Naruto resisted the urge to stomp his foot in frustration. This wasn't how the conversation was supposed to be going.

"I don't have to prove a thing to you! I don't care what you delude yourself into believing."

"You love me." Sasuke stated simply as he stood and took a step closer to the blonde, who was now working himself into a fine rage.

"Whether I do or I don't- and I'm not saying that I do! - is moot here. I'm telling you, that what you want won't happen!" Naruto wanted to shove his foot down the smug bastard's throat as he stood there smiling like the ass he was.

"You love me." Sasuke chanted again as he took another step closer. Naruto wasn't even cognizant of the fact that Sasuke was pulling closer. Instead he raised a shaking finger at the infuriating jackass, desperately trying to keep in mind the heavy sentence a murder charge carried.

"STOP SAYING THAT!! AND WIPE THAT STUPID LOOK OFF YOUR FACE YOU…what are you doing?"

Naruto's volume dropped to a barely audible squeak, as Sasuke bent forward and deliberately licked the finger pointed at him.

"You love me." Sasuke said huskily, before moving to suck lightly at the digit.

Naruto seemed to take root in the floor as he locked eyes with the man molesting him.

"No I don't. I really don't…stop doing that…" Naruto's voice got incrementally softer as he watched his finger disappear and reappear from Sasuke's mouth. This really wasn't how this was supposed to go.

"Okay" Sasuke released Naruto's finger and then, using a move Naruto couldn't even register, was pressed against him, lips moving against his.

Sasuke was kissing him, open mouthed and heated, and he wasn't doing a damn thing to stop him. He felt a tongue slide across his teeth and he dumbly granted it further access. He felt his jacket being pushed off and he shifted slightly only to let it fall unhindered to the floor. He really needed to do something before this got out of control.

Sasuke hissed Naruto's hands fisted into his hair, pulling him closer. He felt Naruto's tongue invade his mouth and a warm hand slide under his t-shirt. He later let out a gasp of surprise and pleasure when his back connected with the kitchen counter and Naruto gave a firm thrust upward and against him. Sasuke vaguely wondered if Naruto had a kink about grinding him into inanimate objects. He probably wouldn't be satisfied until Sasuke became embedded into the woodwork of the walls of the house.

His thought processes broke down completely as Naruto started to lick and gnaw at his lower lip, a hand still gripping his hair as the other roved freely about his body. Naruto touched him as if he were already naked; and Sasuke swore he could feel the tips of Naruto's fingers grazing over his rapidly heating-skin. His head was tilted to the side and his hair brushed back, revealing the bright, angry-looking bruise Naruto had put there just a day before. He sighed and shuddered as Naruto blew over it and kissed along the edges before moving to attack the other side of his neck. Sasuke also realized then, that if this little game of theirs continued much longer; he would wind up being nothing but a walking collection of splotchy hickeys and bruises.

"Why can't I say no to you?" Naruto whispered as he tugged off Sasuke's shirt and moved to lick his exposed collar bone. "You're in my blood. You're like a freaking addiction."

Sasuke could empathize, but he just couldn't speak. Naruto lips brushed along his jaw line, grazed beneath his ear and sucked at his throat. Both of the blonde's hands were now devoted to gliding over Sasuke's heaving chest, down to taut, clenching stomach, and back up to rub over sensitized, hardened nipples.

Sasuke groaned and arched up as the rough pad of Naruto's thumb was suddenly replaced with a moist tongue.

"Naruto…" The name came out as a tortured sigh as the other man alternated between licking and sucking on the hard nub. Sasuke sank both hands into the bright blonde hair, tightening his grip when he felt Naruto's knuckles graze his abdomen as his jeans were unfastened and unzipped.

Naruto pulled Sasuke's jeans and boxers down to his knees, in one fluid movement. He then moved to assault Sasuke's other nipple, as a hand snaked behind to palm and squeeze Sasuke's ass. Sasuke's felt his body flush and fill with heat. _Kami-sama, this is really happening._

"This really isn't…how it's supposed to go…" Naruto murmured as he moved his lips down Sasuke's chest, hands moving to grip the man's hips to steady him as he moved incrementally lower.

"Naruto…ah, haaa…" Sasuke gasped and shuddered as Naruto's kissed and licked at his abs, tasting the beads of sweat starting to run down the man's body. He could not stop the yell that escaped him as Naruto wrapped his fist around his aching erection and slowly slid his hand, once, twice, three times, up and down his length.

At the last minute, before Naruto could taste him, he was tugged up forcefully by the hair and collar, being pulled to his feet. As much as Sasuke wanted it, he didn't want this ending for him, before he even got a chance to take Naruto's shirt off.

Naruto apparently understood that, sliding a hand around Sasuke's waist to pull him firmly against him while the other braced beside Sasuke's head. This allowed Naruto to lean impossibly close without actually coming in full contact. Sasuke just stared back as Naruto held him in an eye-lock. He would have been nervous that Naruto wasn't kissing him, afraid that sanity was returning to the blonde; but the deep-violet of Naruto's reassured him that stopping or sanity was the last thing on Naruto's mind.

The raw lust emanating from Naruto made Sasuke burn. He chewed his lip to keep from yelling as Naruto squeezed a buttock again and dropped the hand lower to stoke the back of his thighs. The colour of Naruto's eyes was still deepening. All that sexual energy was focused on him…Naruto wanted him, just a much as he wanted Naruto. The thought made Sasuke smirk, the slight movement of his lips distracting Naruto and pulling his gaze to them.

Naruto lifted a brow, staring at the insolent gesture, apparently not amused at its appearance. He was determined to get rid of it. A moment later Naruto's lips crashed unto Sasuke's and whatever small remnant of control that remained between the two men snapped.

Sasuke's hands flew up to Naruto's collar and he tried to unbutton the shirt. He swore viciously to himself as his trademark grace and dexterity left him. The button remained unyielding. What kind of moron wears this much clothes anyway?

_Well screw this._

Sasuke gripped either side of Naruto's shirt and yanked. The sound of ripping cloth sounded over the moans and sighs of the two men. The offending button hit Sasuke's tiled kitchen floor, chiming like a small bell. There was more ripping and tearing as one by one, the button's comrades fell, the ringing sounds driving Sasuke as he pushed off Naruto's shirt.

He broke the kiss to bite into Naruto's shoulder, tasting somewhere else bedsides the man's lips for the first time. Sasuke hissed in annoyance as he fumbled with Naruto's belt. Where was his goddamned grace when he needed it?

"Sasuke…" The cadence of Naruto's voice reverberated through him; making him wish he could rip the jeans as easily as he did the shirt. He sucked voraciously at Naruto's throat as he managed to unfasten the button and unzip the jeans.

He just needed another minute, Sasuke thought as he moved to pull down the blonde's jeans. One more minute and they'd be on his floor, way past the point of no return. And Naruto would have to deal with him and their feelings then, because there was simply no explaining making love away. Naruto had dipped his head to kiss him again, as he pulled down the stubborn jeans and hooked his thumbs into Naruto's boxers. He just needed another minute…

The sound of Naruto's beeper going off nearly caused Sasuke's head to explode.

_GODDAMMIT TO HELL, SONOFABITCH, GRANDMOTHERFUCKER, BARBARA STREISAND…_

Naruto's response to the beeper was conditioned and automatic. He immediately stopped and forgot any and all activity as he dived into his sagging pants for the small device.

…_HIM AND HIS BABY MOMMA, FREAKING ELECTRICAL DEVICES, I'LL SHOVE THAT BEEPER SO FAR UP HIS…_

"It's the hospital…" Naruto said vaguely, not really addressing anyone. Sasuke was in the process of roughly yanking up his pants, but stopped to blast Naruto with such a glare that, had there been any justice in the world, would have splattered the blonde all over his living room.

Cursing as he realized that he wouldn't be able to zip up his pants with a raging erection, Sasuke abandoned that task and pulled on his t-shirt that had lain abandoned on his floor.

Naruto turned to talk to him and Sasuke watched in fascination and cold amusement as realization finally slammed home. Naruto paled and then flushed red. _Can't be healthy, that kind of rapid-fire change in blood flow. _Sasuke thought in amusement as he watched the sputtering blonde. Then again, he wasn't the doctor in the house.

"WHAT DID YOU DO?!" Naruto fairly screeched as he raised an accusatory finger at Sasuke. He seemed to recall how this whole thing got started, and quickly dropped it, as he moved to put his clothes back in order.

Sasuke remained mute, only watching the spastic movements of the blonde as he zipped and re-fastened his jeans. Naruto was blushing so hard; you could have steamed mussels on him.

"This-This doesn't mean anything!! What I said still stands! This shouldn't have happened!"

Sasuke simply crossed his arms and regarded Naruto silently as the man picked up his ruined shirt of the ground. Sasuke barely lifted an eyebrow at the colourful language that streamed forth when Naruto saw the state of his shirt. The blonde turned to glare at Sasuke and only got even more pissed off for his efforts.

Sasuke's hair was pointing in a zillion different directions, his skin was flushed and his lips were bruised. His t-shirt was inside-out and his jeans were slowly slipping southward since he hadn't buttoned them. He looked like a frightened, scandalized chicken. And yet the bastard had the AUDACITY to stand there, looking at him with his patented 'I'm superior and you're stupid' expression, the one he had perfected in Kindergarten, still not saying a word.

Grabbing his jacket, Naruto stalked to the door, ticked that he'd have to head home and get a shirt now. He'd be damned if he'd ever borrow an item of clothing from the bastard again. He would be avoiding this house as if it were the quarantine for the plague from here on out. Flinging open the door, Naruto turned to scream one last thing at the dummy.

"**AND STOP MOLESTING ME!!!**" THAT got a rise out of Sasuke.

"Molesting you?! **MOLESTING You?!! I'M molesting YOU?!! You goddamn hypocrite!!**" Naruto abruptly left as Sasuke started roaring; slamming the door so hard, it shook the paintings on the walls.

Sasuke was about to go to the door and yell other civil niceties at the figure he knew was rapidly retreating from his house. However after one step, his jeans tripped him and he had to throw his hands forward to stop from crashing on his face. One hand came down hard on a discarded button. _Ah touché button, touché… _

Huffing loudly, Sasuke flopped down unto his back and glared up at his ceiling. A few minutes of hard Uchiha glare-age later, Sasuke started to smirk, which then gave way to a genuine smile. His dobe loved him, the other stuff were peripheral details. Now from here on out, it was simply a matter of planning and action.

* * *

Gama-chan croaked to a stop the same time Sakura's Slug slid to a halt in the hospital's parking lot. The Slug was Sakura's large white van that she was hopelessly attached to. It took forever to build up speed and had a strange tendency to leak acid, but she would never get rid of it. Kabuto threatened to have both Gama-chan and the Slug towed and sent to the crushers. According to him, it was okay if Naruto and Sakura wanted to kill themselves, but they should at least give the environment and the scenery a chance. 

Naruto and Sakura jogged up to the hospital's entrance together.

"What's going on?" Naruto asked as he cast a worried gaze at Sakura.

"Don't know…got paged the same time you did, I guess. Are you okay? You look like you've been run over by a truck." Naruto grimaced.

"I'm pretty sure I have been. And I have a sinking feeling that the driver is about to fling it into reverse."

* * *

**A/N:** Okay, be honest: how many of you read the song and the opening of Naruto and Sasuke's conversation and thought  
'That bitch! She lied to me…this is angst! This is going to be an angst-filled, emo, bawl-your-eyes-out rejection of Sasuke's hot man-loving! OH, the humanity!'  
Well if you thought that, **GOTCHA! **I told you I tried to stuff all the angst into the preceding chapters! Keep 'em looking left, then move right, baby! If you saw through it though, or skipped the song because it bored you, well kudos my friend! I could not mislead you. Very good, grasshopper.  
Seriously, how on the mark is Simple Plan with that song? I think they should play it whenever Naruto chases down Sasuke in the canon. Well, okay no, but it really just screams NaruSasu angst to me. I could even see some of the lyrics as a response from Sasuke. I think I chose a pretty good mood-setter (nod, nod).  (Is pleased with herself).  
(KK senses a huge amount of killer intent…turns around to see an angry mob of readers.) Erm…guys?  
Mob: Lemoooon… And they still aren't together! Kill the witch!  
KK: Eeeep! Guys you can't kill me! Not if you want chapter 9! (So, do you all want chapter 9?)  
Mob: Kiiiilllllll!!!!! (Torches are lit, pitchforks appear, and someone revs a chainsaw)  
KK: O.O;; Waa-it, a got a surprise remember!! (Chainsaw revs quizzically) 

In one of the previous chapters, one reviewer forbade me from ever ending the story, demanding at least 60 chapters (that crazy Mo-Fo!). I told her that I would have to hooked up to a plot I.V. to even get to a chapter in the teens. So, seeing the error of her ways, she withdrew her order and went on to demanding 100 chapters instead. Don't worry; I am having her institutionalized as we speak. But I couldn't help but wonder what a chapter 60 or 100 would look like (because I am weak-minded like that). So as a way of thanking you for sticking with the story and being such wonderful readers, I present to you: **The theoretical Chapter 60 of Role Play: ****My Wake-up Call**

Note: This really has nothing to do with the current story, basically it's an AU away from the AU. So it isn't a spoiler for how the story will end or anything like that. It is just one POSSIBILITY of how Chapter 60 could have looked. Naruto and Sasuke are in their early to mid-thirties at this point; because the idea of two really old dudes having sex freaks me out (apologies to all the gay geriatric guys out there). I hope you like it.

* * *

Sasuke was being stifled, it was getting harder and harder to breathe. The more he tried to pull in air, the more constricted it felt. Naruto released his lover's nose as the dark-haired man awoke with a sputter. Sasuke looked up to see blue eyes peering at him from a face framed with shaggy blonde hair. His would-be murderer was smiling at him, making the whiskered cheeks even more pronounced. Sasuke resisted the urge to smile back and pull the man down for a kiss. Instead, he scowled. 

"Kami-sama, you're actually here?! I was hoping it was just a long, painfully elaborate nightmare!" Naruto rolled his eyes at the first words the bastard uttered.

"Well, good morning to you too sunshine. Get up, it's seven already and I want omelettes!" Sasuke raised an eyebrow at him.

"Omelettes? What, no ramen?"

"I already had my ramen, but I want breakfast!" Sasuke rolled his eyes and turned his face away from the miniature sun that was his lover.

Naruto really needed to admit he had a problem. Ramen wasn't even considered as food by him anymore. Ramen to him was like insulin to a Type-1 diabetic: something essential and completely vital. Sasuke shivered every time he remembered the first vacation they had ever taken together.

Apparently ramen wasn't the culinary staple in France as it was in Japan…who knew? When Naruto had learnt that swank hotel Sasuke had selected did not have ramen, did not know what ramen was, and would not serve ramen for him or anything like him; Naruto was prepared to do a U-turn and catch the next flight back. Sasuke had been adamant, however. He wanted to stay and that was final. Surely Naruto could last two weeks without wet noodles.

Sasuke had later watched in trembling horror as Naruto, then 24 hours ramen-free, went Incredible Hulk on the him and the defenceless suite. Necessity being the mother of invention, Sasuke had quickly improvised something in the small kitchen- basically serving Naruto spaghetti in spiced hot water. Naruto had eaten it as he steadily cursed Sasuke, the hotel, France in general and decried the overt barbarism of not having at least instant ramen on hand.

The noodle-dish having taken the edge of, Sasuke was then left with an irritable, twitching and excitable Naruto; this being the equivalent of sharing a cave with an animated Tasmanian devil. Sasuke had thought the vacation would be ruined until he discovered the only thing that could distract Naruto from his ramen-induced psychosis: Sex… and lots of it.

For the remaining 12 days, they had left the hotel room only long enough to take a few pictures of the Eiffel Tower to prove they had been in France. And that was it. At the end of the vacation, there was a Sasuke-shaped imprint permanently etched into the bed. The floors, being made of hardier stuff, resisted a similar branding. For Sasuke, he thought it had been the best holiday ever. Sure he winced when he walked and had had to endure Naruto screaming things like 'I love you, Noodle boy' and 'me so hungry'; and yes, Naruto had tried to slurp his hair a few times, but it had been worth it.

Anywho, back to the future:

"Will you get up and make my breakfast already?" Naruto poked the man as Sasuke firmly turned his face away from him.

"Go make your own damned omelettes…"

"I can't make them the way you do…come oooon!" Sasuke closed his eyes tightly and willed Naruto to Never-never land (the one in the story-book, not the other one). He wasn't a morning person by nature; but now he was also exhausted. Naruto had kept him up until three that morning, apparently in preparation for some type of sexual Olympics. He was owed another four hours of sleep at least and Naruto's morning-personality was wearing on him. Stupid sky-blue eyes, moronic sunshine hair, delicious fresh-squeezed orange-juice fashion sense. He made himself go slack as Naruto continued poking him, pretending to fall asleep.

Naruto looked down at his lover in amusement. Did the bastard really think he could ignore him? For someone who was called a genius, you'd think he'd learn by now. Sasuke tensed, albeit slightly, as Naruto started to rub his stomach in large warm circles. The circles changed to slow, steady strokes down his abdomen as Naruto called to him in a sing-song voice.

The wide sweeping motions of Naruto's hand narrowed to a single point as he used a finger to trail lazy spirals up and down Sasuke's torso. Heat curled and followed in the wake of Naruto's roving digit. Sasuke kept his eyes closed and face averted as he tried to control his breathing. He knew he should roll over to stop Naruto's ministrations but lay still, carrying on his poor pretence of sleep.

He couldn't stifle the gasp that rose as Naruto brazenly leaned down and licked his nipples. "Sasuke…"

The tongue slip up to lap at the hollow of Sasuke's throat as the slow belly rub resumed. The strokes extended each time until Naruto's fingers brushed the start of the dark curls below Sasuke's navel. Naruto looked down to the see the sheet, which had been riding low on Sasuke's hips, now precariously perched on top of the man's turgid erection. Naruto reached over and with a gust of breath, blew the sheet of the pinnacle. Sasuke hissed and his entire body flushed. Naruto smirked and looked back at the now wide open eyes.

"Oh you're awake? And it looks like you are happy to see me too…"

"That has nothing to do with YOU, moron. It's…it's just morning wood." Naruto rolled his eyes, not bothering to point out the discrepancy that the erection had not been there 10 minutes ago. Sasuke's brain activity must have started to slow down already.

Sasuke shut up as lips clamped over a hardened nipple and started sucking. Naruto started edging lower, kissing and nipping at Sasuke's taut flesh, until warm breath ghosted over a straining erection. Naruto stroked Sasuke's inner thigh, allowing his knuckles to brush against the aching member. Naruto then abruptly straightened and sat Indian style beside the stunned and sweating Sasuke.

"What are you…why did you…what the…" Sasuke looked between Naruto and his erection as if there had been some sort of breach of contract.

"What? You said it had nothing to do with me!" Naruto spoke nonchalantly as Sasuke sat bolt upright and glared at him. The blonde started to inspect his nails. "Sakura-chan says my nails need work. Do you think it's unmanly to get a manicure? Che, look who I'm asking! Could you make an appointment with your manicurist for me? I…_ack!"_

Sasuke dived into Naruto, intent on killing him. A few minutes of scuffling and pained grunting, and he had succeeded in straddling the blonde, pinning his hands above his head.

"You.Are.Such.A.Moron!" Sasuke gritted out before descending to use his tongue to choke the idiot.

As the kiss deepened, Sasuke relaxed his body to slide against his lover, annoyed at the rough feel of clothes against his naked skin. Struggling not to break the kiss, Sasuke tugged at Naruto's t-shirt one way, while stretching it another, still refusing to acknowledge that he would have to unlatch from Naruto to get the shirt removed. Naruto sighed and twisted away to break the kiss and yank his shirt off. Sasuke was always rough on his clothes. He had lost count of how many t-shirts, dress shirts and boxers he had to replace on a monthly basis.

While Naruto had been removing his shirt, Sasuke had moved down the huge bed to pull down Naruto's sweat pants and underwear. He was rewarded with a sharp groan as his lips slip over and down Naruto's hardening length. A few slow licks, and the Naruto was throbbing in his hand. Naruto's back arched up to move deeper in Sasuke's mouth as the raven sped up, sucking harder and faster as his lover's hand twisted in his hair. There was a sharp tug that forced Sasuke to look up into dark blue eyes.

"Want me to return the favour?" Sasuke blinked in confusion as Naruto started moving, kicking off his pants, and shifting Sasuke at the same time. Understanding finally dawned on Sasuke as, soon Naruto lay beneath him, and the man's breath was once again flowing against his swollen member. He grunted as he felt Naruto's tongue wrap around his length and he was almost pulled down by a heavy suck on his penis.

Soon Sasuke was gasping and shaking, unable to stop himself from thrusting down as Naruto picked up speed, pumping his hand hard and fast over Sasuke's shaft in opposing motion to actions of his mouth. Sasuke yelled and sank his teeth into the firm flesh of Naruto's thigh as he tried to control himself.

Not missing a beat, Naruto moved his free hand from his lover's hip to entwine it with Sasuke's- the one still grasping Naruto's erection. Reminded of the purpose of their position, Sasuke removed Naruto's hand and immediately plunged his mouth down the turgid flesh, quickly matching Naruto's almost blurring speed. The feel of Naruto's tongue lapping and sliding over the slit of his leaking member dragged a strangled groan from Sasuke, to pull back and lick deliberately at the dewing fluid at the tip of his lover's pulsing erection, before moving down to fill his mouth again.

For a few minutes sounds of humming and groaning filled the room. Naruto felt the Sasuke's body tensing above him, the hard flesh in his mouth surging dangerously. He felt his body start to respond similarly and pulled back. Sasuke paused his own actions and looked back at him.

"Do you…want to finish like this? Or…" Naruto panted out and paused as he watched Sasuke lift himself off. A heartbeat later, Sasuke was straddling him, grasping Naruto as he began to guide himself down. Naruto gripped the man's hips and stopped him. Reaching a hand around Sasuke's neck, he pulled him down for a delaying kiss. "Don't we need to use some lube"

Sasuke shook his head against Naruto's lips, tasting himself as he slid a tongue over them. "I'm still…from this morning…" Sasuke finished vaguely, not fully able to bring himself to say it out loud.

"Oh…really?" Naruto held him in place against his lips, and unceremoniously slipped two fingers into Sasuke's previously slicked entranced.

Sasuke gasped and thrust down, grinding his weeping erection against Naruto's before rocking back unto the fingers. Naruto smirked… he always did go overboard on the lube; but he guessed it was a good thing. Still not wanting to chance hurting Sasuke, another finger slipped in and started stretching and preparing his lover. Sasuke shuddered and hissed his impatience, pushing away Naruto's probing hand. Again, he positioned himself and started to sink down over Naruto until he was completely filled and cradled against the blonde's pelvis.

Naruto's grip tightened on Sasuke's hips as the man raised himself and came crashing back down, making them both gasp. Naruto angled himself properly for Sasuke's next move, smiling as watched Sasuke crash back down only to open his mouth in a silent scream, body arching as his hips started to roll automatically.

"You are so damned beautiful…" Naruto bit out as he thrust up, meeting his lover half-way, and matching Sasuke's plunging movements as he sank down screaming his name.

"Ah, Naruto…fuck!" Sasuke kept screaming out, gripping Naruto's thighs as he felt the man slam mercilessly into his prostate. His movements became irregular as all cognizance and control slipped from him.

He felt his world tilt wildly and crazily, before he realized Naruto had rolled them until their positions reversed. He arched up and clawed at his lover's back as Naruto's hips pistoned driving them both over the edge. Naruto felt Sasuke's body go rigid and watched his shatter, warm fluid splashing unto his abdomen, bringing his own screaming release.

Naruto collapsed unto Sasuke and both men lay there heaving; sweat and Sasuke's spend cooling between them. At length Naruto raised himself off Sasuke and looked down at his lover. The raven looked completely debauched and contented.

"…And I want pancakes too." Sasuke didn't know what Naruto was talking about. He focused on the bright blonde hair and blue eyes. _Pretty, _Sasuke decided. He gave a goofy lopsided smile as he reached for Naruto's hair- his IQ firmly in the negative zone.

Naruto smiled down at him. If Sasuke could see what he was like after making love, he'd probably kill himself out of embarrassment. After sex, Sasuke was as dumb as a rock and more useless than yelling at a deaf person.

"Come on, we are going to shower and then you are going to make me breakfast." Sasuke willingly agreed.

He liked to shower. Uchihas are clean people who like to shower. He was a Uchiha, therefore he liked to shower. This was the attempt of Sasuke's synapses to start firing again. He was also trying to remember why he liked showering with Naruto in particular. A few minutes later when he was leaning bonelessly against the shower wall, gripping Naruto's bobbing head and moaning helplessly, he remembered.

When Naruto had deemed Sasuke competent enough to be around fire and sharp objects, but still generally pliable, he had led him to the kitchen and left him his instructions. By the time Sasuke was himself again, he was folding the eggs over, careful to keep Naruto's favourite fillers from spilling out. He quickly wiped the stupid sated smile of his face and glared daggers at the blonde, whistling innocently on the couch while watching TV.

"What?" Naruto turned wide, innocent blue eyes on him as he flipped pancakes. _When the hell did he agree to pancakes?_

"Nothing…nothing at all." Sasuke ground out, fighting the urge to go over and flay the blonde. To argue would be to admit to the blonde's complete sexual dominance over him. Not to mention admitting that sex turned him into naught more than a drooling steamed vegetable. And it would be a cold day in hell before that happened. "I was just wondering what you were watching…"

"Dumb and Dumber…" Naruto caught the apple sent to annihilate him and he smiled sweetly. "Chouji and Ino are renewing their vows karaoke style at the BBQ house. We are cordially invited."

"Karaoke? I don't do Karaoke. Uchihas don't…"

"Oh put a sock in it… We're going!" The look on Sasuke's face reminded him that that approach only worked right after sex. "Fine, don't go…I'll just hang out with Sai all night."

Sasuke glared and fumed…Naruto smiled, knowing that on the day, Sasuke will 'suddenly' want to go.

As the two dug into their breakfast, Sasuke finally cooled down enough to speak.

"How are things going with Jiraiya-sama's funeral preparations?"

"Tsk, the funeral home says that we can leave the 'thumbs up' pose alone. They say it won't be that distracting. They say it will be difficult to chisel away that unholy grin off his face."

Jiraiya had died, as everyone suspected he would, in a brothel. By the time the young woman had realized that the man wasn't simply frozen in rapture, rigor mortis had taken over.

Sasuke grinned- now that was a way to go. "You've got to admit, dying in the saddle like that, got to be fun." Naruto snorted.

"Fun for you, not so fun for the saddle. The poor girl is going to need months probably years of therapy."

After the dishes were washed up, Naruto convinced Sasuke to watch TV with him and spend some time together before his shift started.

"What crap are you watching anyway?" Sasuke grudgingly let Naruto pull his head down into his lap and stroke his hair.

You know, he really should protest to this treatment. He wasn't some glorified lapdog or cat for Naruto to stroke and fondle whenever he felt like it. It was undignified, and he hated being sundignified. He immediately contradicted himself, almost purring when Naruto started massaging his scalp.

"They're 'punking' Demi Moore in this episode… hiding her glasses and putting everything just out of her reach. Call me crazy, but I think Ashton Kutcher is running out of ideas. Ooh, Pimp My Wheelchair is on next! I'm not sure adding hydraulics is such a good move though…" Sasuke rolled his eyes and focused on the feel of Naruto's fingers in his hair.

"I should probably check in at the Sound later. Juugo had another rage fit and destroyed the Xerox machine."

"Um, you can't. You promised to look after Chibi-Gai and Mai today until either Lee gets back from the tournament or Sakura's shift ends." Naruto braced himself.

"**I DID WHAT?! When and where in hell did I agree to do that?!**" Sasuke glared murder up at the placating face looking back at him.

"When: three days ago. Where: right here, well behind the couch actually. We had just…" Sasuke interrupted quickly. He knew what they had done. He seriously needed to figure out a way to stop Naruto from asking favours during and after sex.

"Haven't they heard of day-care?"

"Why pay strangers when you have good friends with all this free time."

"Then you all will blame me when I murder the little brats!"

"They're scared shitless of you! They'll be good! It's only for a few hours. Besides, you're overdue a good deed- you're karma's about to go all out of whack!"

"Bite me, you moron!" Sasuke grumbled as Naruto's fingers calmed him into sleep. He was going to need it for when Sakura and Lee's kids got there.

"Gladly, but I have work in a few hours. Oi bastard…"

"Wha-at?" Sasuke seethed, hovering on the brink of sleep.

"You know I love you right?" Sasuke snorted and said four more words before slumber took him.

"You damn well better…"

* * *

**A/N2: **Yatte!! I hope you enjoyed that little bonus! And this chapter is officially enormous!! I made you wait, so you guys deserved it. I didn't feel 'Role Play' was ready for a lemon yet, but I did feet I owed you one! Okay, so I was threatened with bodily injury…but I still wanted to write one. Tell me if you guys want chap.9, and please feel free tell me what you think so far. I live for feedback! Later! 


	9. Enter Sandman

**A/N: Love meh, **for I am back again. I apologise for the wait, but I'm home from school and I don't know when I'll be getting internet access. Until I do, postings may be a bit sporadic. Thanks for all the wonderful feedback. I am glad so many of you enjoyed the bonus in the last chapter. To reiterate, that bonus had nothing to do with the main story. Anyway- Onward to chapter 9!

Disclaimer/Info: I do not own or have any affiliation with any of the bands or songs mentioned in the chapter. The 'Lawn song' is a parody of the 'Thong song' and is sung to the same tune. It aired on a radio program. If you are too young to know the 'Thong song'; then you are too young to be reading this fic, you chibi-pervert! Yeah, I'm talking to you with the 'oh-no-she-didn't' expression and the Barbie dream house in the background! Does your momma know you're sitting there, rooting for hot, bishounen man-sex? I didn't think so! I will not be held responsible for the sexy corruption of your soul! Go on now!

Mood music: Metallica- 'Enter Sandman'

* * *

Gama-chan croaked to a stop the same time Sakura's Slug slid to a halt in the hospital's parking lot. Naruto and Sakura then jogged up to the hospital's entrance together.

"What's going on?" Naruto asked as he cast a worried gaze at Sakura.

"Don't know…got paged the same time you did, I guess. Are you okay? You look like you've been run over by a truck." Naruto grimaced.

"I'm pretty sure I have been. And I have a sinking feeling that the driver is about to fling it into reverse."

They pushed through the entrance and ran straight into Kabuto. Before they could ask, the spectacled man quickly provided the necessary information.

"Huge accident on the expressway, a trailer jack-knifed and then all hell broke loose. Multiple causalities and we're the closest hospital. It's going to be rough; the numbers keep climbing…" Naruto and Sakura both winced. "Tsunade-sama is calling in everyone she can."

"Are you kidding me, it's that bad?"

"Hey, when it rains shit, it floods. Grab some scrubs and dive in!" Kabuto replied wryly and the three pushed through the double doors into the emergency room.

--

It would be eight hours before Naruto and Sakura were able to the creep into the Residents' Bay, and collapse unto a couple of the single beds.

"I just want to go home and sleep until next week." Sakura muttered into her pillow, as she tensed and released the muscles in her shoulders.

"All the best with that plan… our shift officially starts in two and a half hours. And you know we are going to get paged at _least_ twice before then." Sakura looked over at her friend, and watched as he tiredly rubbed his face.

"Hey, so how did things go earlier…when you went over to Sasuke's? Did you guys come to a conclusion?" Naruto grimaced for the umpteenth time that day.

"Well, I came to a conclusion and I'm sure he came to a conclusion. I'm fairly certain that our conclusions aren't the least bit compatible. But that in itself is probably conclusive."

"What?"

"I'm tired and babbling. I'll tell you all about it later, Sakura-chan."

Naruto had been right on the money about being paged twice before their shift started. Sakura looked as if she had been run over by a train. She looked over at Naruto and glared. With a total of 45 minutes of sleep, Naruto could run a marathon. His stamina and recovery time were beyond annoying. One of the nurses, that wanted to test that legendary stamina, sauntered up.

"Uzumaki-sama…" The young woman exhaled his name. "…you have a patient waiting for you in room 8."

"Thank you, Hana." The nurse smiled as she playfully twisted her hair.

"No problem, doctor. Please let me know if there is anything _else_ I can do for you." Sakura rolled her eyes. She was surprised that the girl hadn't ripped her clothes off and tried to hump Naruto into submission.

Naruto allowed himself a smirk as he watched the girl walk away; her behind moving rhythmically under the smooth, white uniform. The nurse had looked back to ensure she had his attention, and proceeded to work her walk even more. Naruto's smirk was about to explode into a leer, when a punch almost broke his arm.

"Ow! Why are you hitting me?!"

"Stop leering like a perverted old man and get to work!" Sakura huffed and stomped off. Men…they were incorrigible.

Naruto pushed open the room door and gaped at the individual inside. "AAH, it's you!" Just as he was about to move towards the patient, an intern interrupted him.

The patient stopped meditating and opened calm green eyes. Watching Naruto steadily, the man allowed his shoulders to relax somewhat, keeping his arms crossed before him. He then slowly blinked- twice. You would have to know him, but this was his version of going wild with excitement.

Naruto finally finished with the nurse and launched himself at the still and silent young man. The latter braced, but could not avoid toppling backwards as Naruto glomped him.

"**GAARA!!**"

"Uzumaki Naruto…" Naruto seemed to remember Gaara's patient-status and quickly got off him, allowing the man to sit upright.

"My bad, my bad! I shouldn't do something like that until I know how you are! You okay, I didn't hurt you did I?" Naruto rubbed the back of his head and grinned before peering at his patient. Gaara allowed himself a small smile and shook his head.

"I am fine. I just came in for my usual check up. The council insists on it."

"Ah, I see. Well, let's get it out of the way then." Naruto equipped his stethoscope and proceed to sound his friend. "You know the drill."

Gaara grunted and began to breathe deeply. After a while Naruto spoke up again.

"You got any sleep?"

"Yeah and I needed it."

"Not a lot?"

"Just a little bit. Someone's always trying to keep me from it."

"That's a crying shame…"

"It's a royal pain in the neck." The insomniac agreed, as Naruto quickly finished up the examination.

"Are things going well in the Suna?"

"As well as can be expected… Are you coming back with me, this time?" Gaara asked succinctly.

"With the way things are going here, I just might!" Naruto said, hauling a chair up to the bed and plopping down.

Naruto could never figure out what it was about him that attracted the brooding, socially deviant, genius types. And they all had the same pattern too. They would abuse and insult him, _(or just stare at him intently, in Gaara's case)_ while they stuck to him like glue. Then in a completely random moment, go love-struck rapist on him. It was happening with Sasuke now, it had happened with Neji in college; and in high school- it had been Gaara.

* * *

Gaara was beyond the quintessential Goth kid. He transcended all the stereotypical standards. He was so Goth, he didn't even have to wear black or dye his hair; opting for earth tones and keeping his equally effective, rust-coloured hair. Rumours abounded as to what the large gourd he kept strapped to his back contained. The general consensus was that it held the ashes of all Gaara's victims.

Everyone was scared stiff of him, and for good reason. He had a violent temper that was liable to snap a moment's notice. One second he would be deadpan and emotionless; completely aloof in his silence. The next, he would be lashing out; easily levelling a classroom with almost inhuman strength, while having a rage fit. He also had a unique brand of sadism. Despite the boy's obvious emotional problems, no one dared say a word about it. Gaara was basically royalty.

When the rest of Japan ended the feudal era, one country retained the principles of the defunct government form. They held on to the concept of a daimyo; and continued the tradition of a single ruler- coming to power via a bloodline inheritance. The Wind Country, home of the Suna, held to one leader; despite the changes in the surrounding countries. Being one of the strongest military powers in Japan at the time, no one dared make fun of them for it. Gaara was the next in line as ruler; and despite attending school in Konoha, had the privilege of being above the laws of the Fire Country. While Gaara's father was aware of his son's emotional problems, he retained the right to be the sole person to punish Gaara for any infraction.

Naruto and Gaara paths had not crossed until a fateful gym session. Their coach had had the brilliant idea to play dodge-ball, one of the more pain filled 'sports' out there. Gaara had gotten a hold of the ball, and in a less than a minute, his randomly selected target was crumpled on the floor- clutching a bleeding and broken nose. Udon had complained to Konohamaru, who in turn, had complained to Naruto. Later, the blond had found his object of his fury on the roof of the school. Gaara had been mildly surprised when a fist propelled him a short distance, across the roof. He then found himself being straddled, threatened, and screamed at by a loud force of nature.

"What the hell is your problem, huh?!" Gaara, fortunately, had already worked off most of his violent energy. So instead of murdering Naruto, he had simply answered him. He told the other boy exactly what his problems were, to the best of his knowledge. He never had a problem answering questions, it was just that hardly anybody stopped long enough to ask any.

By the time Gaara was finished, Naruto was sitting on the roof beside him; listening in empathetic astonishment. They both found out how much they had in common: mothers who had died, cursing their existence; fathers who had marked them for life in unique ways; and mostly a profound sense of being alone. Their approaches to their life situations had been different, but they were coming from the same place.

"So, what exactly is in that gourd anyway?" Naruto asked at length; moving to lean against one of the water towers, as Gaara watched him warily.

"Sand from home; any good memories I have are from there…so I take some with me. Also, my mother's ashes are mixed in." Gaara was even more surprised that Naruto had not run screaming from the roof, after hearing that.

"Dude, isn't all that stuff heavy?" Naruto meant in more ways than one. "I mean, if you want some good memories; I guess you should just make new ones." Gaara had only blinked at him and wondered why he hadn't killed him yet. Naruto stood and extended a hand. "Come on…I'll help you." Gaara watched the outstretched hand for minute, trying to see the trick behind it. A moment later, he took it.

--

From that point on, Naruto appeared to surgically attach Gaara to his hip. Naruto's friends found themselves wondering if the hyperactive boy was worth the aggravation. Sasuke was bad enough- he was antisocial, condescending and brooding; but at least he wasn't a freaking psychopath. Well, not to their knowledge.

Lunches were particularly strained. Gaara's penetrating gaze would focus on one arbitrary person, reducing him or her to a nervous, blubbering wreck. Naruto had to put all his charm into hyper-drive; just to smooth things over. It took a while, but eventually, due in part to the dramatic reduction in rage fits, everyone started to warm up. Well everyone except one person.

Sasuke's displeasure at this new arrangement had known no bounds. It was bad enough that Naruto and Gaara had all the same timetable (Sasuke taking a few advanced classes), but now they were having sleepovers.

Naruto had let Gaara share his bed, since his futon was unfit for human use. Gaara had lain beside Naruto, closed his eyes and opened them to see his friend staring anxiously, and holding a mirror under his nose.

"What?" Gaara had inquired, wondering where all this light had suddenly come from. Naruto had sighed in relief.

"Dude, I thought you were dead! I was using this mirror to see if you were breathing."

"I slept?" That was the closest Gaara would ever come to sounding incredulous.

"I wouldn't say you slept; it was more like you slipped into a coma. You've been asleep for fourteen hours. I was afraid you had chosen my house to die… or hibernate."

Hence, the sleepovers became regular. Naruto told Sasuke he didn't mind it; he lived alone, so he loved the company. That Gaara chose to use him as a human teddy-bear; could not be helped. Sasuke's mood had deteriorated rapidly after that little confession.

Sasuke didn't register on Gaara's radar whatsoever. The latter did observe- that his friend had a strange relationship with the brooding, dark-haired boy- one that seemed to border on domestic abuse. Since Naruto appeared satisfied with it, Gaara paid it no mind. He only took an active interest after he witnessed an altercation. The dark-haired one had seemed even more abusive than usual; harsh by even Gaara's standards. He also saw that it had left Naruto markedly confused and distressed.

"I shall kill him for you." Gaara had later stated, as he attempted to down one of Naruto's instant ramen meals.

"Um, what?"

"The dark-haired one. I shall kill him for you. He is your friend, so it will be fairly clean. I will wait until he sleeps, fill his airways with wet sand, and watch him struggle for breath. When he awakes, I will then cut…"

"**Whoa**! You can't kill Sasuke!" Naruto flailed about, almost poking out an eye with a chopstick.

"There is no need for concern." Gaara continued tonelessly. "I have diplomatic immunity."

"Oh… well… I guess that's different then." Naruto slurped his noodles, as he appeared to mull things over. "**What am I doing**?! I don't want you to kill him!"

"Are you sure? I can make it painless. Well, comparatively painless."

"**Yes, I'm **_**sure**_. Hmm, diplomatic immunity though. That's pretty good to know…"

--

Gaara and Sasuke had never said a word to each other. This would have continued until the day Gaara left, were it not for just ten, fateful words. Sasuke had been waiting for Naruto, leaning against one of the trees at the front of the academy. Gaara had walked up, coming to a halt directly in front the darker boy.

"Uchiha Sasuke…" Gaara received a look that would have blasted a lesser person into the outer regions of the stratosphere. "Our friend- he loves me more than you."

And those ten, sincerely spoken words, precipitated one of the most epic fistfights the Konoha Academy would ever witness. It took two teachers and three upperclassmen to pull them apart. This was all to the background music of Sasuke's fangirls- screaming and bemoaning the bruising of his perfect face. Neither of the boys would tell Naruto what had happened.

--

It had not been long after the fight that Gaara's father had died; making him the new daimyo of the Wind Country. The night before Gaara was scheduled to leave; Naruto was awakened by wet, splotching noises against his window. Someone was flinging wet sand at it. Naruto had a fair idea who.

Opening his window, Naruto ducked to avoid getting hit with another sopping clod. The boy downstairs was swaying slightly.

"Hey Gaara, the key should be in its usual place. What are you doing out there?" It quickly became apparent that Gaara was, at the very least, stone-drunk.

"Uzumaki Naruto…" Gaara slurred, raised a finger and pointed to the general area- somewhere to Naruto's left. "There are things to be said!"

Naruto watched in fascination, as the other boy inhaled and opened his mouth. Then, out of the depths of Gaara's soul, spewed forth some of the most god-awful poetry- ever to abuse an innocent man's ears. Naruto struggled to keep a straight face as phrases such as- 'eyes as blue as toilet water', came forth. The serenade became increasingly macabre as Gaara lovingly mentioned: mangled limbs, suicide pacts, desert coffins and funerals. And that was just from the prepared material. You didn't want to hear what was said once Gaara started ad-libbing. At length, one of Naruto's neighbours chimed in.

"**For the love of mercy and decency, man! Are you insane?! What are you, some kind of serial killer? My kids are pissing their beds in terror over here! Shut up, before I call the police!**" Gaara, as anyone would be, was very sensitive at this point. Hence, he was affronted by the lack of appreciation for his heartfelt and artistic confession.

"You have no taste, and for that you will _**die**_! Tell me your name! I am adding you to my list!"

Gaara wasn't joking, he did have a list. From the original he had then, only one name is still present on the list he has now. But it is only a matter of time before he gets that singing, dancing, purple freak of a dinosaur. Yeah, you know who you are... … … Barney. (1)

* * *

As Naruto finished his examination of Gaara, Ino spotted them through the glass window and called Sakura over.

"Hey, isn't that Gaara?" Sakura peeked in, and nodded.

"That's him all right…he's still rocking that eye-shadow. Sleep rings, my ass."

"Wow, he has gotten even hotter since high school. The 'no-eyebrows' thing kind of works for him..." Ino said dreamily.

"Ino, you're a married woman!"

"So what? The ring's on my finger, not on my eyes." Rin and a nurse came up and joined in the conversation.

"Is it 'ogle-at-Naruto' time already? Hey, who's the tattooed hottie?" Rin asked as she sipped on a soda.

"An old high-school friend; who also happens to be the daimyo of Wind Country."

"Get out! _That's_ Gaara of the Desert? I thought he'd be older, and more cranky-looking. Is he single?" Another nurse chimed in.

"Yes, but good luck with that. He probably has '_property of Naruto_', stamped all over his nether regions." Sakura stated dryly.

"Oh come on- him too?! What is it with these guys? Is a vagina really that terrifying?" Rin stated exasperatedly.

"Heh no, it's the Naruto-fever babe, no one is immune." Ino giggled as Rin rolled her eyes and shrugged her agreement.

Gaara looked up from Naruto to see the gathering of women, whispering, giggling and staring at them.

"We have an audience." Naruto looked back at the window, grinned and waved. All the women, except Sakura and Ino, flushed and quickly scattered.

"That always happens when I stay in one place too long." Naruto shrugged apologetically at his friend.

"Popular you have become, Naruto."

"Do you realize, that every once in a while, you start talking like Yoda?" Gaara shrugged.

"Kankuro has pointed that out to me. I can't help it."

--

Sakura and Ino were still outside when Temari walked up. "Sakura, Ino…"

"Temari! I was wondering where you were" Temari sighed.

"You know, it's bad enough that Konoha is renowned for its medical prowess. Can you imagine how demoralizing it is for our doctors, that the daimyo travels all the way here for a check-up? It's not like I can say 'cheer up guys, it's not you. He just wants to get felt up by his high-school crush!" Ino and Sakura smiled sympathetically.

"Oi where is Shikamaru? He hasn't spoken to Chouji in about four days now."

Temari sighed again. "He's been…busy."

"Busy? Doing what?!" Ino and Sakura asked together in astonishment.

"Well…"

* * *

Shikamaru sighed and slid down further into his chair. Around him, several other men were lounging about in similar poses as they all waited.

'_Troublesome'_ Shikamaru thought as he stared at the clouds, which were ironically painted unto the ceiling. A moment later, a young man bounded in- a ball of energy reminiscent of a certain blond friend.

"Hi everybody! And welcome to the Society for the Apathetic, Lazy and Disinterested- or simply, welcome to SALAD!"

Shikamaru rolled his eyes and continued staring at ceiling.

"Today we have a new member! Nara Shikamaru-san! Let's give him a huge welcome!" Shikamaru guessed that the grumbling sounds and general murmuring, were what passed as a warm welcome in a group like SALAD.

"He is a certified genius, _and_ the reigning world champion of Shougi!" The 'genius' part didn't stir much enthusiasm, but the 'world champion' title caught everyone's attention.

"You're a world champion at something?" One bored-looking man spoke up. "Don't you have to, like, do stuff, to become a world champion?"

"Not really…" Shikamaru replied. "I usually figure out all the moves within the first two minutes of a match. After that, I take the maximum amount of time to move. Not only does it drive my opponent crazy; it guarantees rest while playing."

Now _that_ impressed the crowd. The group leader quickly took back the session. Only a fraction of the scheduled class ever showed up. They were all married men, whose wives nagged them until they came.

"Well, since Nara-san is the newest member, he gets to go first in the session. Nara-san, just what is it that brings you to partake of SALAD?"

Shikamaru sighed and answered. "The lawn…"

Shikamaru quickly realized he was truly among his people; from the understanding looks he received from all the members. The group-leader, however, was confused by the two-word answer.

"The lawn?" Shikamaru was irritated- now he would have to explain a self-evident thing.

"Well, it's like this…" _Cue the thong song music!_

Shikamaru:  
The grass is long, it looks a mess. And though I gotta mow it, I can't handle it.  
See, I'm about as lazy as you can get! And I don't feel like working up a sweat.  
You push and you push, and you push a lot. And the next thing you know, the afternoon is shot!  
Ugh, I'd rather be just popping a top; and I don't mean on a can of soda! _(Hassled!husbands murmur their agreement)  
_It's just a drag, drag, drag! First you do the front, then you do the back!  
My wife nags; to have me mow that La-wn!

Hassled!Husbands _(mimicking their wives, in perfect acapella):  
"Get up off your butt, and do lawn. Get up off your fanny, and do that lawn!_

Shikamaru/ Harried!husbands:  
OH PLEASE!/ I don't really want to mow- that lawn, la-lawn, lawn-lawn.  
Can't I let the grass grow? Or maybe pay someone to…/ "_Noooooooooo!!"  
_So to SALAD then, I had to go… or mow the lawn, la-lawn lawn-lawn.

The group leader watched slack-jawed as the men slumped- exhausted after their impromptu karaoke session. _What the hell just happened?_

"And that's what he's doing…" Temari finished as Ino and Sakura stared at her, bug-eyed.

"SALAD?!"

"Don't ask, okay! I was desperate. The only things Shikamaru is interested in, are Shougi and sex!"

--

Back in the examination room, Naruto caught sight of his watch and frowned.

"You have to go?"

"Yeah, I have six hours of clinic duty to work off, before I leave. You aren't heading back to the Suna now, are you? I could meet up with you later; and then take tomorrow off and hang with you. I'll show you all the new stuff you've missed!"

"Fine then. I will wait for you." Gaara said concisely, purposely using a double entendre. Naruto just grinned and headed out.

* * *

Sasuke watched the bubbling liquid before him; eyes gleaming as the last added ingredient, swirled and dissolved. He eyed the yellowed, crumpled parchment the old woman had given him. It outlined all his instructions and he made sure to follow them to the letter.

_This had better work. It has to work…_

Finally, the last ingredient was thrown in; and the correct amount of time had elapsed. Sasuke spooned the blood-red liquid into a container and stared at it. A few residual bubbles, rose and popped at the surface. _That old woman had better be right._

Exhaling in a huff, Sasuke steeled himself and prepared to drink. _It's worth it… I have to try._

Cautiously, he took a sip and waited. He took another and another, until at length, the container was empty. _Hmm, interesting…_

Her tomato soup recipe _**was**_better than the Uchiha family's secret recipe. Good thing he had bought it. Now, he was ready for the next family reunion.

But enough of delicious and nourishing meals! Now it's on to getting Naruto.

* * *

Additional Disclaimer: The views expressed by Gaara, are not necessarily the views of the author. In fact, she goes as far as to say- that she has nothing but love, for the singing, dancing, purple freak of a dinosaur!  
Gaara: WHAT! _**YOU**_ made me say it!  
Additional Disclaimer: The author has absolutely no recollection of any events, as described above.  
Gaara: You're a goddamn hypocritical sell-out!  
KK: Bite me, beach boy! You're fictional! If _**I**_ get sued, there wouldn't be enough sand in the Suna, to cover my ass!

**A/N: **Before you NaruSasuNaru shippers get huffy: No, I'm not putting in any Gaara/Naruto action. This was the last of my indulgencies as they concern bringing in the other canon characters. I just had to bring in my baby! Kawaii, sexy Gaara-chan! _(Huggles him, receives a death glare and gets sand in her clothes)._ So if you are a Gaara-fan, this chapter was for you! And I had to bring in everybody's favourite genius too! Well, that pretty much covers everybody _**I **_give a hoot about… including those who only got transient mentions; like Sai and Kakashi.So no more of that, and I will be completely focusing on our favourite rivals and their relationship. Hot man-sex? Eh, who knows?  
Speaking of which, for those complaining about the lack of man-loving in this chapter…well…I honestly didn't see a decent opportunity to pen one in. Besides, that bonus in the last chapter should still be tiding you over, right? _(Someone revs a chainsaw. O.O;)_ I intend to write chapter 10. This presumption on my part, is for no other reason, but the fact that I hate odd numbers (except for multiples of 5). I could have stopped at a '3' or a '7', but to end at a '9' would kill me. At the end of chapter 10, you will once again be the decision-makers as to whether or not I continue.  
I really hope you enjoyed this post- the NaruSasu picks up exponentially from here, I promise.

However, for the time being, I'm going to have to leave my house, take a taxi, get into town, find an ISP; _**then**_ pay to use the net- just to post these chapters. No, I'm not kidding- I wish I were. You know what means? I am going to need motivation to get my butt moving…like seriously _(wibbles for reviews)_. Love you all! Until next time!


	10. The Deal

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. I don't own anything, not even myself... Great now I am depressed. 

**A/N: Love meh,** for I am back again. For those who actually tolerate my author's notes- a few items of business.  
- I've got another Beta! So I have Adi; and now my best friend, Mayz, has informed me that she will beta my stories, and I have no choice in the matter! Whoot!  
- I have tentatively set the conclusion of this story for Chapter 12. Just in time too- I just got my first complaint/comment that I was dragging the story out. I am not doing that, I swear! (Big, innocent eyes).  
- Finally, my country was hit by a Hurricane (not Naruto, unfortunately). Took a while to get back power, water and all the good stuff. Since I had no power, I couldn't do any work, so I am even further behind schedule. My internet access problems remain, and I haven't figured out a practical and inexpensive solution yet.

Mood Music: Counting Crows- 'Accidentally in love'

* * *

Naruto sat in the TV room, using the hour before clinic duty to rest and relax. He was in his twenty-sixth hour of being on-call. Being tired he could deal with; being tired and tormented by thoughts of Sasuke- now that was an entirely different level. For the past few hours, he could have sworn he had seen Sasuke at least fifteen times. This preoccupation was starting to make him nervous. Plus he was worried about what his friend was plotting; Naruto _knew_ he was plotting something. Only Kami-sama knows who Sasuke had roped into helping him too. So on top of everything else, Naruto was paranoid.

_You can't stop thinking about me, can you dobe?_ Sasuke's smirking face floated before him, and Naruto stuck his tongue out at the apparition. Needing a distraction and being too wired to sleep, Naruto picked up the remote and turned on the stereo.

_…'What's the problem, baby?' What's the problem? I don't know… well maybe I'm in love.  
Love?! Think about it, every time I think about it; can't stop thinking 'bout it.  
How much longer will it take to cure this? Just to cure it, cuz I can't ignore it, if its love!  
Love! Makes me wanna turn around and face me; but I don't know nothing 'bout love! _

They had to be kidding. Snorting to himself, Naruto raised the remote._ –Click-_

_When the truth is found to be lies! And all the joy within you dies!  
Don't you want somebody to love? Don't you need somebody to love?  
Wouldn't you love somebody to love? You better find somebody to love!  
_

_-Click-_

'This is KK3X radio station- on air, all day and all night! **OW!!** We have a brand new release from the 'Sound Village', with DJ Starlight and his fresh new single: 'You know you want me, you blond moron- stop being so difficult!"

Naruto's jaw dropped. He quickly turned off the radio as the singer started to recount his tale of a friend- who refused to admit to there was something much deeper than mere friendship between them. Now Sasuke was using his talent-challenged underlings to broadcast his intentions all over the airwaves. It was official; Naruto had opened and entered the sixth gate of hell. The entire music industry was conspiring against him. Of course he'd expect it from Sasuke, but did everyone have to get in on it?

Huffing, Naruto leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. He focused, and started to meditate on all things _NOT_ Sasuke.

"Oooh Uzumaki-sama is so dreamy when he is troubled. (_Squeal_) I want nothing more than to go in and smooth away his cares!"

"(_Squeal_) Me too! Oh, but you don't think he's thinking about a girl, do you?!"

"**No way!** Uzumaki-sama is undoubtedly worried about a patient because he is sensitive and feels deeply for anyone who suffers!" And then there was more squealing.

Sakura rolled her eyes as she observed the three nurses. The young women were squatting down, peeking over the window, as they spied on Naruto. Sakura walked pass them and headed into the room. Feeling evil, Sakura dropped unceremoniously into Naruto's lap and cuddled him. She grinned into Naruto's chest as she heard shocked, indignant exclamations and the retreat of the livid nurses.

Naruto felt a familiar weight settle on him; he barely cracked one eye open and received a blast of pink. He closed his eye again and spoke.

"Why are you so mean to my fan-girls? You know Uzumaki-sama needs his fan-girls!"

"Oh Uzumaki-sama, it's because you're sooo hawt! I must have you to myself!" Sakura giggled as Naruto snorted rudely at her response. "Our shift ends in another few minutes. Are you heading straight home?"

"Nope, I am finishing my clinic hours for the week. I want tomorrow free. I promised Gaara I'd hang with him."

"Ehh! We've both been working non-stop for over a day now! Are you sure you can manage the clinic after this?!"

"Don't worry about it… I feel great. I got a little sleep here and there. It's fine, really!" Sakura sighed.

"There's no avoiding it. I'll help you finish your hours, so you'll get out of here in half the time." She gave him a look that ended all thoughts of protest.

They stood before the double doors leading to the clinic and sighed. All the freaks came to the clinic, mixed in thoroughly with the normal people. Plus it was night; things always became exponentially weirder at night. Taking one last steadying breath, Naruto and Sakura strode into the firestorm.

* * *

_Patient 1_

Naruto eyed the clipboard as he walked into the room. The test results were conclusive, it was just a matter of informing the patient. The doctor was intensely surprised to see a group of nuns staring at him expectantly.

"Err, Tanaka Rei-san?" A young nun, seated on the bed, waved at him. Naruto looked back at his clipboard, then back at the nuns, then back at the clipboard again. "Umm, Tanaka-san, I have your test results."

An elderly sister spoke up. "Is everything alright, Doctor? We have been worried sick about Sister Tanaka. We were so shocked when she collapsed! And she was throwing up all day before that! Young Father Fong is extremely worried about her; we want to report to him quickly!" Naruto quirked an eyebrow...

"Father Fong…?" The young nun was staring at the ceiling with great interest. The elder nun nodded her head.

"Oh yes! They work closely together. Sometimes they'd be locked in his office for hours, just praying." The old nun beamed with pride, as the patient focussed on another interesting ceiling tile.

"Praying, huh… Ladies, could you excuse us for a moment?"

"Why? Is there something wrong?!" Naruto waved his hands as the nuns became agitated.

"No, no! it's just, umm, hospital policy to… uh… discuss things with the patient, privately…or something like that." Despite his pathetic lying skills; Naruto managed to get the nuns out. He finally turned to his patient. "So, biblically speaking- I'd say that thou art with child…"

The young nun huffed, and crossed her arms before her. This was done in a manner which could only be described as supreme annoyance. She then remembered that she wasn't alone. She turned to her doctor, and tried to summon her best shocked expression.

"But that is impossible…" The girl spoke haltingly and robotically. Obviously, this girl was never going to win an Oscar. "…for I have never been with a man." Naruto clicked his tongue, nodded, headed over to the window and peered out. "What are you doing?" The young nun asked with interest.

"I am not really versed on Christian doctrine, since I'm Shinto; but virgin births are a huge deal in any religion. I do recall that the last time this happened for you people _major_ stuff went down. I'm looking for a star in the east… none yet but the sun will come up tomorrow. Does that count?" The young woman narrowed her eyes and gave him an appreciable glare. Naruto continued regardless. "No wise men. However, there's a pizza delivery man, some guy with flowers and an EMT with an organ in a cooler. So I guess they come bearing gifts?"

"You don't have to be so sarcastic about it!" The girl stated, tossing her head testily.

"You're a pregnant nun! This situation begs for sarcasm."

"Look…Catholics have a rule against using protection! What did you want me to do?!"

"You're a nun! You're not supposed to be getting any! It's in the name, see- nun equals none. Nun-none!"

"My parents said it was either the convent or the army. And how many nuns get shot down over enemy waters?!'

"Ah touché. Well…do you have any idea what you're going to do?" The girl appeared to think for a while.

"Hey, do you think they'd buy a _second_ virgin birth?" Naruto smacked his face with his clipboard.  
--

_Patient 2_

"So Ranma-san…" Sakura said, looking at the young man before her. "…what seems to be the problem?"

"It's like this; when someone throws cold water on me- I turn into a girl. When it's hot water- I turn back into a guy. It's really starting to confuse and piss me off. It's really inconvenient too! For instance, there's this guy; he's is in love with the girl me but hates and is trying to kill the guy me. You see my problem?! What should I do?"  
Sakura stared at the agitated man for a moment.

"Okay, so I'm just going to go ahead and refer this one to psychiatry."  
--

_Patient 3_  
There was the scent of singed hair filling the room. Smoke wafted off the young man's skin and his hair stood stiffly on end. His eye twitched uncontrollably and ever so often, a strong spasm rocked his body.

Naruto surveyed the scene before him placidly. Struggling to keep his face straight and calling on his sense of professionalism- he asked the obvious question.

"Space Invader?"

Kiba had to wait until the last electrical shock passed through his system. "Space Invader…" He affirmed.

Behind Kiba, a beet-red Hinata was trying desperately to sink into the wall.  
--

_Patient 4_

Sakura's patience was running short with the man before her. The chart said 'groin injury' but this man was refusing to do the requisite show-and-tell. For the last ten minutes, Sakura had been trying to get the man to open up- literally and figuratively. It had all been in vain.

"Sir, your obvious reluctance is more than likely due to one of two reasons. You may be unwilling because I'm a woman and you fear the effect the sight will have on me. Or you maybe embarrassed about your injury and/or your penis size. If it is the first reason; let me hasten to assure you that yours wouldn't even be the first penis I have seen in the last hour, let alone today, this week or the course of my career. While I don't want to brag, I must say the restraint I've shown, as it concerns molesting anyone, has been near legendary. So you don't have to worry.

Now, if it is embarrassment about your condition of your 'special friend'. I _am_ a doctor and very few injuries could possibly surprise me- if any! And as I have said before- I have seen a quite a few penises. I have seen tiny ones, huge ones, limp, hard, bald, hairy, straight, crooked, shy and frisky ones. I've also seen more than my fair share of dead ones. Now unless you want yours to fall into the last category, _you will drop your damned pants!_"

The man let out a small 'eep', before his hands dived for his belt buckle. His pants fell and a moment later, so did his boxers.

"OH MY GOD! WHAT DID YOU DO?!" Sakura exclaimed, as the startled man quickly moved to cover himself with his hands.

"WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?!" the man yelled, his face paling.

"BECAUSE I'M COMPLETELY SHOCKED!" Sakura yelled back, still too surprised to adjust her volume to acceptable levels.

"YOU SAID NOTHING COULD POSSIBLY SURPRISE YOU ANYMORE!!" He knocked his knees together as he continued to cover up.

"OBVIOUSLY I WAS WRONG!!"

"STOP YELLING AT ME…YOU'RE SCARY!!" Recovering her composure, Sakura abruptly dropped her volume and attempted to calm the freaked man.

"I'm sorry…I'm so sorry! It's been a long day. Its fine, its fine. Wha-What happened… down there?"

The man eyed Sakura suspiciously but allowed the pink-haired medic to calm him down.

Finally, he was coaxed into an explanation, as his embarrassing examination commenced.

"Well, it's me and my girlfriend's six-month anniversary, and I wanted to do something special. So…I decided to tattoo her name unto Mr. Feel-good." Sakura's quashed laugh came out as a snort which she deftly covered with a few coughs. "But after a few hours, the pain only got worse and it started swelling up- and not in a good way. And after a while, it looked like this…"

'This'- referred to the black, blue, and purplish-red monstrosity before her. Sakura frowned and stood quickly. She ordered some broad-spectrum antibiotics and scheduled blood-tests.

"Just off what I see here, I am guessing those tattoo needles were dirty. You've got one hell of an infection. Dirty needles are vectors for a lot of different diseases too, including STDs. I'm going to have to admit you, until a more define course of treatment is determined."

"I'm…I'm not going to lose Mr. Feel-Good, am I?" Sakura hid her smile by coughing again.

"I doubt it. In any event, we'll try our best to make him feel good again."  
--

_Patient X_

Naruto rifled through the medicine cupboard, taking down some tongue-depressors and alcohol preps. He was still searching for cotton swabs when his next patient entered the room.

"Yamaguchi-san, please have a seat on the bed. I'll be right with you." Naruto closed the cupboard, the mirrored door revealing the patient behind him. "**AAAH!!**"  
Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Don't you think you're being just a tad melodramatic?"  
Naruto turned and glared at Sasuke accusingly. The Uchiha leaned placidly against the bed and watched his friend sputter.

"You! What are _you_ doing here?! What have you done with Yama…there is no Yamaguchi-san, is there?" Sasuke smirked and shrugged.

Naruto picked up his clipboard and strode towards the door.

"Where do you think you're going?" Sasuke asked with genuine curiosity. Naruto paused, a hand on the handle of the door.

"**I** still have clinic duty, and there are _genuine_ patients to attend to. So if you'll excuse me." Granted, it was only fifteen more minutes before his duty ended, but Sasuke didn't need to know that.

"I'm a complaining patient and you can't leave without examining me."

"Wanna bet?" Naruto started opening the door.

"Walking out without checking a patient…does your hospital insurance cover that?" Naruto paused and stiffened.

"You wouldn't…"

"Tsunade-sama would have your balls if you caused trouble for this hospital."

Naruto didn't know if he could put it past Sasuke, _not_ to sue the hospital over factitious injuries. And Tsunade _would_ have his balls. Naruto liked his balls…he was very attached to them. Still, that would be low…even for Sasuke. Suddenly, memories of the news report, showing a sobbing Orochimaru being carted away from the Sound Village, cursing Sasuke and the hell-hounds that bore him came back to Naruto. Still…

"Besides, you have to treat me…it's in your hypocrite oath!" A vein in Naruto's temple bulged.

"It's the Hippocratic Oath, you jackass! You and I both know there isn't anything wrong with you! Physically anyway…"

"I have my lawyers on speed dial. Give me a second." Sasuke searched through his jacket for his cell phone, while Naruto gripped the door handle even more tightly.

"Fine Sasuke, fine! What exactly is your 'complaint'?"

"I hurt… here, here and here!" Sasuke turned innocent eyes on Naruto, as he pointed to his head, chest and groin. Naruto's eyebrow threatened to jerk right off his face.

"I see. I'm going to blame the 'chest pain' on heartburn. In that case… don't eat spicy food, put some ice on your crotch, take two aspirins and call someone _else_ in the morning."

Sasuke immediately clutched his chest and initiated the worst piece of acting Naruto had seen since the nun left.

"Oh the pain, oh the agony." Sasuke said in a flat monotone. "Oh the indescribable, PG-13 horror. I feel litigation coming on…"

The vein in Naruto's head threatened to explode.

"If it is a catastrophic cardiac episode you are currently attempting to fake… might I remind you, that your heart is on the _other_ side of your chest?"

Sasuke blinked for a moment, and deliberately dropped his left hand. He then proceeded to clutch his chest with his right, and resumed his monotonous moaning. Naruto threw his hands up, and asked Kami-sama what he did to deserve this.

Stomping over to the infuriating bastard, Naruto came to a halt before him. Glaring earnestly; Naruto tried desperately to think of a way to examine Sasuke, without actually having to touch him. In the meanwhile, he thought it prudent to back away, until he was at least a little over an arm's length away from his friend. Given the smug smirk and the veritably starved look in Sasuke's eyes- Naruto determined that the distance wasn't nearly enough. In fact, Japan suddenly felt far too small. Maybe be should run off to America and become a Kung-fu master.

Sasuke's smirk hitched a little higher as he watched Naruto unconsciously continue to back away. If the blond retreated any further, they'd have to communicate via smoke signals. Testing his powers, Sasuke stuck his tongue out a little and slowly wetted his lower lip. Naruto's eyes darkened a bit as he watched the slow passage of pink across Sasuke's lips. Pulling his tongue back in, Sasuke's hitched his smirk even higher.

_Gotcha!_

Realizing what just happened and that he was another step away from backing into the wall, Naruto halted his retreat. Then he unveiled the biggest, most terrifying glare he had in his arsenal; just to show that he meant business.

It was painfully obvious to Sasuke that Naruto didn't have a drop of Uchiha blood anywhere in his lineage. He couldn't glare for shit. Naruto's 'worst' only managed to make him look like a petulant child with a headache. The smirk, once again, hitched a little higher. Any more and Sasuke's face would become so lopsided, it would fold over onto itself.

Judging from the unholy glee emanating from Sasuke, Naruto guessed that his glaring wasn't having much effect. Plus his face was starting to hurt- how Sasuke did this almost perpetually, he would never understand.

"What is the matter with you?! Why are you being so difficult?" Naruto asked in exasperation- once again coming to a pause before Sasuke.

"Eh? That's my line! You're the one being impossible here!"

"Why can't you accept my reasoning?"

"Because your 'reasoning' is ridiculous and moronic!" Sasuke saw Naruto's irritation harden into chilly anger. Okay, maybe calling it 'ridiculous and moronic' was a bad move.

"What part of 'I don't want to be with you because I don't think it's worth it' slipped by you? Aren't you supposed to be the smart one?" Naruto pulled up his chair and sat, feeling unbelievably tired. He put his clipboard aside, closed his eyes and started massaging his temples.

"Why the hell wouldn't it be worth it? Aren't you Disney-watching, bleeding-heart types always talking about relationships and feelings and how it is better to have loved than not all, or something like that?" Sasuke waited on a response but Naruto was still rubbing his temples and… _was he humming_? Sasuke continued suspiciously, positive the blond was ignoring him and deciding to test his theory. "Yes, so then… did I ever tell you that thong underwear makes me feel pretty?"

Naruto responded by dropping his hands from his temples, and leaning back in his chair, snoring softly.

"Usurantonkachi…" Sasuke used a foot to tilt Naruto's chair backwards. Blue eyes flew open as Naruto felt himself going. He flailed wildly for a moment before the inevitable crash. "Listen to me when I'm talking to you, dobe!"

Naruto got up, righted his chair and sat back down again, beyond the reach of Sasuke's foot. There was an underlying threat of him going right back to sleep- just to piss the Uchiha off.

"I was having a weird dream. I was banging my head against a brick wall that had the Uchiha symbol stamped all over it. I wonder what that meant." Sasuke ignored the bait.

"Besides, isn't it all about bonds with you, Naruto?" Naruto ran a hand through his hair.

"Throwing my words back in my face isn't going to win you the war, Sasuke."

"Well then, I'll just do what you always do; when all else fails, annoy into submission." Naruto lifted a brow and gazed at Sasuke steadily.

"Why are you here, Sasuke?"

The question irked Sasuke; how many times did he have to repeat himself?

"I told you- I think we should be together. Because of…you know- the whole love thing." Naruto rolled his eyes.

"Your romantic eloquence moves me, Casanova. You know, until a week ago, I could count the number of times you've ever said the 'L' word on one hand. Now you can't seem to make it through a sentence without it."

Sasuke stiffened and his dark eyes went glacial. This announced the arrival of affronted!Sasuke. "You're making a joke out of this…"

"I'm not making fun of you, Sasuke. Trust me; none of this drama amuses me. I just wish you could see things from my point of view." An idea appeared to take root, and Naruto looked curiously at Sasuke. "You know why you're here? It's not because you suddenly realized that we're soul mates or anything like that. You're here, because your dick has graduated from simply taking an active interest, to actually running the show!"

"**WHAT?!**" Sasuke fairly screeched, heralding the switch to righteously-indignant-and-somewhat-mortified!Sasuke. All that was missing was the Uchiha saying 'I beg your pardon' with a British accent.

Before Sasuke could build up enough steam to properly 'get his angry on'; Naruto was leaning over him, warm breath ghosting over Sasuke's ear as he spoke.

"You don't love me, Sasuke. You think you do- but you don't."

Before he got a chance to protest, Sasuke's breath was cut off by Naruto pressing his lips against his. His response was immediate; opening his mouth to let Naruto's tongue slide against his and moving to press into the enticing warmth. Breathless, Naruto broke the kiss and went back to whispering in Sasuke's ear.

"You've got an itch to scratch, Sasuke. What you really want is this…" Naruto elicited a groan from Sasuke, as he slipped a hand down to give rub firmly against his friend's covered erection. "We've got a weird relationship, Sasuke. It's messy and intense and we get way too tangled up in each other…" Sasuke's head swam as Naruto continued rubbing.

His breath hitched when he felt a tongue swipe against his earlobe. "So I understand how you got it confused; but all you really want from me…is to scratch that itch." And with that epithet, Naruto moved once again, to capture Sasuke's eager lips with his own.

Naruto, of course, had no way of knowing how Sasuke's brain handled sexual arousal. From the moment Naruto made physical contact, words stopped making any sense whatsoever to him. Had Sasuke's synapses been firing at a reasonable rate, he would have known that this was the time to stop and correct Naruto's gross misunderstanding of the situation. At this point he would have endeavoured to and possibly succeeded in, clarifying and proving the existence and sincerity of his finer, tender feelings towards his friend; beating it into him if necessary.

Unfortunately for both involved, Sasuke's brain had dumped all thought and cognition processes. It opted to focus on sending blood to its owner's lower regions and on finally completing the mating act with the elusive, blue-eyed quarry. It was understandably frustrated when Naruto pulled away again.

"I'll make you a deal, Sasuke…" Naruto held Sasuke's chin, establishing eye contact as to ensure there was no misunderstanding. "I'll give you what you want. I'll scratch that itch, as often as you want, whenever you want; until your curiosity is finally satisfied. Isn't that what you really want?" Naruto asked sincerely, praying Sasuke would prove him wrong. "Then you'll stop this obsessive behaviour of yours…"

Sasuke got the general idea that Naruto wanted something from him. The beautiful blue eyes were questioning, hopeful, and filled with dread, all at the same time. Sasuke slowly nodded. If Naruto was asking him for something, surely he wanted a positive answer. 'Yes' was good thing… people always wanted to hear 'yes'. Sasuke, himself was very fond of that word. So he told Naruto 'yes', he wanted to do nothing but tell Naruto 'yes', for the rest of his life. He had done a good thing, so why did Naruto look so sad?

"Fine then. I'm guessing it will be a little awkward for us, when you decide to end it. But we'll find our rhythm again and get back to normal. We always do…right?" Naruto wasn't about to do this, just to get dumped as a lover and a friend in one fell swoop. He relaxed slightly when Sasuke nodded again. His friend had a lot of faults, but lying wasn't one of them.

Naruto stared at Sasuke a while longer. He observed his friend's ragged, uneven breathing; his flushed that stained his skin and his dilated pupils. All the physical signs spoke volumes to him. He had hoped Sasuke would have turned him down; told him to take his deal and shove it- taking it as an affront to his authenticity of feelings.

Instead, the worst of his doubts were proven correct. He was expecting it, but it still felt as if someone had kicked him in the chest. But all that will have to be put aside- he had an itch to scratch.

Sasuke's eyes slowly closed as Naruto's lips trailed his jaw line, and warm fingers cupped his cheek. He shifted slightly to accommodate Naruto, as the blond pushed his jacket off. Naruto sighed as he started sucking on Sasuke's earlobe. If anything, the bastard tasted good. Everything about this, felt good and right- which made the irony of this awful situation that much more pronounced.

Impatience with the slow build of things annoyed Sasuke. He twisted his fingers firmly into Naruto's hair, and yanked the man's lips to meet his. The kiss deepened, becoming fast and devouring as each tried to taste and touch as much of each other as he could. Sasuke's small, muffled sounds of pleasure and satisfaction drove Naruto on, as he bit and sucked at his friend's lips and pushed a hand beneath Sasuke's shirt.

Sasuke had wasted no time in relieving Naruto of his stethoscope, and was in the process pushing off the doctor's white coat. With no buttons, zippers or need to break contact as hindrances, the garment complied readily enough. Naruto tossed it on the bed behind Sasuke, keeping the man pressed against him.

Acknowledging the mutual need for air, Naruto broke the kiss and moved to tease Sasuke's ears.

"You want this right? This is what you're after…" Naruto punctuated his query by pulling off Sasuke's belt. A moment later, Sasuke was panting as Naruto's hand slid down his length; ruffling the short, curly hairs that rode low on his abdomen.

"I'm giving you what you need, right Sasuke? I'll make it good for you…" Naruto hadn't pulled down Sasuke's pants but despite the small restriction, the strokes came faster and harder. Mindless, Sasuke thrust into the hot fist repeatedly; one hand gripping the bedding behind him, the other fisting his lover's hair.

"Is this how you want me, Sasuke? There's still time to stop…" The word 'stop', spoken in Naruto's husky, soft tones, stirred Sasuke to speech.

"Don't stop…" It was a simple and final command; and despite its clarity, all activity did halt for a moment.

Naruto rested his head in the crook of Sasuke's neck; feeling completely drained and adrift. Sasuke was the only person on earth, who could make him feel this exhausted and miserable. Before long though, Sasuke was tugging at his hair and Naruto stirred himself to action.

The kissing resumed with Naruto fighting the urge to make it hard and punishing. Naruto did a quick mental inventory of the medicine cabinet in the room, deciding what the best lubricant would be. He would have to break from Sasuke in a moment to get it. In the mean time the frenetic pace of the kiss grew.

"Naruto! Are you hungry? We want to go to…" Sakura and Ino came to a dead stop, gaping as Naruto jumped away from Sasuke.

A moment of shocked silence later, Sakura was busy dissolving into a puddle of apologetic goo.

"I am so sorry Naruto, Sasuke-kun! I didn't know….I thought… I'm sorry! I'm sorry"  
Sakura gave nervous, penitent bows with each flustered apology. Ino, on the other hand, had no such guilt issues. She leered unabashedly at the two men, taking in their varied states of undress. She was a sneeze away from a nosebleed.

As Sakura bowed and repented towards, she noticed Ino wasn't joining her. She quickly retrieved her ogling friend.

"I'm sorry, we're sorry! We're leaving!" Sakura tittered nervously as she dragged Ino outside.

Naruto watched the door- listening as he heard loud, deliberate footsteps stomping away from the door. Sasuke, for his part, was sobering up- slowly piecing together the last part of his talk with Naruto and the events that followed. He was starting to realize something had gone terrible wrong, and it wasn't the interruption.

"Naruto…" Sasuke halted his speech as Naruto turned towards him and approached. His breath caught as Naruto leaned in towards him. However, the man was only retrieving his coat.

Gathering his coat, clipboard and stethoscope, Naruto made his way towards the door and gave a sharp yank inward. Devoid of their support- Sakura and Ino could only manage surprised yelps, as they tumbled into the room- a tangled heap of colourful hair and limbs.

Both ladies scrambled up, ready to grovel and apologise for their obvious eavesdropping. Their words died quickly, when they saw Naruto's face.

"Sakura, Ino…" Sakura couldn't recall a time when Naruto hadn't called her Sakura-chan. This apparently made an impression on Ino as well, as both women looked up in consternation. "No one hears about this…"

Both girls nodded dumbly. Sakura looked from Naruto's tense face to Sasuke. Instead of a glare promising death and mutilation, Sasuke was miserably arranging his clothes- face firmly averted from the three people in the room. _What on earth had just happened?_

The two women left, leaving Naruto and Sasuke alone again. Naruto looked over his shoulder at Sasuke, preparing to leave.

"Sorry Sasuke… I forgot for a moment where we were. We can't do that here. Just call me when you want it."

* * *

Gaara was seated near the exit, waiting for Naruto. He had told his guards to take a hike but had to compromise by wearing a ridiculously large baseball cap and jacket. Naruto soon appeared, and Gaara took one look at his friends face and spoke.

"What happened… what's wrong?" Naruto smiled easily, thanks in part to his friend's get-up.

"I'm fine, I'm fine…Never better. Now in a totally unrelated matter… do you still have diplomatic immunity?" 

TBC

* * *

KK: WTF!! Angst! Where did angst come from?!

_KK's bishounen, Austrian manservant, Manservante, rushes in, drops to his knees and rips off his shirt._

Manservante: Noooooooo!! Kitsune-sama! Evil, angst-filled plot-bunnies are in your yaoi garden; and they are eating all the happy-happy-joy-joy, butt-sex carrots! And why wasn't there a single manly word in that sentence?

KK: What-what now? I didn't hear a word after you took off your shirt… (Manservante repeats message) _Noooooooooooes… the carrots!!_

* * *

A/N: I've just been through a hurricane and H-E-double hockey sticks to finish and post this chapter. So don't begrudge me a little angst! XD That's all of the angst I had left in me, I swear. Plus, I needed that set-up, based on how I have decided to end this fic. Keep your fingers crossed for a chap. 12 conclusion! I'm dead tired, so I have nothing else to say, right now. I hope you enjoy to the post, and I'll try to get chap. 11 up quickly. Feel free to leave a comment. All thoughts/reviews are loved, cherished, appreciated, and read a bedtime story before they are tucked in. Much love!  
P.S. No one caught the lyrics I used in the last chap. The first part of Gaara and Naruto's 'check-up' conversation was taken from the song 'Royal Pain' by the Eels. Look again, and you'll see it.

Mayz (Data-Beta):SUSHI!!! OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!!  
KK: I think that means she likes it...


	11. The Reason

Things you need to know: 'Yakuza' refers to the traditional Japanese organized crime groups and their members. (O)kaa-chan is 'mother/mom' in Japanese.

Disclaimer: I do not own Hoobastank, or anything like Hoobastank. What are you, nuts?  
Mood Music: Barenaked Ladies 'Falling for the First Time'. Ish relah goood!

A/N: Thanks for all the amazing reviews! Oh, and it was my birthday, the friday before this post. Yup, just two days after Naruto's! (We Librans are hawt!) I was so bummed I wasn't online to post this in time for Naruto's birthday or my own; but it's here now, enjoy!!

And now for something completely different!

* * *

Naruto was hiding in Tsunade's office. Having delegated all his responsibilities to his interns, he intended to stay there unless it was absolutely necessary that he leave. He wasn't sure who or what he was hiding from, but he just didn't want to deal with anyone today. He spent the time replaying his outing with Gaara, from the day before.

---

After spending the whole day wandering about the town, they had finally ended up at the amusement park. Gaara's disguise, which consisted of a ridiculously large American baseball jacket and matching cap was starting to get on the Daimyo's nerves. It appeared to attract comments more than anything. To prevent the impending disaster of Gaara losing his temper, Naruto had opted for a ride on the Ferris wheel. Quiet, calming and a perfect sky view of Konoha. At the head of the line, a bored looking girl collected their tickets, took one look at Gaara and snorted.

"Go Yankees..." _Stupid American tourists._

Gaara, for his part, pulled out a pen and a notepad. "What is your name?"

Naruto quickly tugged him into the compartment. Before long, their slow ascent started and Gaara relaxed.

"You are selling yourself cheaply." Naruto raised an eyebrow. "To the Uchiha, I mean. You are selling yourself cheaply. Though I must admit surprise at his acceptance of the offer. I expected more of him."

_Yeah, you and me both._ Naruto simply shrugged.

"Whatever, I just hope he gets bored quickly, and we can finally go back to normal."

"Considering how you are, even if he does take you up on your offer, gets bored and leaves your bed- you won't be able to deal with it."

"Deal with what? There will be nothing to 'deal with'. I'll be fine!"

"You are one of those odd people who equate sex with love..."

Naruto stared at the deadpan man before him. _That's odd? I am weird? What kind of perverted world was this?_

"...If you have sex with Uchiha, you will be binding yourself to him. And you believe that he is not interested in such a bond. If your assumptions are correct, he will either pull away completely, or try to go back to the way things were before. Either of which would be impossible for you."

"No it won't. Besides, that is what I want..."

"What you think you want, and what you truly want are obviously two completely different things. I also believe you are giving him far too much power." Naruto eyed him dubiously, and Gaara shrugged. "It's a fact: the one who is less interested in maintaining a relationship, is the one who ultimately controls and dominates it."

"Right- and you learnt all this from?"

"Watching the 'Animal Planet'." Naruto rolled his eyes.

While Naruto brooded, Gaara got up and moved across the carriage. It oscillated as he stood over his friend and moved down to kiss him.

When Gaara finally pulled back and returned to his seat, Naruto eyed him with a raised brow.

"What was that for?"

"Given the situation you are in, it occurred to me: Who knows when I'll get another opportunity." Naruto smirked.

"What? You mean you'd want to do it again?"

"In a heartbeat." Naruto sighed.

"Do I need to start worrying about you too?" Gaara actually looked amused.

"Are you afraid that I am about to start wooing you, and double your problems? Don't worry about it- I'm not the romantic type."

"I don't know. After a few bottles of sake, you tend to get all Don Juan/Edgar Allen Poe on me." Gaara smiled, in spite of himself.

"Yes well, I may have the same Naruto-affliction Uchiha appears to have; but we do differ in one vital respect."

"Yeah, what's that?"

"I know I can live without you."

* * *

Naruto sighed and shimmied further down into the leather chair. Why was his life always this complicated? He heard the door open, and looked up to see Sakura coming in.

"Naruto"

"Sakura-chan, I wanted to apologize for being so weird before." Sakura waved a hand deprecatingly.

"It's fine, it's fine. You were stressed out, who wouldn't be!" A brief grinning/mending-fences-session later, all was right in the world. Well, almost. "So what happened with you two?"

Naruto sighed and dropped his head to the desk. He should have figured Sakura was going to jump all over that immediately. After a few more prodding's, he finally told her.

"HE WHAT? YOU WHAT?" Naruto waved his hands, trying to get her to stop screeching.

"Look, what's done is done. I just want to get back to normal." Sakura was too busy bristling to pay him any mind.

"Obviously there was been some misunderstanding! Sasuke-kun is not that stupid! YOU are that stupid! Making a dumb offer like that! But Sasuke-kun! Why on earth did he accept?! Clearly you have to talk to him!"

"What?! Why?! We already agreed! We kissed on it, which I assume is more legally binding than the usual handshake."

"You two need to talk about it." Naruto strongly disagreed. He didn't want to talk about anything anymore. He certainly had reached his limit discussing this with Sakura.

"I don't think so! The deal stands. I haven't heard him trying to call it off!"

"You have to talk about this! It's...It's like there's an elephant in your room, and you're just choosing to ignore it!"

"Why would there be an elephant in my room?" Naruto looked at the flushed woman, clearly puzzled.

"It's just a metaphor or what have you. The elephant is not the point."

"Really? If there was a big-ass elephant in my room, I think I'd want to know how it got there." Sakura swiped a hand over her face.

_"Naruto, there is no elephant."_

_"You just said there was!"_

_"I was being symbolic!"_

"With an elephant? Who makes symbols with an elephant? What are you, a republican?"

"Naruto, forget the elephant..."

"But how can I?! It's sitting right there!!" By this, Sakura was making vague clawing motions in the air.

_"There isn't really an elephant!"_

_"But you said there was!"_

_"**Enough with the goddamn elephant!!"**_ Naruto looked completely taken aback.

"Sakura-chan, calm down! If elephants bother you so much, why bring them up?"

Sakura glared hard, a heartbeat away from throwing herself across the desk, and strangling the moron for all he was worth. Naruto was smiling in a positively maddeningly way.

Calm down, Sakura. You know what he's doing. It's a distraction technique. He's good at that. Just calm down and don't let him get to you.

Naruto stared at the ceiling for a moment, apparently thinking deep thoughts. "How would an elephant even get into my house anyway, let alone my room? Hey, do you think they have midget elephants?"

---

Tsunade's eyes widened as Sakura stalked passed, ranting in incoherent gibberish. She entered her office to see Naruto nursing his head.

"What did you do?" Tsunade asked, rolling her eyes as she shooed Naruto out of her chair and unto the small couch.

"Me? Nothing! We were talking about elephants, and then she got all bent out of shape for no reason!"

"I'm sure." Naruto assumed his most innocent, wide-eyed look.

"Why don't you ever believe me Baa-chan?!"

"Because you're a brat, and stop calling me granny!"

Naruto smiled at the irritable blonde woman.

"You're always complaining about that. Would it make you less huffy if I started calling you Kaa-chan instead?"

Tsunade froze, gaping at the young man, completely stunned at the question.

"What?!" Naruto shrugged and smiled sheepishly, looking off towards the door.

"I've been thinking, you know. That maybe it's time I re-evaluated some of my relationships. All this time I've had issues with mothers, and didn't think I'd even be able to call anyone 'mom', ever again. When I think about it though, you've being a mom to me more than anything, or anyone. Plus you don't look like a grandma- even if you are really ancient. So what do you think? Can you stand being called mom?"

Naruto finally hazarded looking at the woman, only to see her hastily trying to wipe tears away. Naruto did the next logical thing a man would do- he panicked.

"Nooo, don't cry!! I'll go back to calling you Baa-chan if that's what you want!!"

Tsunade finally managed to stop sniffling. Going over to the distraught and sputtering young man, she pulled him into a bear hug.

"Stupid! How could I mind? Damned brat."

"Kaa-chan, you're stifling me!" Came a muffled voice from the region of her bosom.

After Naruto could breathe again, he asked the next question he had for Tsuande.

"Do you ever regret it?" Tsunade looked up. "Falling in love with Dan, I mean. If you hadn't loved him, you could have avoided all that pain you went through. If you don't love someone, if it doesn't work out- then you could save yourself a lot of grief, right?"

Tsunade sighed; there was no easy answer for that.

"The only thing I regret is not having had more time with him. Those years with Dan, I wouldn't exchange for anything in the world; no matter how much it hurt when I lost him." Tsunade sighed again and started playing in Naruto's hair. "I can say without reservation, that if it is love- it's always worth it. You can't help who you love Naruto... the heart wants what it wants."

"Ero-sennin says the same thing whenever he meets an 18 year old co-ed."

"That perverted old ass wouldn't know true love, if it jumped up and bit him on his wrinkled behind! I know what I am talking about! Tsunade coughed discreetly and regained her composure. "You can't keep people out, they'll work their way in eventually. Someone as intrusive as you should know that better than anyone."

* * *

Gloom was emanating from the house as Sakura pulled into the driveway. Obviously Sasuke was in full-out angst mode, and was probably deteriorating. Gathering the last of her courage, the young woman rang the doorbell. A while later Sasuke answered and stared at his pink-haired friend. She immediately thrust a large jar at him.

"Since I am not allowed to interfere in your relationship, I have come here to borrow some sugar!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes, and leaned lazily against the door frame.

"Sakura, there is still sugar in that jar." Sakura looked down at the almost full jar, and started tittering nervously.

"Heh, so there is! One moment please." She backed up a few steps and dumped the contents of the jar all over Sasuke's lawn. "Now I'm out of sugar! Help me out."

Sasuke debated closing the door in her face and going back to his brooding. After a few nerve-wracking minutes, he relented and took the jar. Sakura bounded in and started following his about like a shadow. Sasuke wasn't in a patient mood.

"What?!"

"What happened with you two?! Naruto says you agreed to some deal, that has him whoring himself out to you! That's wrong, right? You didn't, right?"

_For the love of... Does she know everything? You team up with a person for one year, strictly in the name of taijutsu, and suddenly they think they are entitled to running your life._

"There was a misunderstanding..." Sasuke admitted at length. Sakura heaved a great sigh of relief.

"Oh, so you are going to straighten him out? He is completely stonewalling and won't talk. So you are going to sort this whole mess out and everything will be fine!" Sakura crossed her arms, and nodded confidently.

Handing her the jar of sugar, Sasuke passed Sakura and flopped down into his armchair. "I'm done talking."

"What?"

"I'm done. Let him believe whatever he wants to believe. I'm sick of this. He thinks that I don't know what I want or feel. That I am just confusing lust and a screwed-up friendship with love. You know what? Maybe the jackass is right, stranger things have happened."

"Sasuke-kun, you don't mean that!"

"Naruto and I do have a weird relationship, and things can get confused."

"But you know what you feel!" Sasuke opened his mouth to retort, but stopped.

"Forget it, you don't understand."

There was a long pause, just before Sasuke was hit viciously over the head with a cushion.

"What the... (_whap_), stop hitting...(_smack_), WILL YOU QUIT... (_whap_) **SAKURA**!!" Sasuke managed to wrench the cushion away, and stop the onslaught. "WHY are you hitting me?!"

"Because you are doing it again!" Though Sasuke conveyed ignorance and an appreciable amount of killer intent, Sakura would not be derailed. "The whole 'no one understands, no one gets it, no one has loved the way I love, or hurt the way I hurt' thing! You know something? Not only is it getting really tired; right now, it's just counter-productive!"

People often say that just before you are about to die, your life flashes before your eyes. Sakura didn't really have that experience. What she did feel, was the certainty of an impending death. After that came the calming, zen-like feeling that she was about to die for one of the greatest causes a person could die for: True Love.

However, death did not come swift and true at the hands of a darkly beautiful, avenging angel. Instead, the eyes of said darkly beautiful, avenging angel, frosted over and his jaw tightened. Then, using language not typically associated with heavenly and divine creatures (even the avenging ones), Sasuke demanded that Sakura take her damned sugar and get the fuck out of his house.

Though her life was spared, this merciful development did not comfort Sakura in the least. Sasuke was not the easiest person to bargain with, even when he was in the best of moods. Putting on her most contrite and placating expression, Sakura hazarded speaking once more.

"I'm sorry Sasuke-kun. I shouldn't have said that. Well, I shouldn't have said it like that. It's just frustrating to me, seeing you and Naruto self-sabotage like this. I can only imagine how frustrating it is for the two of you- feeling what you both feel and not being able to get anywhere."

Sasuke's features remained immobile and stony. The look he sent Sakura made her feel as if he was contemplating throwing her out physically. She swallowed convulsively and continued, finding herself trampling on thin ice.

"You remember when we were kids, and Naruto had a crush on me?"

_'Vaguely'_, Sasuke's thoughts sounded sarcastic and grumpy, even to him. Was she ever going to let go of that?

"...And I was so awful to him; I would say and do the worst things to get him to leave me alone."

"Is there a point to this?" Sasuke ground out testily. Being inadvertently reminded that he wasn't (and isn't) exactly the nicest person to Naruto either, was not helping his mood.

"Yes, my point is that despite all the stuff we said and did to hurt him, he'd still come after us. Naruto has spent half our lives chasing us around Sasuke-kun. If he had given up half way, we'd probably be perfect strangers; giving each other awkward smiles at reunions or on the street."

Sasuke conceded the point. Naruto did spend a good portion of their childhood and teenage years chasing after him. He didn't want to think about what it would be like if Naruto had given up on him. It took him a moment to realize Sakura was still speaking.

"...which is why I think you should role play!" Sasuke looked up in surprise.

"Role play?"

"Yeah, role play. Be the Naruto in this situation. Don't give up on him; chase him around until he understands. Naruto deserves to be the one chased, for once Sasuke-kun. And you deserve to catch him. Just think about it before you quit." Sakura gave the silent man an encouraging smile, before taking her jar and heading for the door. "Thanks for the sugar!"

Sakura closed the door behind her, certain that Sasuke was inside mulling over her words. On the other hand, she was exhausted. Her two idiots were so difficult. If they have amazing sex, they better name it after me!

* * *

Sasuke sat in the hospital parking lot, nervously drumming his fingers on his steering wheel. For the millionth time, he checked his appearance in the rearview mirror. As expected of his hair, with the exception of his bangs, it continued to defy gravity. It wasn't about to change for love or money. He sighed, contemplated opening the car door, and heading into the hospital. Convincing himself that he was an Uchiha, and Uchiha were not spineless jellyfish, Sasuke willed himself out of the car.

He was glad that the cool weather permitted his choice of outfit. The white button down shirt, black slacks and his favourite black leather trench coat. If he was going to make an ass of himself, he should at least he knew he looked good doing it.

The automated doors to the hospital slid open, granting him entry. He strode in, a flurry of cherry blossoms swirling about him. For a moment he stood in the entrance, searching for a hint of blond.

"Wow, that entrance was both dramatic and sexy!" An intern said appreciatively.

"Shh, quiet! He's still milking it!" Another young doctor whispered in response.

Activity stilled until the last cherry blossom had floated sexily to the ground, and Sasuke finally stepped forward into the lobby. Then everyone got back to what they were doing. It is simply bad manners to distract from the angst-filled, dramatically sexy entrance of a hero on a noble quest.

Before Sasuke could head towards Naruto's usual hang-out, he spotted his quarry. Blue eyes shone out like a beacon, despite the face being hidden by a surgical mask and cap. The eyes stared at him suspiciously, before widening when they latched on to Sasuke's. The doctor quickly backpedaled. Undeterred, Sasuke went after him. He had decided he was doing this, and not even a skittish Naruto was going to stop him.

Maneuvering around patients and doctors alike, Sasuke caught the fleeing man and tripped him. The man fell into Sasuke's arms, and remained there. It looked as if Sasuke was dipping him after a dance. Sasuke wasn't going to be able to hold that romantic pose for long; Naruto was ridiculously heavy.

"There is no point in running. I have you and I'm not letting you go!"

"Sasuke, what are you doing?" Sasuke looked up in the direction of the voice, to see Naruto standing in front of him. The look on his face clearly conveyed that he thought Sasuke had lost what little there was of his mind.

"Wait, Naruto? If you are there...who the hell is this?" Sasuke tugged down the surgical mask to reveal a completely bewildered surgical resident, who was most definitely not Naruto. "What the... why the hell did you run?" Sasuke asked the startled man indignantly.

"What did you expect me to do? The suit, the trench coat, the sexy, dramatic entrance! Obviously I thought you were Yakuza!"

Curiosity got the best of Naruto. "Why would you run from Yakuza?"

"Well, I've incurred some gambling debts and (_oof_)" The surgeon's answer ended in a pained grunt, as Sasuke dropped him unceremoniously to the floor, and stepped over him to get to Naruto.

"Look dobe, we have to talk. And if I don't do this now, I sure as hell may never do it again."

Naruto started to respond but Sasuke cut him off before he got a word out.

"I know you think I'm confused about what I feel, but I'm not. I have never been clearer about anything, as I am now. I love you, I know that, and I need you to know that. Not the kind of love that you can write off and say it's there because we are best friends or we're like brothers..."

A woman with a hearing problem, strained to catch the conversation.

"Did he say they're brothers? That's disgraceful! Yet, strangely fascinating and erotic. Maybe because it's so taboo and forbidden. You know I once had a cousin..." Her attending nurse turned up the dosage of sedatives from the woman's IV-drip; and she was out cold in a matter of seconds. The chatterbox was distracting her from a real-life soap opera.

Sasuke continued talking in a flustered rush, fortunately not hearing the woman's outburst.

"What I'm feeling is crazy and intense, and frankly starting to freak me out a little. It makes no sense. It's dirty and pure at the same time; and it makes me feel the most amazing things, that I don't think I have any right to feel. Because I know how I am."

_I'm not a perfect person; there are many things I wish I didn't do._

"We both have serious trust issues, and I have done more than my share of things, to make you afraid to trust me. Sometimes I can't help who I am..."

_But I continue learning; I never meant to do those things to you._

"But I am willing to try, for us, for you- because I know you are worth it. And what we could have would be real."

_And so I have to say before I go, that I just want you to know; I've found a reason for me, to change who I used to be.  
A reason to start over new. And the reason is you._

"Everything that happened in the past- I can't take back, I wish I could. I wasn't always there for you, but I want the chance to be there from now on."

_I'm sorry that I hurt you, that's something I must live with everyday.  
And all the pain I put you through, I wish that I could take it all away, And be the one who catches all your tears  
That's why I need you to hear-_

"And I know you feel the same way about me, or I wouldn't put myself out on a limb like this..."

_I've found a reason to show, a side of me you didn't know.  
A reason for all that I do, and the reason is you..._

"And I swear to Kami-sama if he doesn't stop singing, I'll break his legs!!"

"_THE REASON IS YOU!! AND THE REASON IS YO-..."_ By then, the aspiring singer was on his knees emoting for all he was worth. This could be his big break. How often do owners of record labels make themselves this accessible?

He quieted abruptly when he heard Sasuke yell. He stopped baring his chest, and opened his eyes to see said label owner glaring at him. He rose sheepishly.

"I was just... providing a little mood music for your gay confession there, heh. Umm, I have a demo CD with me and my band playing..."

Sasuke took a threatening step towards the man, which sent him screaming down the corridor. Pausing to see if anyone else was about to break into song, Sasuke came to the realization that about every hospital worker, mobile patient and arbitrary visitor had gathered to witness the show. It was official; he had made an ass of himself.

To add injury to insult, Naruto was staring at him incredulously as if he'd sprouted a second head. Sasuke felt embarrassed and defeated.

"It doesn't make any difference, does it? You've already made up your mind." And with that, he turned abruptly and quickly exited the hospital, leaving a stunned Naruto and expectant audience in his wake. Well except for one person.

"AMAZING! What a wonderful performance!" Chiyo, an elderly patient with a sick tendency to play dead and scare the interns, waltzed in front of Naruto. "Simply amazing! Of all the hospitals I have been in, I have never seen a live theatre! Oooh, is this the part where you chase after him and declare your undying love?" She batted her eyes at Naruto.

Naruto then reached out and pulled the life-giving IV from Chiyo baa-chan's arm, laughing evilly as she crumpled to the floor. At least, that is what he wanted to do. Naruto suppressed the urge.

* * *

Sasuke reached home in record time. He needed to find a quick, clean, and efficient way to kill himself. He needed to find it before the full horror and heartbreak of the trauma he just endured, hit him. No, he wasn't being melodramatic; and yes, he was serious.

_'Sure you are, you drama queen.'_ A specter of Naruto taunted him, as he looked about the house for anything to assuage his suicidal tendencies.

"Shut up! You don't get to talk!" Great, he was arguing with a figment of his imagination. The Naruto specter simply rolled his eyes and disappeared.

A few minutes later, Sasuke still hadn't found anything worthy enough to be his suicide vehicle. He sat down to angst and eat a tomato. He'd kill himself later.

He flew up in surprise when his door was suddenly flung open. There was Naruto, doubled up and panting. The blond was struggling frantically to catch his breath.

"Naruto!" The other man raised a hand, asking Sasuke to give him a minute as he repaid his oxygen debt.

"Car. Broke. Down. Had. To. Run. All. The. Way." A few more heaves later, Naruto finally straightened up, good as new. "Gama-chan stopped about three miles up the road. I ran full speed to get here."

"Why?" Sasuke asked suspiciously, trying not to get his hopes up.

"I figured you were trying to find a quick, clean, and efficient way to kill yourself. Is that blood or tomato juice?" Sasuke quickly cleaned his face.

"I'm fine, moron. And I am not suicidal." Sasuke said moodily.

"No, but you are a drama queen." Sasuke sent him a glare that spoke volumes. "What on earth's the matter with you?"

"Excuse me?" Sasuke was surprised at Naruto's tone. What was he put out about? He, Uchiha Sasuke, was the one who had horribly and publicly humiliated himself!

"You can't just drop bombshells on a guy like that, and then immediately run off wailing into the sunset! It was like a romance drive-by."

"I did not 'run off wailing'! I..."

"I was at the hospital! I was working! I had a patient's urine sample in my hand. You couldn't have expected me to recover so quickly and then run after you! Just because now you decide to prove your sincerity!"

"Well I..."

"This isn't one of those medical dramas that have more affairs than sick people! You have any idea what I had to do to get here? I had to drop off the sample, order the tests, give out my patients to Sakura and my interns, and then clear it with Kaa-chan, so I could leave the hospital."

"I just thought..."

"Oh I know what you thought! You thought you'd just waltz in, all hot and sexy. You'd sweet-talk me, I'd swoon, fall into your arms like some love-struck southern belle, and then we'd have consummatory sex in one of the supply closets!"

"I-I didn't think you'd swoon..."

"This is real life! Not a TV. show, not a tacky romance novel, and certainly not some yaoi fanfiction with over-the-top characterizations and a forcedly humorous plot, by some rabid sex-crazed fangirl with an idealized view of gay men; written for other rabid sex-crazed fangirls and boys, with idealized views of gay men! In real life, Sasuke, you do stuff like that when I have time-off!!" Sasuke remained silent, afraid to say anything lest Naruto gave him another tongue-lashing.

Since Naruto seemed to have run out of steam, Sasuke hazarded speaking again. "So...what are you here to talk about?"

Naruto sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "No, I don't want to talk to you anymore, Sasuke. I'm done talking."

Sasuke's heart started beating erratically, as he tried to pick up where this was heading. He felt his stomach plummet at Naruto's next words.

"I've come to a decision."

---

_**TBC! One more chapter everyone, and then you can kiss Role Play goodbye! sob**_

* * *

A/N: I am not sure- does this ending qualify as a cliff-hanger? Heh, if it does, evil ain't I?  
I was appalled at the number of people who tried to stab me because of the little bit of angst in the last chapter. Really now! I guess if you are delusional enough to try stabbing me online, it would be futile to point out that if you kill me, the story would never be complete! XD  
I was super happy with the reviews, threats and encouragement the faithful sent me, you guys keep me going! Thanks ever so much swoon. My internet woes remain, but Chapter 12 (da conclusion) is on the way! You can stab away then!

The lyrics for Hoobastank's 'The Reason', were in and italics interwoven with Sasuke's speech. It was being sung by some wanna-be idol while our poor Sasu-chan was giving the most important emo-chat of his life. That idea was taken from me and my friends. In accordance with the girl-code, we mercilessly heckle almost any guy with the stones to 'chat us up' while we are in a group. The last time it happened to me, my idiot friends burst into a corny love song, sending the poor guy screaming into the night. Never to be seen again, until my next Microbiology class, that is...hehehe. I love my best friends, so deliciously evil.

I am a review monster: feed me!


	12. The Decision

**A/N: **I know, you guys have totally forgotten about this story. I have taken too long to update, and you've all moved on (**SOB!**). Apparently getting a job seriously cuts into your leisure time! Who knew? You did? Well, why didn't you tell me?! Here's to hoping I can win you guys back. Enjoy!

Mood Music: Fall Out Boy 'I'm like a lawyer with the way I'm always trying to get you off'. Yeah, not-so-catchy title, great song!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to the Westside Story. What are you nuts?

* * *

"You've come to a decision?" Sasuke watched as Naruto nodded slowly. He braced himself for the worst. "What did you decide?"

"I've decided that I need to get over myself, stop being so scared, and do what it is I do best; take a risk when I know it's worth it." Naruto smiled at Sasuke sheepishly, but the brunet was simply staring back. Rather blankly at that.

"What does that mean?"

Naruto blinked at the question.

"It means that I have admitted to myself, and will now admit to you, that what I feel for you is not just platonic friendship. It isn't just a brotherly love; but something stronger and deeper and, admittedly, more terrifying than anything I have ever come across..."

"..."

Faced with further silence from Sasuke, Naruto took a shaky breath.

"What I'm trying to say to say is. I love you Uchiha Sasuke; and I'm sorry that I was such an idiot about it for so long."

"..." The sustained silence was making Naruto very, very nervous very, very quickly.

"You know, I was planning to come here and do the confession thing, as soon as I got off from work. I was probably planning it a while before you decided to do your dramatic confession at the hospital. So really, it has nothing to do with that, I was going to come here anyway."

"...So I made an ass of myself for nothing?"

Naruto blinked again at Sasuke's offhand response. Why didn't anything ever go the way it was supposed to, when it came to them? He had hoped that Sasuke would have been a little bit more...enthusiastic about this.

Unbeknownst to both Naruto and Sasuke, the latter was so deep in shock, almost nothing was getting through. A small part of Sasuke's consciousness had grasped the fact that something monumental was happening. It understood that the person he had loved for more than half his life just said he loved him back. That small part of his mind got that, and was trying furiously to communicate that to the rest of Sasuke's brain. However, it was taking a while.

"No! Not for nothing. I thought it was kind of sweet, in a corny, old school type of way."

Naruto was backpedaling; trying to understand what the heck was going on and maybe find a graceful way out of this potential mess. Maybe Sasuke had changed his mind on the mad drive over. Meanwhile, three feet away, a neuron sparked and something connected.

"You love me! You just said so. You're here because you love me back! ...Right?"

Naruto finally realized that Sasuke's silence had not been stony, it had been dazed. In any event, he couldn't stop himself from looking at the other man as if he was insane.

"Yes, I did and I am. Didn't we establish this, ten minutes ago?" They did, but Sasuke's brain was just catching up.

"You love me, and-and I love you. We love each other..."

Naruto was about to reach for this cell phone and dial 911. He had heard of being crazy in love, but this was ridiculous. Fortunately, Sasuke was making great strides in regaining coherence.

"...In that case, does this mean are we together then?"

Naruto smirked and stopped panicking. He really should enjoy this. It was not often one got to see a thoroughly befuddled Sasuke.

"I don't know. I don't think its official until we spit in our palms and shake on it."

"Oh." Sasuke replied softly and to Naruto's growing amusement, slowly lifted his upturned hand and stared at it uncertainly.

"Usurantonkachi," Naruto muttered before grabbing Sasuke and pulling him into a kiss.

That was the last bit of info Sasuke needed to get completely up to speed.

"What took you so long, moron?"

"Che, you know me. I'm a hero, and saving the day is always the last thing a hero does!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes at the overly dramatic declaration and started to yank Naruto towards the couch.

"Where are we going?"

"To consummate our relationship before you change your mind."

"Hey, I don't consummate on the first date! I'm not easy, and I'm simply not that type of guy."

Sasuke snorted and dumped Naruto unto his couch.

"We had our first 'date' about thirteen years ago. Now dig deep and pretend you're a slut."

"You know, I think I liked you better when you were waxing all poetic, and blushing like an untried school girl."

Sasuke smirked while slowly and deliberately straddling the blond. Further conversation ended when Naruto pulled Sasuke down into a kiss. In all honesty, Sasuke could barely believe this was truly and finally happening. It seemed almost too incredible. To be on the safe side, he pinched Naruto. The subsequent 'ow', was muffled by Sasuke's tongue. Yup, this was real.

What, Sasuke wasn't about to pinch himself- he bruised easily.

Sasuke had a number of fantasy blue-prints to work with, having thought about numerous possible scenarios of the two of them 'getting it on'. Slowly, he tugged up Naruto's shirt, until the latter sat up, and allowed him to pull it off him. Pushing Naruto back into a reclining position, Sasuke started the slow descent down his lover's torso, using his hands to blaze the trail, his lips soon following. Soon, Naruto was moaning beneath him, and things were going swimmingly. Sasuke had waited a long time for this, and he intended to savour every minute of this- teasing Naruto was a mild payback for all the agony he went through.

As Sasuke licked hardened nipples, his hand gently stroked Naruto's abdomen- he intended to have the blond shivering beneath him before he gave him anymore.

And Naruto _was_ shivering. It was positively remarkable how much. With each stroke of Sasuke's hand over his stomach, Naruto's abs clenched, and the blond twitched even more. Finally Naruto shoved Sasuke off and covered his stomach, all the while giggling like a maniac.

"Q-Quit it! I'm ticklish there!"

Sasuke blinked, he had not been expecting that. He knew Naruto was sensitive there, but in all his fantasies, he had imagined it would be used as a turn-on, instead of reducing the man to laughter. Well this was a set-back for fantasy 34b- Sex on the coach, position 8. Another thing... the Naruto of his fantasies was a sex-god, who would _never giggle_!

Sasuke mentally smacked himself in the head. He was being stupid. How could he expect the man he fantasized about to reconcile seamlessly with the flesh-and-blood reality. No matter what, the real thing will always be better than some fantasy that had him waking up by himself, feeling ironically sated but still unfulfilled.

"What are you looking so smug about?" Naruto poked Sasuke a few times. The brunet had been sitting on top of him, nodding silently to himself, as Naruto overcame his giggle fit.

"Nothing..."

"Come on, tell me!" Naruto poked him a few more times, and Sasuke shrugged.

"I was just reminding myself that this is reality and not one of my fantasies; so naturally I can't expect that much out of you."

Now, obviously, Sasuke hadn't intended it to sound like that. However, when you've had a penchant for being catty for over twenty years, even perfectly innocent remark will end up sounding...well, catty.

Anyone who knew Naruto any at all also knew one other thing: you never undermine his self-presumed greatness in anything. Even in uncharted waters; for he took that personally.

Sasuke almost sputtered as he felt himself get unceremoniously dislodged from his perch. He just narrowly avoided ending ass-up on the floor as Naruto stood up, and looked at his watch.

"Eight and a half minutes. Our relationship lasted eight and a half minutes. I will give us some credit- its three and a half minutes longer than most people gave us."

_Now _Sasuke sputtered. "Wha-what?"

"I never expected you to change; I wasn't expecting a nicer, gentler Sasuke. I totally understood that you were going to be the same bastard you always were. What I was expecting however, was that you could go for one day without being a complete asshole."

"What did I do?"

"'This is reality and not one of my fantasies; so naturally I can't expect that much out of you'. You know, since whatever fantasy-Naruto you cooked up, does such a good job of getting you off, maybe I should just leave him to do the job."

Sasuke watched stupefied as Naruto found his shirt, and started to yank it on. He then realized, much to his horror, that not only did he just get dumped in record time; but he was about to join an unfortunate fraternity: men who managed to talk themselves right out of sex.

"I didn't mean it like that!" Sasuke shifted into damage control mode as Naruto prepared himself for his dramatic exit.

"Sure you didn't..."

Sasuke managed to grab unto Naruto's arm and stop him before he left.

"Look, I'm nervous okay! This is a little nerve-wracking for me. You can understand that, you have to be a little nervous too!" _Or you wouldn't be throwing this humongous hissy-fit._

Naruto glared at him but was making no additional moves to leave.

"Look let's just start over! Forget I said whatever I said. I honestly didn't mean it the way it sounded."

Naruto snorted softly. He figured that was as close to an apology as he was going to get out of Sasuke anyway. Turning on his heel, Naruto headed to the stairs. Sasuke stared after him, momentarily nonplussed.

"Where are you going?"

"To your room, bastard; or do I have to earn my stripes on the couch before I am allowed up there?"

Sasuke played it safe and made no attempt to answer that question, but quickly followed the blond, who was now stomping up the stairs.

When he finally reached his bedroom, Naruto was placing his watch and beeper on the nightstand, and Sasuke was once again hit with a fresh attack of nerves. It was a bit overwhelming finally getting what you have wanted for so long; he had to take a moment to relax. He stood, frozen in the doorway, oblivious to the fact that Naruto had begun staring at him- having been waiting patiently for the last five minutes.

"You okay over there?" Sasuke almost jumped out pf his skin at the sound of Naruto's voice.

"Fine...just fine." Another pregnant pause as Sasuke appeared to take root at the spot. A blond eyebrow started edging upward.

"You're sure now?"

"Uh huh... never better." Still no movement. Naruto clicked his teeth and nodded. He then took a purposeful step towards his skittish soon-to-be lover.

Before Sasuke could understand what was happening, or could react he felt himself being launched through the air, only to land flat on his back in the King-sized bed. He wasn't sure, it had happened so quickly, but he had the sneaking suspicion that Naruto had just judo-flipped him. He blinked out of his surprised daze, when he felt Naruto's weight settle next to him.

"Sorry I had to do that, but in my profession, you learn that time is always of the essence."

Sasuke didn't have a response to that either. If he did, he would have pointed out that Naruto wasn't the one who had been waiting for this for about a decade. Any thoughts of a reply, however were immediately forgotten when, without warning, Naruto hiked his shirt up and started slowly licking his abs. Sasuke struggled to inhale as Naruto moved, inching upwards to suck on a hardened nipple. It occurred to him that their relationship was one that would be filled with oxygen deprivation, unless he learned to breathe. Naruto licked his throat, and a moment later Sasuke had completely forgotten why it was necessary to breathe when he felt Naruto's tongue in his mouth. As incredible a kisser as Naruto was, the activity did little to distract Sasuke from the hand deftly unzipping his pants. Naruto broke the kiss and pulled back. He split his focus between massaging Sasuke's hardening erection and watching the brunet's responses closely.

And Sasuke was responsive. The colour spreading across the usually pale skin was nothing short of remarkable to Naruto. Placing his thumb at the base of Sasuke's shaft, he started moving it in tight circles, which expanded and contracted as he slid his hand higher and higher up the now throbbing erection. The sound of Sasuke's panting grew louder and Naruto's eyes were now riveted on his lover's face.

Naruto's hand moved faster, stroking harder, creating a counter sensation against the hot circles the blond still managed to rub along the sensitized organ. Sasuke's panting turned into moaning as he clutched his pillow, Naruto being too far out of his reach. The technique changed slightly as Naruto gave short, fast strokes concentrated at the tip of penis while his thumb moved over the slit, smearing the pre-cum pearling there. Sasuke was barely containing himself, digging his heels into the bed, until he heard Naruto say his name- just once.

Sasuke's eyes flew open in surprise as he felt his burning body seize up. He had had no clue he had been that close. He erupted, feeling himself explode into a shower of white hot sparks, flowing over and down Naruto's hand, which had only just started to slow down. The last thing he heard before he blacked out was Naruto's amused voice.

"Did you like that? I call it the 'Rasengan'. I bet fantasy-Naruto never does that..."

* * *

Naruto failed to see just what he did wrong. He thought the whole point of sexual stimulation was to get your partner off. So he did not understand why he was sheepishly sitting on the bed, staring at the back of a fuming Sasuke.

--

Sasuke had not really passed out- he had simply undergone a transformation which was to mortify him for years to come. It had shocked the hell out of Naruto, before the doctor finally caught on to what was happening. Naruto had finished his smug announcement, only to see Sasuke's eyes glaze over and watch was the man collapsed bonelessly unto the bed.

"You okay?' Naruto had asked, stretching out beside Sasuke, while trying to stifle a grin. His alarm started when, after a moment or two, the brunet had looked at him with one of the mooniest expressions ever to have come out of some girly anime.

"Um...Sasuke?" Sasuke blinked and then smiled at him. An honest-to-goodness-I-like-Disney-movies smile that scared Naruto shitless.

"Are you okay?

Sasuke would never do this, even as a sick joke. However, to Naruto's growing alarm, Sasuke reached out and cuddled him. _Cuddled him, for the love of all things emo! _

Then, the unthinkable: burying his face in Naruto's shirt, Sasuke muttered the fateful words: - "I wuv you, dobe..."

_'Wuv'? Did he just say 'wuv'?!_

Naruto was set to untangle himself and rush Sasuke to the emergency room. It then occurred to him that this may be a simple case of an orgasm reducing the bastard's brain to mush. Now that wasn't tragic; it was simply hilarious. It was still just a theory though; one he intended to test thoroughly.

--

That being said, Naruto had expected Sasuke to surface in an extraordinarily good mood; and, half hour later, he actually did. For about ten minutes. Then Sasuke appeared to recollect what had happened, flushed crimson out of embarrassment, anger or both, and promptly turned his back on Naruto.

"Now what exactly are you mad at me about?" Naruto asked Sasuke's rigid back for about the tenth time

"That wasn't how it was supposed to go." Sasuke bit out tersely.

"What? You loved it! You came! I saw you, I was there!" Naruto could feel Sasuke's rolling his eyes.

"You weren't consummating our relationship, you were proving a point."

"I was doing both, idiot. You know I don't take sex frivolously Sasuke. Being with you will always be special to me, you know this."

Naruto watched as some of the starch eased its way out of Sasuke's back; but the brunet still did not turn around.

"Is that all you are upset about?" Naruto hazarded cautiously. Sasuke only huffed and remained silent.

Naruto found himself smiling at the moody idiot's back. Sasuke was a hundred percent, uncut, Japanese drama; and Naruto must have it really badly for the other man, for he hated drama. When drama showed up, Naruto tended to run for the hills, as he had with the whole Hinata episode. Instead he was here, being given the silent treatment for heaven knows what- yet was still completely smitten. Determined to either get Sasuke to 'fess up, or just have him stop brooding; Naruto moved quickly. Putting a leg on either side of Sasuke, Naruto slid up to him until the startled man was firmly cradled against his groin. Before the dark-haired man had a chance to protest, unyielding arms wrapped around his waist, and Naruto's lips clamped on to _that _spot.

Naruto had discovered in high school, that Sasuke was sensitive to the point of hilarity, right at the spot where his neck met his shoulder. They had found out while watching a movie, when Naruto had leaned over and whispered to Sasuke's ear- unwittingly blowing warm air on the spot. Sasuke had shot up so fast out of his seat; he had spread popcorn all over the front two rows of the theatre. He was sensitive then, and he would be sensitive now. It was the swiftest and surest way to turn Sasuke on, and snap him out of any funk.

Sasuke couldn't even manage a gasp, as Naruto bit softly, and then started sucking voraciously on the spot. Naruto's expert hands where already diving into his pants, and starting to jerk him off. The blond's lips did not move from the oversensitive spot, and his hands were moving at a frenetic pace. It wasn't long before Sasuke was feeling the sharp sensations that heralded an oncoming orgasm. Scrambling from between Naruto's legs and off the bed, Sasuke made the sad attempt to cover his neck, try to drag up his pants and glare daggers at Naruto; all at the same time.

"Hey, what's the deal?" Naruto asked at the violently twitching man.

"You…I…I'm sensitive there!" Sasuke clutched his neck even tighter and tried to recapture his sagging pants.

"I know… hot, right? I know what turns you on." Naruto wiggled his eyebrows suggestively as Sasuke tried to breathe fire.

"Don't do that!"

"Sasuke, what is the problem?"

"I was about to- to…"

"What, come? That was kind of the point."

"Well it's not supposed to happen that quickly!"

"What the hell do you mean…" Understanding hit Naruto like a lightning bolt. His eyes widened as he stared at his reddening lover. "Ooooooh, so _that's_ what this is about, and why you were brooding a little while a go. I make you lose control!"

Sasuke's eyes rounded in panic, while Naruto started to grin evilly. "Shut up dobe! That isn't the reason at…"

""It is official world! I, Uzumaki Naruto, am a sex god! Boom shikka wow wow!"

"God, I hate you." Sasuke murmured, forgetting to cover his neck and wiping his face in exasperation.

Naruto toned down his celebration and smiled at his moping friend. "Sasuke, what is the problem, really?"

"I'm supposed to last longer. I always do. I am good at this." Sasuke grumbled into his palm, unwilling to face Naruto just yet.

"Who says you aren't? Just this once, can we not compete?"

"It isn't about that!" Sasuke was vehement about the fact. "It's a guy thing."

"…"

"Oh right, sorry- forgot for a moment there."

"Sasuke, don't worry about it. As we have just rediscovered, I too am a guy, and I'm just a lot more aggressive and direct, than most of those little spoilt debutantes and party girls you're used to sleeping with. Your body just hasn't recovered from the shock yet. You'll get your mojo back."

Sasuke rolled his eyes, but didn't resist when Naruto stretched out a hand and pulled him forward.

"Besides, if you are worried about me not being satisfied, that's a non-issue. And if you'd stay still long enough, you'd find out."

Deciding to move quickly before Sasuke got skittish again, Naruto stepped on the other man's now forgotten pants. Sasuke ended up walking right out of it, and stumbling into Naruto's lap.

"Moron, you…"

"Shut up."

Sasuke complied as Naruto twisted until he was straddling the brunet, tugging the latter's shirt up. When Sasuke was finally naked, Naruto stretched out beside, admiring his efficient handiwork.

"How come I'm always the first to lose my clothes?" Sasuke thought he'd ask a pertinent question. Naruto only smiled at him.

"Do you always complain this much before sex?"

Naruto was right; he ought to be more proactive in order to have things his way. Catching Naruto off-guard, Sasuke shoved him backwards, and soon Naruto was deprived of his shirt, and eager hands were moving to his pants.

"Are you going to ravish me now? Blue eyes looked up, perfectly feigning innocence.

"Shut up." Sasuke growled back. Naruto was being far too cool and collected about this. Sasuke was determined to make the blond squirm before the day was over.

Sasuke managed to unzip Naruto's jeans and pull his boxers down quickly. It was the brunet's quick reflexes that saved him from getting hit right in the face, when Naruto's erection sprang to freedom. It was a good thing too, for honestly, getting smacked in the face by your lover's dick, would simply have been the backbreaking straw for Sasuke.

Finally succeeding in wrestling Naruto's pants and boxers off, Sasuke paused to catch his breath and survey his prize. His eyes rested on one of the few body parts, Naruto wasn't in the habit of torturing him with.

Sasuke blinked; Naruto was huge- he had definitely grown since gym class. For a moment, he wasn't sure if he should be impressed, a little envious, or simply nervous. Sasuke was a smart guy. Though he had not researched gay sex (_which, in retrospect, was probably a bad idea_),he knew that _somebody_ was going to sticking _something, somewhere. _He also knew that it was probably in his best interest to know the 'who', the 'what' and the 'where' was. But first things first: making the idiot squirm.

For guaranteed quick results, the answer was obvious; and Sasuke stopped to question just how far he was willing to go and just what this meant for his precious manhood. He was in love and wanted to consummate his relationship, but surely a guy had to draw the line somewhere.

_You'd want him to do it… You've dreamt about him doing it. _The annoying inner voice had a point.

Sasuke was unaware of just how much time was elapsing as he carried on his internal debate. Naruto watched in consternation as Sasuke sat Indian style, arms crossed, apparently regarding his penis. Naruto felt instinctively that he should have some say in whatever great, internal debate Sasuke was having. However, he also felt that whatever he was sorting out would be a defining moment for the quality and conditions of their relationship. He finally figured it would be playing it safe to just lie there, be quiet and be scrutinized. Naruto stared up at the ceiling and tried not to think deflating thoughts.

He had being counting bumps on the ceiling when he felt Sasuke's hands encircle his erection. The sensation had him almost jumping out of his skin. The startled response gave Sasuke the necessary encouragement. Slowly, he dropped his head, and gave Naruto an experimental lick on the tip of his erection. The shudder that went through the blond sealed the deal for Sasuke. Settling lower, Sasuke started off slowly, almost shyly, dipping his head and sucking shallowly on the head of Naruto's penis. Steadily, he built a rhythm, growing bolder and plunging deeper and faster. Naruto's moans and uncontrolled jerks fuelled him on.

Dick, Sasuke decided, was more than likely an acquired taste. Fortunately for both him and Naruto, it was a taste he was acquiring pretty damn fast. He _liked _this; and something told him he was going to love doing this. He liked the sound of it- Naruto gasping and moaning above him, the sexy sounds of snapping control, all the while groaning his name. He liked the feel of it- his lover hardening in his grasp, and the hard, sweat slicked muscles his hands could rove over. He loved the taste of it- this throbbing part of Naruto, filling his mouth and bringing him both pleasure; the saltiness blending seamlessly to a mild sweetness. He definitely loved the power of it- that a simple act could devastate Naruto like this- the jerking muscles, the thrusting hips, and the hands starting to fist in his hair. There was no way he was going to let Naruto know he was seriously into this. He would spend the rest of his life on his knees.

Now in the zone, Sasuke was sucked on Naruto voraciously, using his hand to make up for the considerable shortfall of his lips. He finally looked up to claim his prize. He was going to spend the rest of his life on his knees, as long as he got to see a sight like that. Naruto's was flushed, a fine sheen of sweat coating his body. His eyes were closed, but his mouth was open, gasping Sasuke's name between moans. For a moment Sasuke was overwhelmed by just how beautiful the idiot was; and why it took everyone else such a long time to realize it.

Without warning, Sasuke felt himself being yanked up by the hair- hard. Soon he was twisted until he was firmly under Naruto. The sudden move made him indignant; for Sasuke had been seriously enjoying himself.

"What was that for, idiot?!"

Naruto neatly cut off any chance of a tirade by shoving his tongue as far down Sasuke's throat as he could manage. The brunet's automatic response was to plunge his hands into Naruto's hair and pull him impossibly closer. The kiss became rougher and hotter as whatever remaining control quickly slipped away. On instinct, Naruto thrust down, grinding his erection against Sasuke's, a motion that left them both gasping. Acting on instinct, Naruto reached between them, and wrapped his hand, as best as he could manage, around both their straining erections. He pumped slowly, unable to go much faster, since Sasuke was still crushed against him, lips locked with his and showed no signs of slackening. The man seemed to have a lung capacity that defied science. Naruto tried to break away to breathe, and further along the activities. Sasuke simply countered by dragging his head back down again. Eventually, Naruto reluctantly wrenched away.

"Why do you keep doing that?!" Sasuke glared up at the heavily panting Naruto.

"Keep doing what?"

Sasuke gave Naruto a look that clearly said: _'stop quitting the good stuff!'_

"Are you always this cranky during sex? You'd think it's the one time you'd lighten up." Naruto spoke as he moved off the bed, and started rifling through the top drawer of Sasuke's night table. "Oi bastard, where do you keep your lube?"

Sasuke blinked at the unexpected question. "Second draw from the bottom…it's at the back left corner."

"Sasuke, you're the only single guy I know, who could turn a beautiful thing like masturbation into 'Mission: Impossible'. You live alone, just who are hiding the lube from? You never let anyone but me into your bedroom. I can't believe you are this repressed!"

"Shut up, dobe. Not everyone is a flaming, shameless self-lover like you. We do not all stock lubrication like ammunition in a fall out shelter."

Sasuke watched with interest as Naruto simply smiled and climbed back unto the bed. An eyebrow lifted as Naruto poured liberal amounts of the cream unto his fingertips.

"What are you doing anyway?"

Naruto looked up in surprise. "What do you mean, 'what are you doing', I'm going to prepare you.

The eyebrow lifted higher, and Naruto faltered a bit. "Y-you know…for sex."

"I need preparing?"

Sasuke was a smart guy. In fact, in high school he had been labeled a genius. However, one can only be smart about something, if they have some knowledge of it. In all his years of running around after Naruto, you'd seriously think a guy would do some relevant research.

"So let me guess. In your wet-dreams, fantasy-Naruto simply slides his magical dick, easily and painlessly up your mythical self-lubricating ass?"

Well…sure it sounds stupid when it's phrased like _that_. It was his fantasies! Who adheres to the limiting laws of reality in their fantasies?

"So you're saying then…" Sasuke ignored Naruto's jibes in the attempt to keep his composure. "…that I need preparing?"

"You need a hell of a lot more than that." Naruto muttered as his nudged Sasuke's legs apart, and positioned himself between them.

It hit Sasuke right about then, just exactly what was about to happen; _(arousal always made Sasuke a little slow)_, but by then Naruto had wrapped a hand around his erection, pumping it back to full hardness, while an unseen finger trailed an outline around Sasuke's entrance. Soon the lubed digit pushed inside.

Sasuke was too distracted by the hand job, to worry much about the foreign object invading him; but when the second finger entered, Naruto had to speed up the pumping motions, to stop Sasuke from squirming away. When three fingers were in, scissoring and stretching, Sasuke began to acclimatize, willing himself to relax and see where this went. In any event, it was starting to feel good everywhere.

Sasuke moaned as the fingers continued their work, and he caught onto the fact that Naruto was watching him with the 'fox' look. The idiot was up to something. Sasuke was about to question him when one of Naruto's fingers brushed over a particularly sensitive bundle of nerves. Sasuke yelled, as he arched off the bed; barely noting that Naruto was now wearing an unholy grin.

Anatomy was always Naruto's favorite subject in med school.

Sasuke flopped back down unto the bed, panting hard and struggling to recover as frissons of sexual excitement tore through him. He didn't have any chance to come down from the high, before the same finger brushed that very spot again. Sasuke's response was even wilder- clawing at the sheets beneath him, he couldn't help but scream Naruto's name. This second time brought the sharp feel of an impending orgasm to Sasuke. He was going to come hard if Naruto kept this up. He wouldn't be able to survive a third time. By the time he could lie back unto the bed, Naruto's fingers still deep inside him; Sasuke could see the 'fox' look forming again. Sasuke was at his wit's end, he had to do something.

Naruto stared up at the ceiling in surprise. He was currently sprawled flat on his back, on the carpeted floor of Sasuke's room. He wasn't exactly sure how he got there, but by the ache in his chest, and the fiercely blushing bastard that glared down at him from the bed- he surmised quickly.

"Did you just kick me off the bed? I mean, literally kick me? In the chest?" Naruto sat up and stared at Sasuke, he remained silent.

Naruto wondered for a moment if the Uchiha Clan was distantly related to the Hyuuga Clan or something. The only other person he could ever recall taking colour that quickly was Hinata.

"I was going to come. You were going to make me… I had to stop you."

"By kicking me off the bed? I was bringing you to orgasm, not robbing a bank! Why did you _'have' _to stop me?!"

Sasuke simply glared.

"You know, Sasuke… maybe we are moving too fast. We don't have to make love the very day we get into a relationship. We can start slow. You know, date, make out…"

"Get the fuck back into the bed."

All protest ceased, but instead of getting back immediately, Naruto was rifling through his pants pocket. Sasuke was not amused.

"What now? Just how much preparation does this need? We're having sex, not knocking down the Berlin Wall."

"Will you stop being so pissy? I was just looking for this." Naruto fished out a condom and starting ripping the foil; Sasuke looked at it for a moment, and frowned.

"What do we need that for?"

Naruto was trying his best not to let his impatience get the best of him, so he wouldn't tear the condom in half. Whose idiotic idea was it to wrap condoms in space-age plastic? He was about to use his canines to rip the stupid thing open, when Sasuke's terse question stalled him.

"What do you mean what for? For protection..."

"I may not be the doctor in the room, but I don't think unwanted pregnancy is going to be a problem here." Sasuke's eyes narrowed further as Naruto rolled the condom on.

"Don't be dumb, there are other things to worry about…"

"Like what? We don't need _that!_"

Naruto blinked at Sasuke, who was showing every bit of the affronted Uchiha attitude that had the potential to sink any romantic situation.

"Sasuke, don't tell me you're offended by this!"

"I just don't see why…"

"This is as much about protecting you, as it is about protecting me. More even! I'm around sick people everyday, you never know. Look, tomorrow we'll go and do the standard blood-work, we'll both some back clean and clear, and we'll never have to use condoms again. Unless, of course, we run out of balloons for someone's birthday party or something. Is that okay?"

Sasuke gave a small huff, and settled back unto his pillow, looking off to the side. Naruto simply took the opportunity to sink his teeth into the sensitive spot on the man's neck.

"Is that okay?" Naruto's words came out muffled, as the sharp shudder subsided through Sasuke's body.

"Fine, just hurry up."

Not one to dawdle when on a mission, Naruto shot the huffy man a smile and retook his position between Sasuke's legs. Sasuke watched him suspiciously as Naruto placed his erection at the lubricated entrance.

"Are you sure you know what you're doing, dobe?"

Rolling his eyes, Naruto started pushing in, entering slowly in an attempt to not hurt the bastard. Sasuke immediately tensed at Naruto's entry, and the latter quickly wrapped a hand around the brunet's softening erection and started pumping.

"Just relax, it'll feel good soon." Naruto whispered as he continued inching in.

Sasuke didn't want to feel good soon; he wanted to feel good now. Naruto was taking too damn long getting around it. Without warning, Sasuke braced himself and pushed down, fully impaling himself on Naruto's penis in one fluid motion.

This was love. It was wonder, it was bliss, and it was setting his ass on fire. _Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!_

"What in the hell did you do that for? I was trying to go slow!" There was no answer as both men went stock-still, both sweating profusely. "Sasuke, are you okay?"

"Fine, just fine…" Came the strained voice. "You know that wonderful feeling, when you've just had a submarine launched up your ass…NO I'M NOT ALRIGHT!"

"Well, who said you could do that?!"

"You did! What the hell was all that preparation stuff for then?!"

"To make it easier! Easier not easy, of course that would hurt. Preparation just makes things go a little smoother."

"Well, aren't I glad that gem of an idea worked? I can't believe I let you violate me like this."

"Now wait just a damn minute, I wanted to go slow! This is like a reverse rape, and I'm the victim!" This was insane, who argues like this during sex.

"Oh shut up and make this better moron!"

"Or else what bastard? You're gonna shove my dick up your ass? Ha, too late, you already did that!"

"Dobe!"

"Teme!"

"Usurantonkachi!"

"…asshole." Naruto muttered.

They both had to admit, it was kind of nice having a heated argument degenerate into an even hotter make-out session; instead of trying to beat each other into a bloody pulp. Although, for a few awkward seconds, they tried to do both. This was so weird, it ought to worry them. But soon, Sasuke forget the screaming pain in his lower regions, and Naruto- his righteous indignation as their tongues battled for dominance.

"We have zero chance of being in a normal relationship." Naruto panted as he broke the kiss.

Sasuke was about to make a response, when Naruto pulled back and thrust hard- straight into his prostate. He cried out at the intense pleasure that coursed through him.

"Told you it would get better…" Naruto moaned as he dug his fingers into Sasuke's hips and kept thrusting.

Having no more control left, Naruto picked up speed, gripping Sasuke's hips tighter, and failing miserably at his attempt to slow down. For his part, Sasuke was in heaven, he never imagined that anything could possibly feel this good. He met each of Naruto's thrusts, digging his heels into the bed and lifting his hips.

"Don't stop…"

Naruto groaned at the instruction. At this rate, neither of them would last very long. A little later, Naruto withdrew from, and rolled the other man unto his side. Straddling Sasuke's leg, Naruto lifted the other to his chest, and reentered Sasuke. Although trying to move slowly, it wasn't long before Naruto was pounding into Sasuke faster than before, eliciting harsh pants and moans from both men.

Naruto reached down and grasped Sasuke's leaking erection, stroking with a speed that matched his thrusts. Sasuke felt himself on the very edge of release, and struggled to communicate to Naruto.

"Naruto…I want…I want…"

He couldn't get the words out, but Naruto understood. Shifting back to their original position, Naruto sat back and then hauled Sasuke up, until the brunet was straddling him. Sasuke immediately used the advantage of their newest position to lock lips with the blond, even as they both struggled to get air into their lungs. Naruto moved to suck on Sasuke's earlobe as he helped the brunet build a rhythm with him; rolling their hips together as Naruto moved to suck on the column of his lover's throat. Sasuke ground harder against Naruto- reveling in the friction of the blond's abdomen against his weeping cock.

The closer they got to release, the more disjointed their movements became, desperately thrusting against each other. Sasuke twisted his fingers into Naruto's hair, as the blond fastened his lips on the most sensitive area of his neck, sucking hungrily. He tried to stave off the oncoming rush, but it was too late. He was far past the point of return.

"Naruto…" It came out as a soft gasp, which belied the violence of his orgasm.

Naruto felt the moist heat splash and spread against his abdomen, and it only fuelled his own orgasm to its peak. Groaning deeply, he squeezed Sasuke closer to him, riding out his release to its very end.

Both men collapsed in a panting heap unto the bed, still locked together. Sasuke used the very last of his energy to rain kisses on any part of Naruto his lips cloud reach.

"I love you, moron." That sentence used up both the last of Sasuke's energy and his brain power.

His eyes glossed over, and his features took on a satisfied, besotted look, that would have driven the normal Sasuke to suicide. Naruto figured that if there was ever an opportunity to get touchy-feely with Sasuke, now was the time. Cupping the brunet's face, Naruto used a thumb to stoke down Sasuke's brow to his cheek. Sasuke purred, actually gave an honest-to-god purr, which would have cracked Naruto up, if it wasn't so unbelievably hot and sexy right at that moment.

"Hey, how do you feel?"

Sasuke looked at Naruto with a completely glazed expression. _Feel?_

'_I feel pretty, oh, so pretty, I feel pretty, and witty and gay!  
And I pity any girl who isn't me today.'_

"Sasuke?"

'_I feel charming, oh, so charming- It's alarming how charming I feel!  
And so pretty, that I hardly can believe I'm real.'  
_  
"Umm, Sasuke…can you hear me?"

_'I feel stunning and entrancing. Feel like running and dancing for joy!  
For I'm loved by a pretty wonderful boy!'  
_

It was going to take Naruto a while to get used to this cream-cheese-for-brains version of Sasuke. The man was simply staring at the blond with one of the goofiest expressions Naruto had ever seen, before unceremoniously passing out.

* * *

Naruto would have loved nothing more than to do the slow, romantic, wake-up-in-each-other's-arms thing with Sasuke. However, the brunet was passed out colder than a busted Christmas light in the middle of July and Naruto was starving! They would simply have to reschedule.

This was why, when Sasuke snorted awake, he found himself alone and face down in a puddle of drool. There was someone downstairs demolishing his kitchen, and he had a fair idea who, so he resisted the urge to spring into action.

Attempting to send Naruto a glare telepathically, Sasuke tossed his soaking-wet pillow, and took Naruto's. Sasuke sniffed deeply- the pillow smelt of sex, sweat and most definitely Naruto. He took a deeper sniff, buried his face in it, and then realized he was going insane. Snorting in disgust, Sasuke took the pillow and sailed it across the room, taking out a lamp in the process.

Downstairs, Naruto heard the crash, and didn't even bat an eyelash. He simply slurped his ramen.

Back upstairs, Sasuke was attempting to sit up, stoically ignoring the pain tearing through his backside. He surveyed his bed, which looked as if it was the battle ground for World War 3. Naruto had apparently tucked him in sometime after he passed out. Still scanning the bed, he started to spot several stains, which in retrospect probably belonged exclusively to him. Great, the idiot had left him marinating in his own juices. This was just gross. Sasuke got out of bed, and tried to get a better handle on the damage. It was obvious that he was going to have to do laundry, right now. No, he didn't have an obsessive-compulsive personality, contrary to what Naruto might say. If anything he was just a little bit of a neat freak, one who refused to have his bed or clothes in such terrible conditions. Honestly, he would demand that the sex should be neater, if it hadn't been so good. So mind-meltingly, spine-tingling, universe-altering, amazingly good. He said universe-altering, because during those moments right before and after he saw god, Sasuke could have sworn he was a ninja.

It took Sasuke a moment to realize he was staring dreamily at the bed, getting ridiculously aroused at the thought of having sex with Naruto in some godforsaken tent in some woods, somewhere.

"Goddamit!" And there went the other pillow sailing across the room; this time taking out the mirror it crashed into.

Naruto could hear the swearing and the smashing quite clearly as he made his sandwich. He was completely unperturbed, thinking in fact, that Sasuke was taking this ascension into love and intimacy, a lot better than expected. When more swearing was heard a few minutes later, Naruto simply sighed and thought there wasn't enough therapy in the world for a person like Sasuke.

When Naruto finally saw Sasuke, the latter was stomping down the stairs, holding out the sheets before him, as if they were radioactive. The blond continued nonchalantly munching on an apple, as Sasuke sent him an acidic glare, and disappeared down the stairs to the laundry room. Grabbing another apple, Naruto headed after.

Sasuke didn't even look up when Naruto entered the room. He finished adding the detergent and punched the start button. He had decided that the laundry was more important than a shower, but he had put on clean clothes anyway. Naruto processed all this information in a matter of seconds.

"Neat freak, no I take that back. Freak."

Sasuke simply ignored him, until a pair of arms encircled him from behind, and Naruto started nibbling on his shoulder.

"You're so hot, it's crazy how much I want you right now, now that I know its okay."

Sasuke first response was to hiss at Naruto to let go of him, but having sex the one time was enough to render Naruto immune to all of Sasuke's indignant squawking.

"You were so hot and tight; it was the most amazing thing I ever felt."

"Sh-shut up, moron." Sasuke's face felt like a tomato on fire- all hot and red. Naruto ground against him, whispering 'obscenities' hotly into his ear.

"I don't want to go overboard wit this, but I just want you so much. Even when you're being bitchy."

Well, way to sweet talk. Sasuke gripped Naruto's wrist as the roving hand unabashedly groped his crotch.

The hand however was undeterred as it slowly massaged through the material of Sasuke's jeans, prompting the brunet's penis to come to life.

"Ah, ha…Naruto, stop." Sasuke still had Naruto's wrist in a death grip, but didn't make a move to pull it away from the now-aching area.

"You feel so good, taste good." The offending had unzipped Sasuke's jeans, and Sasuke finally let go to use both hands to grip the washing machine.

Naruto pulled down Sasuke's jeans and boxers, prompting the other man to step out of them and kick them aside. He yanked off the brunets' t-shirt, and once again, wrapped steadying hands around him. Sasuke grunted as Naruto ground his straining erection against bare buttocks, and started groping his throbbing cock.

"You-you're always touching there…" Sasuke lodged the false complaint, and felt Naruto smile into his shoulder, still stroking in hard, fast strokes. "Your jeans are rough, too." A valid complaint in Naruto's view, hence the blond quickly unzipped his jeans. Sasuke shuddered at the sound of the garment unzipping. Was it sick that a simple sound could arouse him this much?

When Naruto had shed is pants and underwear, he cradled his own aching erection against Sasuke's ass. He struggled with the decision to continue, not wanting to hurt Sasuke but making love too soon after their first time. Sasuke heard the clatter of an object on the top of the washing machine, and opened his eyes to see his open bottle of lube.

_Overconfident idiot, why did he have to assume I'd sleep with him again?_

The rebellious thoughts vanished, as Naruto nudged Sasuke's legs wider, and pushed coated finger into him. Sasuke hissed and bent further over the washing machine, encouraging Naruto to slip in a second finger. Soon, Sasuke was prepared to his satisfaction, but Naruto still hesitated.

"Are you okay? I don't want to hurt you. We can stop…"

Sasuke cut Naruto off neatly by stomping viciously on his foot, and rocking back against Naruto's hips. The blond took the hint. Sasuke blinked at the sound of a crinkling, and glared at the empty condom wrapper, Naruto tossed on top of the machine. Sasuke huffed and flicked the offending peace of foil into the nearby trashcan. As clichéd as it sounded, he didn't want anything between them, even a little bit of protective latex.

"Drama queen" Naruto sighed as he eased himself slowly into Sasuke's tight heat. "Just be a little patient about that."

Sasuke's mild indignation slipped away, as he felt Naruto enter him, filling, stretching and completing him. Naruto didn't hesitate, pulling back and slamming hard into Sasuke, causing them both to yell out with the pleasure of it. Naruto quickly built speed, rocking hard into Sasuke, reveling in the other man's moans and grunts, and feeling the pressure build. Naruto ran a hand down the back of his lover's thigh, and raised the man's leg. Sasuke yelled and panted as he felt Naruto reach deeper into him. He reached back a hand to squeeze one of Naruto's buttocks and pull the blond impossibly closer. Naruto bent low over his lover, shortening his strokes and still moving faster, wrapping a hot fist once more about Sasuke's neglected cock.

"I. Love. You." Naruto punctuated his now irregular thrusts with each word. Sasuke wished he could say it back, but had lost the ability to even form words. He could only attempt Naruto's name in stuttered and disjointed syllables.

With one more thrust, Sasuke came- flowing hard and hot through Naruto's fingers onto the stylish chrome of the machine. A heartbeat later, so did Naruto, feeling the tight walls of Sasuke collapsing and squeezing around him. Sasuke collapsed on top of the still churning appliance, and then Naruto in turn, fell on top of him, both men panting and sweating hard.

"Oi, you okay?" Naruto's question came late, for Sasuke had already gone bye-bye. The brunet was busy trying to write 'I 'heart' Naruto' into the dust of the washing machine- only there was no dust, so it was a bit of a futile effort.

"Oi bastard, stop spacing out and tell me you love me."

Sasuke's poor liquefied brain tried to comply. "I wuv oo"

Naruto grinned and rested on Sasuke's shoulder, feeling ridiculously happy. "That'll do, Sasuke, that'll do."

When Sasuke came to, he was standing fully clothed in his kitchen, being shamelessly cuddled by Naruto. Sasuke also came to the horrifying realization that Naruto was taller than him. Not by a lot, granted, but taller none the less. When had that happened? This was just so wrong.

Naruto had not yet realized that Sasuke had returned to normal, and the latter took the ability to indulge himself a bit. He didn't have the drive to pretend to be indignant and offended by man's actions, as he usually did. Instead he opted to snuggle up to Naruto, enjoying the warmth and comfort that radiated naturally off the blond.

"Having fun?"

Sasuke stiffened at the teasing tone in Naruto's voice. The idiot knew he had recovered and had caught him acting like a lovesick puppy. Naruto held on to him before he could pull away.

"Don't pull away, just humor me, for my sake. Let me hold you…"

How could Sasuke ever say no with eyes that blue staring at him like that? He settled back into Naruto's arms and relaxed. That is, until the screaming sound of Naruto's beeper, shattered the peaceful silence.

As Naruto fished into his pocket for the annoying device, Sasuke groaned and buried his face in the crook of Naruto's neck. He wrapped his arms around the other man's waist and willed the jarring sound away, as well as whatever disruptive event was interfering with his life from afar.

"It's the hospital…I think one of my interns is having a meltdown. I have to go."

Sasuke tightened his grip on Naruto, and waited. He was waiting for the awful feeling that would hit him, the moment he realized that Naruto would leave. The fear that everything would unravel and that he'd wake up to realize that this was just another frustrating dream. But the feeling didn't come. Naruto was standing there waiting for patiently for him to calm down; and Sasuke could feel the blond's heart beating steadily against his. He was feeling love, not fear; and Sasuke figured with emotions this strong, maybe he could take the chance and trust them a little.

Sasuke slowly loosened his grip, and disentangled himself from Naruto. He kept his head low to hide the smile that played across his face. One of the few, genuine, non-smirking smiles that only Naruto could ever put there. Love wasn't just powerful, it was downright scary.

Naruto was a little concerned by Sasuke's behaviour. Pulling Sasuke to him, Naruto rested his forehead against his lover's and enjoyed the contact a little longer.

"Hey…I _am_ coming back."

Sasuke made no attempt to hide the smile from Naruto this time.

"Yeah, I know. I'll be waiting."

**The End.

* * *

**

**A/N: **I'm done, finally. I'm sorry I took so long. Life comes at you fast, that's why I have visa. I've made a decision about whether or not to continue 'Role Play'. The idea was given to make it into a series. That is, this multi-chap that I've just completed would be turned into Role Play: The Main Story; and then I'd continue with a series of one-, two-, and three- shots (some maybe longer). The follow up stories would be self-contained, so wouldn't be absolutely necessaryto read the main story or the other shots to get them, but I'll write it so that there is continuity from the Main Story onwards, so it would be a much better reading experience, and a lot less esoteric, if you did.

However, my alpha-beta said I shouldn't assume you all want this. Good point, so I'm putting it to a vote. Should I make 'Role Play' into a series?

If the majority vote 'yes', well groovy. In that case, if you are on you can choose to add me to your author alert if you want too see when my new stories come out.

If you are at and want to be alerted when a new 'Role Play' release comes out, my alpha-beta suggests you include your email in your review. Anywho, I'm a little sad to finally bring an end to this story. I really made you guys wait. I hope I made up for it.

**I am a review monster: feed me!**


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